


The Miscommunication of Severance

by orphan_account



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, Nightwing (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Divorce, Happy Ending, Legal Separation, M/M, Romance, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-29
Updated: 2016-07-04
Packaged: 2018-06-05 05:50:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 48,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6692143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dick and Jason were just trying to make it work for the sake of their son.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this idea for awhile and I decided to go for it since I had the entire outline written. I know that I have a series to finish, and I have a TimKon story waiting to be updated, but I know where I'm going with this, and I cranked out this chapter in two days. I'm pounding the pavement here, guys.
> 
> There will be no scheduled updates, because I do not want to make promises that I can't keep. All I can do is ask that you stand by. Ideally, this would be updated once a week, but that's not super likely. 
> 
> This was the first time in a long time that I worked on the same writing for hours at a time with only few breaks, so this was really refreshing to write. I'm also having a lot of fun with the angst.
> 
> Holy fuck the angst has been refreshing. It's something I don't usually write, but it wasn't an impossible task.
> 
> Originally this was supposed to be two chapters, but this turned out so long that I split it up into five.
> 
> ITALICS = FLASHBACKS JUST FYI
> 
> Anyway I hope you guys enjoy this beast of a fic 
> 
> UPDATE: [My Tumblr](http://burningice2.tumblr.com/)

The toddler grasped, with unskilled petite hands, at the bubbles floating toward him. A grin quickly turned into smile before opening to release a shrill screech when the filmy soap spheres burst upon making contact with unblemished baby skin. Dick would caress that skin just to feel the soft baby hairs brush over his scarred skin. He kissed that skin goodnight, wiped the remnants of food and fecal matter off that skin, dressed that skin in clothing that made people smother his child with compliments; Dick did anything and everything to make contact with that skin. 

Ever since moving back into the manor, Dick began finding reasons for he and Johnny to stay. Watching his son play with Tim and Damian brought a few to mind: Dick was taking advantage of the backyard. The family had been enjoying many backyard meals during the spring months, and the weather was only getting better as they approached mid-June. Dick was prone to walking Johnny through the gardens and pointing out the different flowers, including preventing Johnny from pulling them from their roots. Bruce was kind enough to buy a backyard play structure, plastic and easy enough for Dick and Damian to devote a few hours in the afternoon to set up.

It was so much easier to go to work and not have to leave earlier to drop Johnny off at daycare. Dick insisted that he find Johnny a new daycare in Gotham, but Alfred had adamantly refused to allow anyone that was not family to look after his ‘great-grandchild,’ as Dick liked to joke. Alfred assured him that Damian often worked from home, since Tim was at the office to help Bruce, and would be available to pitch in when needed.

Damian had proven himself to be uncharacteristically helpful. His patience with Johnny preceded everyone’s, sometimes, even Dick’s. They had settled into a nightly ritual: Dick would bathe his son in one of the manor’s guest bathrooms next to Johnny’s designated bedroom, dry and dress the squirmy toddler, then pass him to Damian who would read his bedtime stories. Johnny enjoyed the sound of Damian’s voice; it had grown deeper over the years, yet still retained its familiar rasp, and at eighteen years old Damian now stood at six feet with a toned and slender frame, not quite as thin as Tim’s, and still building muscle as he became older.

All Dick wanted was what was best for his son, and he was doing what he could to provide for his son. Johnny was constantly surrounded by family, people who had his best interest at heart. They spoiled him rotten and made him the center of attention, which sometimes could be too much, but Dick was willing to do anything to distract his son from the one person missing from the picture.

Johnny’s bedtime was the most difficult part of the day. Jason was usually the one to read his bedtime stories, and unlike Damian, did the voices from “Where the Wild Things Are.” Dick would stand in the doorway and listen to Jason’s voice drop and rise over Johnny’s giggles, and when the story was over would make his appearance to kiss his son goodnight. Jason would follow suit, take a hand and flatten their son’s thick locks, and press a kiss to his tiny head as he whispered, “Goodnight, Baby Bird.”

Bedtime was when Dick really felt Jason’s absence. No matter how often the days would keep them separated, they would always end with him and Jason in Johnny’s room as they said goodnight to their precious boy. Any other couple would have wrapped their arms around each other as they sauntered off to their bedroom to either get in a few hours of sleep before their early morning wake-up call from the baby, or get in a half hour of rigorous lovemaking to help them pass out. Their night ended with either one of them suiting up for patrol and not returning home until past midnight. After getting undressed, showering, brushing teeth, and pulling on a pair of boxer-briefs, it wasn’t until nearly three that whoever had returned from patrol would get to sleep.

It was just one of the problems they let come between them.

When all the bubbles disappeared, Johnny clapped his teeny hands together like Dick had showed him and exclaimed, “More! More!”

“What do we say?” Dick prompted from his spot on the patio chair.

Johnny’s blue-gray eyes — _Jason’s eyes —_ flicked back and forth between him and Tim, who had been the one blowing bubbles for his nephew’s entertainment. Dick had taught Johnny his manners; he was just choosing to be difficult, but it was too gorgeous of a day to get upset with his son over one word. The good days were rare.

“Can you say please?” Tim asked with an encouraging grin. Johnny’s fickle attention was clearly amusing Tim, who grabbed Johnny in the form of a sneak-attack and tossed the squealing toddler over his shoulder. “Please, please, please,” Tim repeated playfully.

“Down!” Johnny’s laugh intermingled with his speech.

Dick watched the way that Tim and Johnny interacted and felt his face struggle to hold a smile, as if those muscles were being put to use after months of inactivity. He was thankful that Johnny got see his family in Gotham more, but distraught that it was under such devastating circumstances. Jason should be able to sit here with Dick and bask in observing their son play with Tim under the sky’s glow. But Jason’s relationship with the family was complicated and had only worsened after his and Dick’s separation.

“Come to Dada,” Dick urged his son with his arms outstretched. Johnny ran as fast as his little legs could move and was enveloped in Dick’s embrace before he could fall into Dick’s arms. Dick lifted him up for a peck to his tiny nose — _also Jason’s._ “My Baby Wing,” Dick mumbled into his soft tresses.

“Off,” Johnny huffed, pushing away from Dick. He let his son run back over to Tim who was blowing more bubbles back in the air, but not before giving an affectionate pat to his cute little bottom.

“Wasn’t it yesterday that you were changing your kid on a lounge chair?”

“Hey, he exploded in that onesie, and we barely had him home two weeks.”

Tim snorted. “Alfred just about had a stroke when he saw that dirty diaper on his patio furniture.”

“We managed to potty-train him right before…” Right before Dick took their son like a thief in the night.

Tim seemed to know what he was about to say, because he immediately started speaking to Johnny. “You used all my bubbles.” Tim tipped the bottle upside down to show that its contents were gone. “Somebody owes me new bubbles.”

“Dada will get bubbles.” Hearing Johnny refer to him brought Dick out of his slump. Johnny pointed at him and said, “I want bubbles.”

Dick gasped dramatically. “Jonathan, where are your manners today?” The tot merely giggled, and his attention was quickly diverted when the back door opened.

Damian emerged from the manor with Titus close to his side. The aged dog stepped outside on wobbly legs, and as soon as Johnny saw him he was toddling over to the canine. “Titus!” He had a good and patient temperament, most likely brought on by his old age, but he was the perfect animal for Johnny to be around. Johnny barely came up to Titus’ height, but he was tall enough to press a kiss to the dog’s face.

“Did you bring bubbles?” Tim asked with the regular sass in his voice whenever he addressed Damian, but with a hint of something that was usually absent, something almost playful.

Damian’s lack of response was made the moment even stranger. He ignored Tim, and his eyes went to Dick; they were concerned. Right behind the deaths of his parents and Jason, his separation was one of the most tragic events of his life. It was also one of the few times he was able to gage reactions and emotions from his stoic family. These emotions tended to rear their ugly heads whenever he and Jason were in close proximity.

“He’s here,” Dick said. Damian’s unease was answer enough. “Come here, Johnny.” Dick stood and balanced on his toes for a moment to get a nice stretch in his legs. Johnny was clinging to Tim’s leg and looked determined to never let go. His tongue was sticking out at Dick, who could see the formation of the word no on his mouth, which he put a stop to when he said, “Daddy’s here.”

No matter how Dick felt about Jason, Johnny’s love for him remained undiluted. “Daddy!” he shouted, releasing Tim’s pant leg from his hold. Johnny nearly barreled into Damian as he ran into the manor to get to the front door.

“Damian — ”

“Do not worry, Grayson,” he brushed Dick. “I will see to it that your child does not break anything.” There was really no need — it was not as if Alfred wouldn’t immediately be drawn to the sound of running feet through his pristine manor.

“Are you going to see him this time?” Tim asked when Damian disappeared inside.

“I can’t think of a reason to be mad at him this week.” He and Tim both knew that the only reason Dick was bothering to be in the same room as Jason was because he didn’t get a chance to say bye to Johnny before he scampered into the manor.

Dick stepped with trepidation through the manor, toward the front door where Jason usually lingered. Dick was sure that Jason thought that if he stayed out of the manor then nobody would try and engage him in a discussion. Have no fear, Dick was not at all interested in getting into a deep conversation with Jason; there had been enough of those in desperate attempts to save their marriage.

Johnny had found his way into his father’s arms. Big, strong tree trunks were wrapped around their son, crushing him into Jason’s chest. It was a sight Dick was familiar with, except his presence used to be welcome, and Jason’s hugs weren’t normally that tight. “Hey, Baby Bird,” he heard Jason say into Johnny’s ear.

“Daddy, look.” Dick couldn’t see what Johnny was holding out for Jason to look at.

“Who gave you these?” Jason asked with a genuine smile, something Dick hadn’t witnessed in months…something he didn’t deserve to see anymore.

“Uncle Dami.”

“And I know that you thanked Uncle Dami, right?” Dick saw their son nod. “Good. We can put these all over our calendar.” Jason then looked up and saw Dick watching them. The smile instantly vanished from Jason’s face, which reverted back into the dark and haunted look it tended to take whenever Dick was around.

They were a nocturnal family, but Jason looked like he hadn’t seen sleep in days. The dark shadows under his eyes were more prominent, but Dick hadn’t noticed them when he was talking with Johnny. Jason’s clothes were disheveled, as if he had slept in them. There was a stain on Jason’s shirt, probably from eating in the car earlier that day. He could have also used a haircut, but at least it had been somewhat styled. Jason was obviously struggling to keep the last of his sanity in tact for Johnny. It made Dick even more reluctant to let him leave with Jason.

Jason was not a terrible father. On the contrary, Jason had proven himself more as a man through his parenting skills than by the number of villains he killed or put in jail, his skills in the streets of Gotham and the bedroom, or his ability to be a good husband. The one thing he and Dick had in common was that they loved Johnny more than anything. Before Johnny was even made by Cadmus with his and Jason’s DNA, they had discussed that if it ever came between either of them and Johnny, it would always be Johnny. Johnny would always come first.

“Hey.” The greeting was hollow. Dick understood.

“Hi.”

“Master Jason, I must insist that you close the door so that flies do not get inside.” It was Alfred’s underhanded way of inviting Jason in without explicitly doing so.

“Thanks, Alfred,” Jason said as he grabbed Johnny’s bag from the butler, “but I was just leaving. No need to roll out the red carpet for me.”

“I always roll out the red carpet for family, Sir.”

Jason’s jaw twitched. “Right.” Johnny tugged on his hand, and the defensive look on Jason’s face melted into the fake calm he had perfected for their son. “Say goodbye to everyone, big guy.”

“Bye, Alfie!” He waved at Alfred, but remained glued to Jason.

“Say goodbye to Dada.” Jason’s face remained composed, but his voice was strained.

“Dada comes with us.”

It was only for a moment that he and Jason shared a look that overwhelmed Dick with ghostly sensations of past love. He never knew when it was going to happen, but there were times when Johnny would ask either Jason to stay at the manor or Dick to leave with them. It was so hard to tell that innocent baby that his parents could not live under the same roof because the love they had for each other had turned into something unhealthy. More than anything, Dick wished that the problems in his and Jason’s marriage were easy enough to solve by Dick getting in the car and going back to their Blüdhaven apartment. If that were the case, Dick wouldn’t have moved his life back to the manor.

“No, Baby,” Dick choked. “I’m staying at Papa’s.”

“Okay,” Johnny mumbled.

“Uh…” Dick took a moment to collect himself in front of his son before speaking again. He tried to straighten his posture as he faced Jason. “I need him back on Sunday at two, because he has his shots at three.”

Jason and Johnny’s interlocked hands began to sway together. “I can take him to get his shots and then drop him off here,” Jason replied with his eyes on his son.

“No, I can do it.”

That was apparently not the thing to say, because he could see the way Jason’s jaw tighten from clenching his teeth.

“Just let me do it on my way into town.” Jason finally looked up at him with angry eyes — hurt eyes. “You think I can’t handle my son’s doctor appointment?”

The situation was quickly becoming hostile.

“I think you can handle it.”

“Obviously not, since you had the court declare me only fit enough to be a weekend parent.”

Dick bit his lower lip. He took no joy in getting sole custody of Johnny. Never in his life did Dick think he and Jason would be arguing in court over who would be the primary caretaker of their child. But Dick also believed that Jason would be able to sort through his issues, if not for himself, then for his family. That was the match that lit the flame: Dick taking Johnny from Jason.

“Jesus, Dick, just let me take him.” This was the closest Jason was going to get to begging. To anyone else, he may have looked like he was ready to pounce, but Dick saw the pleading in his estranged husband’s moist eyes.

“Okay. Yeah, take him.”

Dick didn’t know why he was expecting a thanks; it would be uncharacteristic of Jason to thank anybody for anything. Instead, Jason gently shook Johnny’s hand to get his attention. “Say goodbye to Dada,” he repeated, clearly ready to make his exit.

“Bye, Dada.”

Dick finally approached the two and didn’t miss the way Jason’s body tensed and the way his hand tightened in Johnny’s, prepared for Dick to come over and take him away again. Dick cupped his baby’s face in his hands and placed a quick, soft kiss against those little lips. “Goodbye, sweet boy. Be good for Daddy.”

Johnny nodded vigorously. “Yes, Dada.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Jason wasted no time getting Johnny out of the manor.

Alfred closed the door only when Jason’s car pulled out of the driveway. “Shall I prepare dinner, Master Dick?”

“Whatever the others want,” Dick responded with his eyes still glued to the window where he could see the driveway that Jason’s car just pulled out of.

 

 

 

 

_“You’re moving too fast.”_

_Dick had been expecting to hear those words from Bruce, but he thought that they would have been said much sooner. It was a little late for Dick to be heeding warnings._

_Bruce was less than thrilled when it was made public that Dick and Jason were involved, especially when there wasn’t a label to their relationship. They fucked, lived together, kept schedules: they were a couple without the brand; it was more for Jason’s sake, and it kept him from leaving with his tail between his legs. Words of affection were not often expressed, and when they were, they were spoken with such subtlety that Dick almost missed them._

_A few weeks ago, Jason told Dick that he loved him mid-intercourse. As soon as those words left his mouth, their fucking transformed into the kind of lovemaking that was so intimate, so in sync, that it was sex only soul mates could share. The way Jason held him seemed tenderer; the mouth on his burning flesh seemed to be saying that he would never leave. Legs tightened around bodies to keep them close rather than to spice things up. They lay in the afterglow and talked until morning about their hopes and aspirations for each other and their goals as a couple. And Dick believed all of it. So much so that he let the heat of the moment take over his senses and promise to spend the rest of his life with Jason._

_Everything they expressed to each other in those hours was emotionally overwhelming. When the sun came up, they decided that they needed a new beginning for these new feelings; they weren’t new to them, but they were new to the mouth. It wasn’t as romantic as Dick had imagined, but Jason and he knew that with the lives they lead, they never knew what was going to happen to anyone associated with Batman; they decided to elope._

_It was the day after Dick and Jason got back from their elopement in Hawaii when Dick made the drive to Gotham. He thought it best that he go to the manor alone, and Jason agreed that his presence might upset Bruce more. They spent years rebuilding their relationship, and although they had made much progress over the past few years, it was evident that their relationship would most likely never be what it was when Jason was Robin — if Jason had never died. Dick could already imagine the shouting match that was bound to erupt between Jason and Bruce._

_Yes, coming alone was a good idea._

_Bruce was on the offense, and Dick would rather believe that Bruce’s concern was coming from a good place, but there were parts of his and Jason’s relationship that Dick did not understand._

_Dick would have preferred to have this discussion in neutral territory, but he had been lured into Bruce’s study where the billionaire had the home advantage. He wondered if this conversation would be easier if it was between Nightwing and Batman, rather than Dick Grayson and Bruce Wayne. But Nightwing didn’t marry Red Hood; Dick Grayson married Jason Todd._

_“It’s a little late to be saying that.”_

_“I could have said it sooner if I was made aware of your upcoming nuptials.”_

_“Well, the deed is done,” Dick spoke as if he were talking about a planned murder, not a happily anticipated marriage on a tropical island._

_By the look on Bruce’s face, his marriage to Jason may as well have been a planned murder._

_“You didn’t allow yourself enough time to think about what you’re doing.” This was how Bruce expressed concern, by projecting on the people he loved._

_“We don’t have that luxury.” There were nights when Dick would wake up drenched in sweat and gasping for breat, not just for his own but for Jason’s. Nightmares continued to show him Jason’s name on a computer monitor next to the word deceased, and filled his body with hopeless devastation. “I can’t lose him again.”_

_“Marrying him won’t save him.”_

_Dick wished that Bruce could just empathize instead of rationalize. He had been holding back his anger at Bruce’s judgment during their conversation — he couldn’t figure out if Bruce didn’t recognize his feelings or was choosing to ignore them. Dick wasn’t sure which irritated him more._

_Dick laughed bitterly. “I’m trying to save myself.”_

It took all of Jason’s self-control to not take his eyes off the road so that he could watch his son in his rearview mirror singing along to the Disney mix Jason made for him. That kid knew the words to “I’ll Make a Man Out of You” like Jason knew the lines of _Die Hard._ Dick always sang in the car; that’s where Johnny picked it up.

“Daddy, again!”

His parenting style obviously led his son to believe that he called the shots, but Jason knew how to take him down a notch.

“Again, what?”

“Again, please.”

“You got it, Champ.”

These were the last moments Jason would get with his son until Friday afternoon. He thought the week dragged on before his separation, but the days seemed to never end in an empty apartment. Jason tried to take the biggest jobs he could find so that he didn’t have to be at home — could he even call it home anymore? The past four years had taught Jason that home was not just a place; loved ones were the best substitutes.

Packing Johnny’s bag every Sunday morning after only a weekend together was a challenge. Johnny was _his son._ Parents saw their children every day, so Jason should be seeing his son _every day._ But Dick had made sure that wouldn’t happen, and Jason knew who was pulling those strings. Dick’s custody lawyer screamed Wayne.

That fucking hurt.

Jason did his best on his own, but the world was doing a brilliant job of making him feel like the shittiest father. One of the few ways he could make up for his transgressions was to make Johnny’s favorite breakfast every Sunday morning. He could cook a mean chocolate chip pancake. If Jason let him, Johnny would devour his breakfast in one bite, but he had already been through one choking scare and was in no hurry to experience another one.

The closer he got to Wayne Manor, the more the speed limit decreased. Every second Jason gained in the car was another second with his son. He could listen to his son sing Disney songs all day. Jason wasn’t much of a singer, but when Johnny told you to sing with him, you sang with him. Jason’s voice was crap. Johnny could carry a melody like Dick. His bone structure was fine and sharp like Dick’s. His smile was sweet like Dick’s. No matter how many talked about how Johnny had Jason’s eyes, and nose, and angry face, all Jason saw was a carbon-copy of Dick.

When Jason pulled into the manor’s winding driveway, he spotted a figure on the porch. His mood turned more sour when he recognized the broad and intimidating stature of Bruce Wayne. On Fridays Bruce was still at the office, but any work Bruce had on the weekend he dealt with at home. Bruce at least had the decency to hole up in the Batcave when Jason relinquished his son into Dick’s custody, but Jason did not have a clue as to why Bruce would finally make an appearance after weeks of absence.

“Papa!” Johnny struggled to get out of his car seat, and it evoked a vile taste in Jason’s mouth.

“Wait for me, Johnny.”

Jason got out of his seat and helped Johnny out of his. As soon as his short legs touched the ground Johnny was running toward Bruce yelling, “Hi, Papa!” He hugged Bruce’s leg, and the man placed an affectionate hand on Johnny’s head. “Where’s Dada?” he asked excitedly.

“Here.” Dick emerged from the manor with his hair a mess, sweats and an old Wonder Woman shirt clothing his body. Jason heard that Scarecrow had been experimenting with new toxins, so patrol must have run late. “Hi, Baby.” Dick bent down to pick Johnny up and kiss his chubby cheeks. “Were you good for Daddy?”

Johnny laughed and shook his head. “No!”

“No?” Dick exclaimed, eyes widening comically. “Boys who misbehave don’t get Alfie’s cookies.”

“I was good,” Johnny quickly changed his mind, “so I can have cookies.”

“Mhm.”

Jason watched the exchange with detachment; it was like he wasn’t even there. But he wasn’t leaving until he said goodbye to Johnny. Bruce and Jason finally realized that Jason was still standing in the driveway, because they had suddenly gone silent, looking at him expectantly.

“What are you doing here?” Jason asked Bruce. The question was meant to be distracting; it was Bruce’s manor, of course he would be here.

Bruce was looking at him with a vacant expression, unreadable as always. “It’s been a few weeks,” was all he said, the explanation he thought suitable for the situation.

The last time he saw Bruce had been in the manor’s driveway nearly a month and a half ago, when he and Dick were engaged in a screaming match that had attracted the attention of the manor’s inhabitants. Steph and Cass had arrived minutes before Jason to train with Bruce in the cave, but opted for watching the chaos with Damian from the safety of the manor. Tim and Bruce were on the porch, ready to come in between them if necessary.

Dick berated Jason for being a half hour late with Johnny, and Jason lost his mind. Underneath the insults they hurled at each other was the real driving factor of their turmoil: fear. It was Dick’s fear that Jason had disobeyed the court and taken Johnny away so that Dick would never see him again. It was Jason’s fear that Bruce was manipulating Dick into keeping Johnny from him and isolating Jason from the family.

When the space between them continued to grow smaller, Bruce had stepped in, grabbing Jason’s arm to lightly push him away from Dick. The visit had been violating, and the only good that came out of it was Alfred bringing Johnny into the manor with the distraction of blueberry muffins. Jason was also lucky that he was allowed to return the upcoming Friday to take Johnny back to Blüdhaven with him.

Jason hoped he could make it through this drop-off without Bruce laying a hand on him.

“Daddy, let’s eat cookies.”

Jason smiled sadly at his son. “You go on ahead without me, Baby Bird.”

Johnny pouted and made a noise of protest as he wrapped his arms around Dick’s neck. Jason could see the sadness Dick felt for their son plainly on his face. He never noticed before, but Dick had bags under his eyes. They were red, whether from lack of sleep or excessive crying, Jason couldn’t be sure.

“Let me kiss you goodbye before I go.”

Dick set Johnny back on the ground so he could run back to Jason’s outstretched arms. Jason crushed Johnny to his chest, squeezing five lonely days’ worth of frustration and yearning into that hug. He placed a rough kiss to Johnny’s temple before releasing him for the week.

“Master Jonathan, your cookies await,” Alfred called from the doorway.

That kid was gone in a flash. Jason didn’t blame him. Under different circumstances he would have been hot on his kid’s tail, because Alfred’s cookies were as close to a spiritual awakening that anyone would experience.

“You look beat.”

Jason snorted at Dick’s wrinkled clothing and tangled hair. “Says you.”

“What I meant to say,” Dick explained, “was that you should come inside and take a few minutes to relax.”

Jason could only recall one or two other times when Dick invited him inside the manor, just to rest, maybe grab a bite to eat before the drive back to Blüdhaven. There was a time when Jason thought he could gage Dick’s moods, but he couldn’t discern what the deciding factor was for inviting Jason inside. He didn’t like being on his guard whenever he pulled into Wayne manor. There was a certain he was supposed to carry himself and speak to remain on his family’s good side, all for the sake of his son.

Dick crossed his arms over his chest and seemed to brace himself for Jason’s response. He could just be trying to be polite by inviting Jason inside, but if that were the case this was how all the Friday drop-offs would be. It was possible that Dick wanted Jason to accept his invitation, but it didn’t seem fair. Jason never invited Dick to Blüdhaven, and Blüdhaven was Dick’s city. Jason never invited anyone to Blüdhaven. The last time somebody stepped foot in his apartment was a month after Dick took Johnny. Tim found empty beer cans and vodka bottles under the kitchen table and in the couch cushions. Jason groveled like the pathetic piece of shit he was and begged him not to tell Dick or Bruce, because the drinking was supposed to have stopped. The drinking was one of the reasons Johnny wasn’t home. Tim promised that he wouldn’t but he did, however, take it upon himself to notify Roy, who broke into his apartment in the middle of the night to give him a lecture.

He and Roy weren’t necessarily on bad terms, but they weren’t on good terms either. They shared a common interest in haunted pasts, bad vices, and Dick Grayson. Jason considered Roy his friend, but their outlaw days weren’t spent sharing sob stories around a campfire. They found comfort in each other’s silent company. Roy would say that it was Dick who put a stop to their outlaw days. The beginning of Jason’s relationship with Dick was the end of his relationship with Roy.

Roy made sure to stop by every other weekend to check in on Jason. Lian’s death had sent him into another downward spiral, right back into the bottle, and also rekindled his relationship with the needle. The first time he stopped by Jason’s he had been sober for almost one year. Roy made it very clear that if he were to stop by again and see any more signs of Jason’s newfound alcoholism, then he would make sure that Johnny remained at the manor.

Jason didn’t doubt the seriousness of Roy’s threat, because he was taking Dick’s side.

“No,” Jason finally responded to Dick’s offer. “I took a job that I need to finish tonight.”

Dick pursed his lips and looked like he was going to protest, and Jason was determined to remain steadfast in his decision to leave. If he went inside, he would be teased with five more minutes of seeing Johnny, only to be kicked out with his dignity being dragged behind him. If he were to stay longer, that would open up the door for discussion, and he was not at place in his life where he could fake pleasantries with Bruce for more than a minute.

“Okay,” Dick consented. “Be safe tonight.”

“Always am, Dickie-bird.”

 

 

 

 

_Jason stepped through the threshold of their apartment with the centerpiece of their baby-friendly remodel bundled carefully in his protective arms. The shape was almost indistinguishable, but if you got closer you would be able to make out a pink, squished face. Eyes closed and breath even, the baby was content to sleep as Jason’s anxiety finally set when he and Dick were alone at their apartment with their new son._

_Watching his son being taken out of his artificial womb was the closest thing to seeing a baby breach the vaginal canal. And it was just as beautiful. He was pink, he was wrinkly, he was wailing, and he was perfect. He was Dick’s and his son._ Their son. _To Jason, he didn’t look much like any of them, so he thought Dick was ridiculous for gasping between cries, with tears streaming down his face, “He has your nose, Jay! Oh, my god, he has your nose.”_

_They had nearly nine months to decorate the spare room in their apartment, buy baby furniture, read the baby books, and choose a name for their baby._

_The name hadn’t been chosen until the last minute._

_Dick always felt guilty about keeping their relationship and marriage low-key around the family, so Jason hosted an intimate dinner at their apartment, where he announced to Tim, Damian, Bruce, and Alfred that he and Dick were expecting in six months. If anyone held doubts, they weren’t voiced them; it wouldn’t have been the time or the place. It was also Jason’s idea to throw a gender-reveal party, and he even asked Bruce if they could have it at the manor. The gender was revealed in the form of a cheesy poem, which was a mistake to have Dick read, because he was bawling before the worst word came out of his mouth, and his crying made what he was saying almost impossible to understand._

_They discussed prior to the gender reveal that no matter what gender the baby was going to be, it would be named after Dick’s parents. Jason wasn’t attached to any names, and he had no problem with Dick wanting to keep the spirit of his parents alive through their child. If Jason thought of a name that he became fond of, then they would use that as the middle name._

_Jason had asked Clark to write the poem for them and to include the baby’s name at the end to reveal the gender; he figured the journalist should write the poem, and as a thank you he and Conner were invited to the gender reveal party._

_When they got married, neither of them took the other’s last name. They made the decision to merge their last names through their children. Dick had broached the subject of children with Jason cautiously, and he shocked the pants of Dick when he told him that he wouldn’t mind starting right away. They had only been married for three months when they contacted Cadmus. Right before Thanksgiving, they received he news that they were going to be fathers._

_They were at Cadmus, forging Johnny’s birth certificate while the doctors ran tests on him, when Jason and Dick realized they had not chosen a middle name. Jason considered using his own, Peter, but wasn’t too keen on bestowing more than his last name on his son._

_“What about Bruce?”_

_Jason stilled._

_“Jonathan Bruce Grayson-Todd,” Dick said. “After both of my fathers…Yours too.”_

_Bruce was the man who raised him, taught him right from wrong, trained him, gave him a future…loved him. He was by no means the perfect mentor, but he had done a far better job than Jason’s biological father._

_But Jason had died. And Bruce had let the joker live._

_“Yeah. Bruce is good.”_

_At the end of the day, Jason knew in his core that he owed everything to Bruce._

_“You got him?” Dick asked with Cadmus’s care package in hand. He got the door for Jason whose hands were full with the best gift Dick had ever given him._

_“He weighs nothing,” Jason said in partial awe. He watched Johnny’s lips make small movements, like a fish’s mouth when it ate. “I just want to hold him…”_

_Dick placed a soothing hand on his shoulder and kissed his cheek. “I’m sure he’ll sleep just as well in your arms as he would in his crib.”_

_Dick had left to organize the items in their care package, while Jason turned on the television and sat on the couch with Johnny in his arms. Tim and Damian were being featured on a new segment about young entrepreneurs on the East Coast. Jason mostly listened, because he was too engrossed in watching his son lay still and look adorable. Maybe Johnny did have his nose…_

_Suddenly, Johnny’s breath stilled, and Jason sat up a little straighter. When Johnny’s opened his mouth and released a yawn, Jason let out a breath of his own and sat back against the couch. With such naïve trust, such unadulterated affection, Johnny nestled his face into Jason’s chest. That temperament was all Dick._

_“Jay.”_

_Jason tore his eyes away from Johnny and turned them on his watchful husband leaning against the corner of the couch. Dick hesitantly stroked the top of their son’s soft head. When he didn’t stir, Dick continued his caressing._

_“Our little miracle,” Dick whispered._

_The burden of his words weighed heavy on Jason’s shoulders. It was a miracle that they could be this happy, create this perfect family. There was so much room for mistakes. All of their happiness could be gone in the blink of an eye._

_“We did it,” Jason consoled the both of them. “He’s home.”_

Dick fussed with Johnny as he tried to get him settled in the booster seat. “Sit still so you can color, Baby Wing.” He strapped his son in, and spread out the different colored crayons in front of him. “What color is the sky?”

“Blue,” Johnny replied.

“Which one is the blue crayon?”

Johnny’s eyes moved back and forth between the blue and the purple before he picked up the correct crayon and held it out to Dick proudly. “It’s blue, Dada.”

“Good job, Baby."

“Why do you condescend him?” Dick looked up at Damian who was frowning inquisitively. “He’s a toddler, not a moron.”

“This is how they learn,” Dick explained. “Just ask him questions, and when he answers correctly you tell him that he did a good job.” Damian narrowed his eyes, still uncertain. “Johnny, Uncle Dami has a question for you.” Johnny paused coloring in the tiger on his menu and looked at Damian expectantly.

Damian cleared his throat. “What are you coloring?”

“A tiger.” Johnny pointed at the tiger for Damian to see. “He’s a big tiger.”

“What does the tiger say?” Damian continued to prompt.

“Roar!” Johnny growled with his hands held out like claws. Damian let slip a smile, didn’t even bother hiding it in front of Dick.

“Shh, inside voice, Johnny.” Dick picked up a green crayon and started coloring the grass.

One of the luxuries of working from home was taking breaks at one’s own convenience, and it was a luxury Damian had. Now that Dick had been transferred to the GCPD, he was able to meet Damian and Johnny for lunch in the city. Working under Gordon had its perks, such as him allowing Dick to change and be off duty for his lunches with Johnny and Damian. They met once a week, normally on Wednesdays. Not only was it good for Johnny to get out of the manor, it was healthy for Dick and Damian’s relationship.

Even though he and Jason’s marriage was close to finished, Dick knew that Damian was glad to have him around the manor again. Their time as Batman and Robin had really bonded them together, and Dick continued to spend one on one time with Damian. One weekend a year, he took Damian to Aspen for a ski trip. Damian also was treated to a special birthday dinner separate from the one with the family. Damian was his robin.

“How are you and Tim getting along?” Dick asked once the waiter left with their orders.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“He has to share some of the responsibility of the company with you now.” Dick scrunched his eyebrows. “Did something happen?”

Damian smirked. “Nothing that hasn’t already been happening.” Dick wondered if that statement was cloaked with a hidden meaning. “I do not wish to discuss Drake.”

“What would you like to discuss?” Dick asked, even though he already knew what subject Damian wanted to broach.

“You and Todd have not been moving forward.” Tell him something he didn’t know. Dick was grinding the crayon onto the page. “Is your current situation temporary — ” Dick colored faster — “or is this permanent?” The green crayon broke in half, useless and splintered. “Grayson?”

“We’re…good — fine. I don’t know.”

What Damian really meant was if he and Jason were at this standstill, why not just file for divorce?

The answer was simple.

Dick and Jason were stubborn, neither one willing to be the first person to extend an olive branch or serve the divorce papers. They were Robins, they were Nightwing and Red Hood, they were the kind of people who didn’t lay down their weapons and give up, and that left them at a standstill. Dick wasn’t sure about how Jason felt, but he was still madly in love with his husband.

They were stuck in purgatory.

Dick sighed and closed his eyes to keep the tears at bay. “Yesterday was our fourth wedding anniversary.” Damian’s eyes widened in realization. “He was twenty-two when we got married.” By now, Dick’s hands were shaking. “I’m not even thirty and I’ve been engaged to two women, and I am separated from my husband.”

In an aberrant show of concern, Damian covered Dick’s clasped, unsteady hands with one of his own. “There is still time to decide what your next step will be.”

There was only so much time Dick had to stall until the inevitable happened.

“Despite all this turmoil, Johnny is happy," Damian reminded him.

Dick looked over at his son, coloring his jungle cats in content, ignorant to the disorder that surrounded him. Only once did he inquire as to why he and Dick were living at the manor during their first month from Blüdhaven. Dick couldn’t even remember the lie he concocted to appease the childlike curiosity, but whatever it was had worked.

Johnny was not only happy, he was loved. The family showered his son with attention and more gifts than he needed, but it kept his son occupied and distracted from the fact that Jason was missing from the picture. Dick’s only job was to wear his plastic smile and carry on like it was any other day.

“My son is healthy and happy, and that’s a lot to be thankful for,” Dick closed the discussion. “Now,” he sighed, leaning back against the booth, “you and Tim…”

Damian had a yellow crayon in his hand and was coloring in the sun. “Uncle Dami, you're out of the lines.” Johnny grabbed Damian’s hand to steady his strokes.

“Johnny, we don’t grab,” Dick scolded.

“What is this new fascination you have with me and Drake?”

Dick shrugged and took a sip of his water. “You guys are acting weird.” He tried to seem casual, but his curiosity was getting the better of him. “Lately you guys have been…passive-aggressive. That’s just not your fighting style. I don’t even think you guys are fighting.”

“You are neurotic,” Damian insisted. “This Scarecrow case has been dragging for weeks, and it is muddling your brain.”

“Well, you guys did go out last night, and neither of you were in uniform — ”

“Drake and I are getting along better. What of it? I have matured in the eight years you have known me, so of course the _relationship_ — ” Damian spoke the word as if it tasted bad on his tongue — “between Drake and me has improved. You are catching flies, Grayson.”

Dick’s mouth had fallen open in shock, not sure if what he was hearing was correct. “I’m sorry, but it just sounded like you admitted to being a brat when we first met.”

“I may have been a bit rambunctious,” Damian admitted stonily.

“Uncle Dami is ram-bun-tis,” Johnny echoed, making Dick laugh at the surprised look on Damian’s face and the way his son mispronounced the word.

The waiter brought over Damian’s salad, Dick’s tuna melt, and Johnny’s cup of fruit. Dick was all for an unhealthy diet, but having a child made him extremely health conscious, and he only let Johnny eat junk about once a week if he could help it. Watching Johnny’s diet segued into watching his own; needles to say Dick wasn’t eating cereal five times a day anymore.

“Johnny. Sweetie.” Dick got his son’s attention as he cut his fruit into smaller, bite-sized pieces. “Tell Uncle Dami where Daddy is taking you for your birthday.”

Johnny perked up. “Me and Daddy are going to see Flash.”

“Jason is taking him to the Flash Museum next month,” Dick clarified for Damian, who was raising his eyebrows.

“You are letting Todd take him out of the state.”

Jason had called two weeks ago to ask if he could take Johnny to the Flash Museum for his birthday, and Dick had told him that he would think about it. Because Dick had sole custody and was the primary caretaker, Jason couldn’t take Johnny out of state without Dick’s permission. Jason could be hostile, but he would never do anything to endanger Johnny or violate the court agreement.

“Jason’s his father. He deserves to be with his son on his birthday.” Dick may have used Jason’s flaws against him in court, but that was for Johnny’s safety. Dick would never deny Jason time with his son out of spite. “I want Jason to come to Johnny’s birthday party.”

“Johnny would love that.”

“Jason can have the trip and the party. He needs more time…” Dick trailed off as his throat began to close. Once again, he was fighting back tears. “If he could just get better…”

Damian gazed at his nephew with a mix of adoration and pity. “You are dense if you think that Todd wouldn’t move planets for his son.”

Dick displayed a watery smile. “I hope he will.”

 

 

 

 

_Dick climbed through the window of his and Jason’s bedroom bleeding from a puncture wound on his side. It wasn’t deep and no major organs were touched, but Dick could feel the blood running down his right leg and it was becoming uncomfortable. The first thing Dick did when he got back from patrol was check in on his son, but Johnny hadn’t been sleeping well the last few nights and was afraid of waking him._

_Taking care to not rouse Jason, Dick grabbed a pair of sweats and wife beater out of his drawer, slipped into their bathroom, closed the door, and turned on the lights so he could undress. The wound looked worse than it actually was. He decided to run a bath and soak his muscles for a bit. The sound of the running water was already making his muscles relax; he had barely finished pouring in the shower gel when he jumped into the half full tub._

_Dick washed the blood off his leg with a loofah and carefully dabbed at his gaping wound. It hurt more to stand than it did to sit, and he wrapped himself in a dark towel so the blood wouldn’t show. He changed and quietly opened the door, pausing to listen for Jason’s even breathing before exiting their bedroom and stumbling to the kitchen._

_Jason warmed up leftovers from last night for dinner, and they were due for a grocery run, so Dick didn’t expect to find much food in the kitchen. He turned on the main light so he could see what was in the back of the cabinets. Dick recalled hiding a bag of marshmallows in one of their cabinets, but his delirious state was preventing him from remembering exactly which one._

_Dick grabbed one of the kitchen chairs to step on so he could reach the cabinet above the refrigerator; that was usually his go-to because it was the highest cabinet in the kitchen. Dick couldn’t even remember what they kept in their besides his food stash._

_He carefully stepped onto the chair and leaned over the top of the refrigerator to open the cabinet. Just as he thought, there was a bag of marshmallows at the very back of the cabinet. Dick stood on his toes to lean farther across the refrigerator, and the stretch still wasn’t enough. Frustrated, Dick used the refrigerator to push himself up and balance on top of it so he could grab the marshmallows. Dick didn’t notice that the plastic bag was snagged on a screw, and when he pulled, tore the bag open, unleashing marshmallows all over the cabinet, on the fridge, behind the fridge, and on the kitchen floor._

_“Damn it,” he muttered._

_Dick moved the marshmallows to one side of the cabinet to make the cleanup easier and away from the screw to avoid cutting his hand. Once the screw was not surrounded by marshmallows, Dick noticed that he had pulled part of the back of the cabinet out of place. Dick didn’t remember having a secret compartment in his kitchen. Dick seethed with rage when he pulled the secret compartment open._

_Guns. Everywhere._

_Before Johnny was born, Dick and Jason agreed that there would be no guns in the house. Jason agreed to store them in his safe houses, away from Johnny where he wouldn’t be able to find them._

_Dick caught Jason in a lie._

_It was two in the morning. Jason would get up with Johnny at six, and Dick was supposed to wake up in five hours. There was no time in the next twelve hours for Dick to bring up the guns. They wouldn’t be able to talk until dinner, so Dick would have to go to work in a bad mood; he probably wouldn’t even be able to sleep tonight._

_Dick closed the door on Jason’s dirty little secret and wondered what other secrets Jason was keeping._

_When Dick got into bed next to Jason, he felt dirty, like the space between them had significantly widened. The space, the love, everything they shared felt sullied._

_After hours laying awake, contemplating the “sanctity” of their marriage, Dick pretended to be asleep when Jason got up at six._

“Daddy…too high…”

Jason let up on the pushing. “Sorry, Baby Bird.” He softened the pushes so the swing didn’t fly higher than Johnny was comfortable with.

Jason’s plane landed in Gotham at eleven thirty Sunday morning, and he was surprised to find a text from Tim who wanted to meet up for lunch and hear about his trip to Keystone. Tim offered to take Jason back to the manor after lunch, and Jason agreed only if they could go to the park later. Although he got to take Johnny on a trip, Jason could never get enough time with his son.

Johnny had a bizarre infatuation with the Flash. Jason thought the red suit stood out, and Johnny was attracted to the spandex’s brightness. When they stepped foot inside the museum, that kid went crazy over the different costumes on display, and the large statues, and the posters. Jason bought him a Flash doll for him to sleep with at night, and Johnny hadn’t let go of it since Jason put it in his hands.

The Flash plushy was already covered in dirt from their park visit. One of his pudgy fists held tightly to the swing while his other arm had Flash clutched to his chest. Jason had tried to take Flash at lunch so Johnny wouldn’t get food on him, and the toddler screeched like somebody was trying to take one of his limbs. Eventually that plushy would need to be put in the washing machine, and Johnny was going to lose it.

Most of lunch was spent discussing the trip. Jason let Johnny tell Tim what they did. His excitement was contagious and adorable, and Jason would much rather hear Johnny talk than himself. Tim was amazing with Johnny, and Johnny adored Tim. Tim joked around with Johnny, showed him how to play pranks, helped him steal dessert before dinner, and had Kon fly him around the backyard whenever they were together.

Jason grabbed Johnny and pulled him out of the swing. “No, Daddy,” Johnny whined.

“You just ate a big lunch, and I don’t want you to get sick.” Johnny made a noise of protest. It had been a long day, and Johnny didn’t have a nap, so the poor baby was overtired. “Why don’t you go play in the sandbox?”

“No,” Johnny mumbled. He yanked on Jason’s hand, just to be difficult. “Daddy…”

“Uncle Tim and I are going to sit right here and watch you.” The sandbox was literally five feet away, a good enough distance for Johnny who let go of Jason and plopped his rump in the sand.

“I give it another ten minutes before he goes into meltdown mode,” Tim joked.

“Just remember,” Jason chuckled with a wicked smirk, “he’s going home with you.” As soon as the words left his mouth, Jason regretted that they made an appearance. Despite the upcoming tantrum, Jason wished more than anything that he could take Jason home.

“I know,” is all Tim needed to say. Tim watched Johnny deep in thought with his chin in his hand.

“What’s up?”

Tim’s eyes shifted to Jason, caution in his eyes. “I’m happy you got this trip. You deserve it.”

_You stopped drinking._

“Yeah. This time, I did.”

_I’m trying._

“I’m a good Dad.”

_Johnny is always safe with me._

“I shouldn’t be telling you this, because I don’t want to get your hopes up,” Tim said quickly, “but I think Dick is going to invite you to Johnny’s birthday party.”

Jason began to drum his fingers on his knee. “Really?” he said to himself, under his breath. Louder, he asked, “Why the change of heart?”

Dick didn’t flaunt the party in front of Jason, but he never extended an invitation to Dick. As far as Dick was concerned, the party didn’t even exist. Hell, Dick probably let Jason have this trip because he wasn’t going to be at the party, and Dick was still generous when he didn’t need to be.

“Because you’re better.”

Better meant not drinking himself into a stupor until the hole in his heart felt numb, not disappearing for days on jobs as Red Hood and Jason Todd, PI, without a word, not letting his demons interfere with the life he had built for himself…The list could go on.

“Then why is my family not home?” Jason asked bitterly.

Tim smiled wryly and gave Jason a knowing look. “Jason, come on.”

“What?” he snapped.

Tim gave him a disbelieving look, not buying his confused act. “You and Dick don’t communicate. He came to the manor in March, by the beginning of June you had your shit together, and…” Tim sighed. “You’re at a standstill because you and Dick are too scared to discuss anything that isn’t pick-up and drop-off times. He knows you’re doing well, he wants to invite you to the party, and you should call him tonight.”

Calling Dick was easier said than done. It was hard enough having a conversation with him face to face, but it was more difficult over the phone when he couldn’t see his face. Dick’s comments could be backhanded and veiled, and if Jason couldn’t see his face then he couldn’t decode what was going through Dick’s mind.

“If Dick wants me to come to Johnny’s birthday party, then he can call me.”

“–tt– You’re just as stubborn as he is.”

“What the hell was that?” Jason demanded.

“What was what?”

“You — Damian…That noise!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Tim dismissed.

“I think the Demon Spawn is rubbing off on you, Replacement.”

“Nope.”

“You’ve been spending lots of time together since his birthday.”

“He’s been involved with Wayne Enterprises, so we see each other at the office.”

“I was referring to the bedroom,” Jason scoffed. “I’m guessing Dick is clueless as to whatever is going on between you and him, because he isn’t too good at picking up on signals, but neither of you are fooling me.”

Tim seemed to shrivel into himself, back to looking like the teenager who had lost his father, his mentor, his best friends, his hope. “It’s complicated.”

“It always is with Damian.”

“You can’t tell Bruce.”

“The Big Bad Bat and I aren’t exactly on speaking terms.”

Tim stared at him in amazed gratitude. “You have nothing to say?”

Jason had plenty to say. “Dick and I jumped into wedlock and parenthood without discussing expectations. I’m not exactly in a position to talk.”

“But you loved each other,” Tim pointed out.

At this point, Johnny had grown bored of the sandbox and was back to tugging on Jason’s hand. His wails were the only sound in the empty park, unaware that his tired body was what was causing him so much distress.

“Yeah,” Jason agreed, hauling his son up on his lap. He rubbed soothing circles into his heaving back. “Still do.”

 

 

 

 

_It was a job gone wrong. The kid had been raised by a good family, was well provided for, and was very social at school. Jason presumed it was an open and close case. Kids like this usually ran away, and Jason could track them down, no problem. Kids like this usually didn’t end up in a dumpster behind a movie theater like this one did._

_Jason always had a soft spot when it came to kids. He spent most of his childhood with other kids, preferring to stay away from his parents as much as he could. When he got older, he took some younger children under his wing, gave them scraps of his food, handed out blankets he found and cleaned, anything that was under his control._

_Like everyone brought up by Bruce Wayne, Jason grieved through self-pity. Others tended to wallow in, but he suffocated in it, typically on his apartment’s balcony with a cigarette in his hand. The nicotine had a physical effect on him that overpowered his self-control, just like the emotional effect Dick had on him. But during times like these, times were Jason’s failures made him feel vulnerable, he needed the nicotine, not Dick; he didn’t need Jason dumping his shit on him._

_“Hey.” Jason turned around to find that Dick had joined him outside. His damp hair lay flat on his head, the longer strands plastered to his troubled face. “You quit smoking."_

_Jason took a long drag, maybe to piss him off so he’d leave. “I needed this one.”_

_Dick crossed his arms and leaned against the sliding glass door, expression unreadable. “What happened?”_

_“Bad job.”_

_“Tell me about it.”_

_Jason turned his back to Dick and held his cigarette over the banister. “It’s a long story,” was his excuse for shutting Dick out, and when he didn’t hear Dick go back inside he requested, “I want to see my son.” He wanted to feel Johnny’s breath in the crook of his neck, needed reassurance that his son was safe._

_Dick clicked his tongue and pushed off the door. “Johnny’s sleeping.”_

_Jason brought his cigarette to his mouth and inhaled again, trying to suppress his growing irritation at Dick’s persistence and obstinacy. “Wake him up.”_

_“Jason,” he admonished, “I’m not waking our infant son. He’ll be crying in a few hours for his feeding. You can hold him then.”_

_“I want him now.”_

_“Even if he was awake, you wouldn’t be allowed to hold him because you’re smoking,” Dick steamrolled him._

_“Dick — ”_

_“No, stop it,” Dick abruptly snapped. “If you don’t want to talk, you can’t bring work home.” He slid their door open and stepped back inside. “Put that out before you come in. I’ll wait up in case you change your mind about talking.” The both knew that wasn’t likely._

_What was Jason thinking, trapping Dick like this? Jason could admit that he wasn’t the easiest person to live with, be friends with, talk with, or be married to, and he could see how that took its toll on Dick. It wasn’t often that Jason opened up, confided in his husband, or made romantic gestures. Jason’s day job and night patrol sometimes got in the way of Jason making himself emotionally available to Dick._

_Dick resented him. How could he not? When they discussed marriage, Jason made promises in messy, tangled sheets as the sun rose outside their window, of which he underestimated the magnitude. He was not living up to Dick’s silent expectations._

_There were times when he wondered if he married Dick out of convenience, in weak moment of lust, maybe he had convinced himself that he loved Dick._

_Jason knew better._

_He was just an asshole._

_His favorite part of the week was Saturdays when he and Dick could sleep in and actually wake up next to each other during daylight. Jason would wake first, wrap an arm around Dick, whether from behind or from the front, and tuck his head under his chin and brush his thick hair until he stirred from sleep. Dick would open his pure blue eyes, clouded with sleep, and press lazy kisses to Jason’s neck and jaw. Sometimes it would go further, sometimes Jason was content to just hold Dick._

_Their son would wake them with his cries, and Dick would get Johnny so that Jason could start breakfast. If the week had been good, they would plan an activity on Friday night, like having a picnic or taking a ferry ride, anything that would get Johnny out of the house. At the end of the day, Dick would get Johnny ready for bed so that Jason could cook them a nice dinner. If he got wild hair up his ass, he’d light a few candles, put some flowers on a vase, maybe even run a bubble bath. If they weren’t too tired, they’d end their night with a round or two of great sex before falling asleep in each other’s arms._

_Yeah. He was an asshole. And assholes slept on the couch._

Jason arrived when they were about to light the candles on the birthday cake. He told Dick he would try and leave work by two, but he hadn’t left until three, which meant that by the time his car pulled into the driveway it was nearly four. It was the only time Dick would excuse Jason for being late, because they were hosting this party on a weekday and Jason had to make the drive all the way from Blüdhaven.

Like the doting father Jason was, he had a Toys R Us bag full of wrapped gifts for Johnny. Dick knew for a fact that one of them was a pair of Flash pajamas, because Jason had sent him a text to make sure that he had bought the correct size. As to what the other five gifts contained, Dick couldn’t guess.

The first thought that ran through Dick’s head when Jason stepped out of the car was that he looked good. _Really good._ He wore the brown leather jacket that Dick loved with a red v-neck and distressed black jeans; it was the nicest he had seen Jason look in months. He even got his haircut. Dick swore that he was looking at post-separation Jason.

It had taken all the courage Dick could muster to call Jason and invite him to the manor, and it had nothing to do with dignity or ego, because Dick was scared that Jason would say no, but a part of him was scared that Jason would say yes. Dick wanted Jason to be there for Johnny, but he wanted to avoid conflict. In the end, he decided that conflict might be avoided through confrontation.

Johnny liked chocolate cake like Jason, and Alfred pulled out all the stops on the triple chocolate cake. Dick wouldn’t be surprised if he was cleaning up vomit later in the evening. There were enough gifts for two birthday boys, and Tim had hung up balloons in the backyard. It was small, intimate, everything that Dick needed. And Jason was here.

“We’re lighting the candles,” Dick told Jason as he led him to the backyard. “I told him you would be here for his party, and he hasn’t stopped talking about you all day.”

“I made him! He better be excited.”

Dick smiled at Jason’s quip. “Did you buy the store?” he inquired about the birthday gifts.

“Of course. Paws off, Dickie-bird,” he ordered when Dick made a grab for the bag. “None of these are for you.”

“Hey!” Tim yelled from outside. “Your son is about ready to destroy this cake!”

Johnny’s arms were crossed, pout set on his face, waiting in his booster seat for his fathers to come outside so that they could sing “Happy Birthday.” His face lit up when he saw Jason, and he released a happy squeal with his arms held out. Jason swooped upon his son and peppered his beaming face with kisses.

“Thanks for waiting for me, Baby Bird.”

“Daddy, it’s chocolate cake!” he exclaimed.

“Are you going to share with Daddy?”

“Hmmm,” Johnny pretended to think. “You have to sing with me, Daddy.”

“Whatever you want, Champ.”

“Todd, move so I may light these candles. I’m sure the cake will taste like wax by now.” Damian hip-checked Jason out of the way before he got the chance to move and lit the candles. “Do not touch them,” he warned Johnny.

“Get next to your son,” Tim said from behind Dick, giving him a nudge forward. “You too, Jason. I’ll film this and send it to you guys.”

Dick obediently took his place next to Johnny and tried to ignore Jason on Johnny’s other side. They crowded around their son, the closest they had been to each other in months. Dick tried not to let it bother him as he smiled at Tim’s phone.

“Johnny, tell everyone how old you are,” Tim said.

“Three!”

When the singing started, Dick kept his attention on Johnny, who was watching the dancing flames jump in front of his eyes. At the end of the song, Dick and Jason had to help Johnny blow out his candles, and Dick couldn’t ignore how close his lips had gotten to Jason’s. He almost leaned in for a kiss out of habit.

Jason bullied Alfred into taking a seat and began cutting pieces of cake and handing them out to the family. Dick was impressed, to say the least. Jason even shook Bruce’s hand, said hello, asked how he was doing, and didn’t pick a fight. Everything was going as planned.

Johnny’s gifts were numerous. Dick was right about Jason getting Johnny Flash pajamas, and the rest were other Flash paraphernalia. Tim bought one of those bubble sets where the wand was almost as big as your body. Damian got Johnny a coloring book with new crayons. Dick insisted that Alfred watching Johnny while he was at work was enough of a birthday gift, but Alfred had insisted on buying something. They ended up with a compromise of Alfred accompanying Dick to the mall and picking out new outfits for his growing boy.

Bruce…Bruce came through with a check for Johnny’s pre-school he was supposed to start at the beginning of September. It was generous, and Dick had told Bruce that it wasn’t necessary, but when did Bruce ever listen to him? When Dick was opening Johnny’s new pack of crayons for him, he caught Jason pulling Bruce to the side and chose to believe that he was thanking Bruce for the check.

By eight-o-clock, Johnny was passed out on Jason’s lap. _Frozen_ was playing on the television screen, and the sun had set a half hour ago. The party was over, and nobody argued. Johnny enjoyed himself, and Jason got to be with his son. It was all Dick could ask for.

“Do you mind putting him to bed?”

“No problem.” Jason sounded like he meant it. “Uh…which room…?”

“He sleeps in your old room.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” Dick’s lips were suddenly very dry. “I, um, just wanted him to feel like he was with you. I know it’s silly.”

“Not at all.”

“Dick!” Tim called from the kitchen.

“I’ll find you before I leave,” Jason said before heading up the stairs.

Dick entered the kitchen, where Tim was doing the dishes. “Where’s Alfred?”

“Bathroom. Told him I could take over until he returned.” Tim stacked a row of plates neatly in the dishwasher. “So, tonight was a success.”

“Yup.”

“Glad I made you call him?”

“I would’ve done it without you telling me.”

“No, you wouldn’t have, Dick. That’s the point.”

“What point is that?” Dick asked on the defense.

“That if you guys talked you could work things out.”

“Jason doesn’t talk.” Neither did he, but Dick wasn’t claiming to be perfect. If he was, he and Johnny would still be in Blüdhaven. “We’re doing our best. Communication isn’t up to par, but we’re beyond hurling insults at each other in the driveway.”

“Now you guys are just pining after each other.”

“Oh, please.”

“ _Dick._ ” Tim stopped loading the dishwasher to give him a reproached look _. “_ Every time he comes over, you guys gaze at each other like forbidden lovers. It’s sickening. You clearly miss each other.”

If things were simple, Dick would pack up his and Johnny’s things and drive back to Blúdhaven with Jason that night. But being married to Jason taught Dick that love was not enough to keep a marriage in tact. If it was, Dick wouldn’t be standing where he was.

Jason’s choices had torn them apart. Dick contributed to the destruction of their marriage, but it was Jason who pushed him to leave, not the other way around.

“Dick.” Jason stood in the threshold of the kitchen. “I’m taking off. This was…nice.”

“Johnny had fun.” Dick felt Tim boring a hold in the back of his head. “It’s dark and the drive is long, so if you want, I could make up one of the guest bedrooms for you.”

That was so stupid. Why had he done that? He didn’t mean to make Jason uncomfortable. It just slipped out of his mouth.

“No. Thank you,” Jason declined with shifty eyes. “I need to be up early tomorrow.”

Dick nodded. “Drive safe.”

He watched Jason drive away from the living room window, and hated himself for wishing that Jason had stayed.

 

 

 

 

_It had been a long night. Johnny ran a fever of one hundred degrees, and while Dick was rocking his son, trying to console him, Jason had been on the phone with urgent care, trying to decide if they needed to bring Johnny to the hospital. Needless to say, none of them got sleep that night, and they were paying for it that morning._

_Dick had been back at work for two weeks and was still trying to get into a routine. Johnny was barely three months old, and Dick sometimes had anxiety leaving Johnny at daycare. Lack of sleep was only going to make Dick’s nerves worse, and it was worsening his already terrible cooking skills._

_Jason was showering, which left Dick to feed Johnny, but they were also running late, so Dick was trying to make breakfast at the same time. The burnt eggs and toast were a sign that the rest of the day was going to go just as well as the morning was progressing._

_Jason entered the kitchen, towel wrapped around his waist, body dripping with water. “Where’s breakfast?”_

_“Ruined.” Dick set Johnny down in his bouncer and threw the burnt breakfast in the garbage. “There’s cereal in the cabinet and milk in the fridge.”_

_“So…no breakfast?"_

_“I just said there was cereal.” Dick’s tone was icy, but Jason knew he wasn’t much of a cook, and if he wanted a good breakfast, then he should have made it himself. “You’re dripping water all over the floor,” he added for good measure._

_“I’ll wipe it up without burning it.”_

_Dick flared with irritation. “Don’t be dramatic.”_

_“Well, shit, I ask you do to one thing and you botch it up — ”_

_“Jason, I’m trying to feed the baby, make breakfast, and get ready for work while you take your time showering, so don’t lash out — ”_

_“I wouldn’t do that, because it would be too dramatic for you.”_

_Jason’s passive-aggressive jabs at everything Dick was saying were enough to rile Dick up, and usually he could rise above Jason’s temper, but he got barely an hour’s worth of sleep last night, and he was freaking out about taking Johnny to daycare and getting to work on time._

_Jason didn’t get it._

_It was like he forgot Dick had been awake with him. Dick had even volunteered to take Johnny to the doctor’s the next morning, but Jason’s work schedule was more flexible than Dick’s, so he offered to take Johnny instead. Dick was just as tired, just as irritable as Jason._

_Dick grabbed his keys from the kitchen counter. “I have to go. When you’re at the doctor’s, be sure to ask — ”_

_“About the rash, I know.” Jason was being short with him. “You don’t think I know how to take care of my son?”_

_“I never said anything about — ”_

_“I’ll take care of it. Just go to work.”_

_Dick hated to admit it, but Johnny had changed the dynamic of their marriage in ways he did not foresee. They loved Johnny unconditionally, considered him to be the best thing that ever happened to them, but he and Jason projected on each other when the stress of parenting became too much, and Jason spent more nights on the balcony than he did before Johnny was born._

_He and Jason coped with stress differently. If they weren’t arguing, Dick was trying to get Jason to open up while he’d rather isolate himself with his cancer sticks. What it came down to, was they weren’t communicating, something neither of them were very good at. But all new parents went through this. A new baby was bound to stir anxiety and turn a household upside down. He and Jason weren’t the only parents going through this._

_It would eventually work itself out._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. I actually updated. Didn't expect this so soon.
> 
> Just so you guys know, while I wrote this chapter I listened to "Over and Over" by Three Days Grace, so if you want to, check it out. I feel like this could possibly be this story's anthem. 
> 
> In this chapter we get more into the different problems that have broken Jason and Dick up (there are A LOT) and we get hints of how Dick has contributed to these problems. 
> 
> Just want to say a quick thanks to those who have been leaving comments (LOVE THOSE) and subscribing and bookmarking and leaving kudos and even just reading. You're all the best <3
> 
> [My Tumblr](http://burningice2.tumblr.com/)

Friday afternoons were allotted for grocery shopping. As a PI, Jason kept his own hours and had the luxury of planning work around his errands. Jason didn’t patrol Thursday nights so he could get up early the next day. He’d spend the first few hours of the day working at his rented office space and at around one or two pick up groceries for the week. Sometimes he could go two weeks without buying groceries, because most of the week he was only feeding one person. Barely.

That week, Jason lost his tail. His phone vibrated and he meant to briefly glance at it before pocketing it, but he didn’t expect to see Dick’s name across his screen. He hesitated a second too long as he considered opening the text and reading it. By the time he decided that it could wait, his guy had disappeared into the crowd. When Jason found his guy, he only had another hour until he had to drive to Gotham and pick up Johnny.

Right before starting his long drive through traffic, Jason opened Dick’s text.

_I loved seeing you at Johnny’s party._

Love, huh?

Dick was not at the manor to see him off, because Bruce had sent him and Tim to South Africa. Jason chewed Bruce out on that decision. Dick was supposed to be there every Friday and Sunday afternoon; it was the only time that he could see Dick and talk to him about anything concerning Johnny, whether it be his health, appointments, trips, or anything as simple as if he was well-behaved. And Jason just liked seeing Dick’s face. There were still times when he would wake up, roll over and reach an arm out to the empty space next to him and expect to make contact with living flesh. One weekend he even made three sandwiches for lunch, for him, Johnny, and Dick. He threw out the third one before Johnny got any ideas in his head.

“Is this how his weeks are spent?” Jason snarled. “Dick leaves his son so he can play Nightwing International? Fuck, Bruce, if he fought so damn hard to keep his kid for the week, then he better be home every single fucking day that he has Johnny, otherwise my son should be with _me!_ Not _you! Me!_ ”

Damian happened to bring Johnny outside at the most inopportune moment, meaning Damian stepped onto the front porch with Johnny’s hand in his when the words “domineering prick” slipped out of Jason’s mouth. His son gawked with wide eyes at his Daddy throwing obscenities at his Papa, the man who would hold him on his lap and watch _Doc McStuffins_ every Tuesday and Thursday morning before going to work.

What was one more traumatic moment for his child?

After fighting with Bruce, Jason buckled Johnny in his car seat and restrained himself from tearing out of the driveway at full-speed. He tried to shield his son from the arguments maneuvering between his family, most of them involving himself. “Sorry, Buddy.”

“What?” Johnny asked. His little legs hung over his car seat, swinging back and forth, feet covered by red shoes with the Flash insignia, and with his Flash doll cradled in his arms, just like it had been for the past three weeks. “Daddy, I’m hungry.”

He was still a little to young to understand.

Jason dropped it.

For dinner, Jason took Johnny to a jungle-themed restaurant. The staff gave him a free elephant baseball cap to wear, and Jason let him eat all the chicken-fingers and fries that he wanted. Jason’s plan was to get Johnny up early so that they could grocery shop for the rest of the week. He had an almost empty box of Lucky Charms, and that was breakfast.

At eight in the morning, Jason drove to the grocery story. When he tried to put Johnny in the seat of the shopping cart, he protested, “No, Daddy. I wanna walk.”

Jason hesitated. He was only comfortable with Johnny walking around stores when somebody else was with him to make sure that Johnny didn’t wander off. It was difficult shopping with a toddler who thought that the world was their oyster and had none of the fears that plagued Jason every day.

“Okay, but you have to hold my hand.” He received a pout. “If you let go of my hand, you go in the cart. Got it?” No response. “Say, yes, Daddy.”

“Yes, Daddy.”

The first item on Jason’s list was pancake mix for Sunday morning. Next were the chocolate chips, then bread, peanut butter, and jelly for lunch. After were the ingredients for meals that he would prepare throughout the week. Shopping with only one available hand was difficult, but Jason was managing. He didn’t have the time to plan much of a day for Johnny, so they would probably watch television or color.

Jason was trying to find the last item on his list when he accidentally knocked several bags of Doritos off the shelf. He caught as many bags as he could fit into his arms and shoved them back into place, ignoring the people in the aisle giving him dirty looks. He grabbed the cart with one hand and in the other…

Nothing.

Jason looked down and, yep, Johnny was not there. He turned around to find nothing. Johnny wasn’t on the other end of the aisle either. A parent’s worst nightmare was to lose their child, but Jason never thought it would feel like this, like someone had reached inside of his chest and tore his heart out, their other hand wrapped around his throat, squeezing until he couldn’t intake another breath.

He abandoned his shopping cart and started running around the store, looking down every aisle for those red shoes, refusing to let too many negative thoughts brew in his head, especially that worst case scenario. People were looking at him like he was crazy, but they could all go fuck themselves because his damn kid was missing.

Johnny could still be in the store, god forbid somebody had taken him, whether it be a stranger or someone with a sinister painted smile armed with a crowbar…

Jason was going to be sick.

Dick was going to absolutely lose his —

“Daddy, I found cookies!”

Jason jumped. By his side was Johnny, presenting him with a box of chocolate chip cookies, an innocent smile on his face, ignorant to the fear his disappearance awakened inside Jason. And fear made Jason angry.

Without a word, Jason yanked the cookies from his son and tossed them on a random shelf. The shopping was forgotten; Jason dragged his son through the grocery door with only getting him to the safety of their car in mind. He ignored the heaving sobs coming from the small body in his hands as he buckled his son in his car seat. Johnny was the kind of kid to get embarrassed when he got in trouble, especially in front of other people, and his little hands were trying to cover his red face as he cried.

Jason ignored him and kept his focus on the road. He had never lost Johnny, and as far as he knew, neither had Dick. They were both neurotic when it came to parent, Dick more so when Johnny was sick, Jason when it came to strangers, whether they looked suspicious or were housewives cooing at the cute baby in the stroller. So he was paranoid; sue him. He died and came back to life, so in his opinion, he deserved to have some neurotic tendencies.

“Daddy, I’m sorry,” Johnny sniffled through his tears. “Are you mad?” he asked when Jason remained silent.

Jason relaxed his grip on the steering wheel and took a few deep breaths to calm down so he wouldn’t project onto the scared toddler. “No, Johnny. I’m not mad.” Johnny hugged Flash to his chest and wiped his nose on him. “Johnny…when you leave me…Daddy gets scared. You can’t scare me like that. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Daddy. Sorry.”

“It’s okay, Baby. Just don’t do it again. And _don’t_ tell Dada.”

Jason connected his phone to the auxiliary cord and selected the Disney playlist to lighten the mood. The familiar drumming of “I’ll Make a Man Out of You” played through the speakers, and Johnny immediately perked up, head slightly bobbing to the beat.

Jason mumbled to himself, “Don’t leave Daddy.”

 

 

 

 

_This guy wouldn’t shut his fucking mouth. Jason had already poured him a glass of brandy, and alcohol was still not enough to appease him. It felt like hours that Jason spent waiting for this guy to show up and then listening to him rampage. He drank the glass in half a minute, yet he continued to pace the room with his pig-face pink with rage._

_“You need to bring her home.”_

_“You asked me to make contact, and I did. She refused to leave with me, Mr. Hash.”_

_Eileen was seventeen, a runaway, and was refusing to return home. The cops had the authority to make her go home, but Jason wasn’t a cop. He should have told Dick about the case, but Jason suspected Bernard Hash was abusing his daughter. There was no proof, she wasn’t talking, so no legal action could be taken. He wanted no part in returning a kid to an abusive environment, but he was getting paid to do a job, and he was only worrying because of a hunch. Once Jason found her, he called Mr. Hash to meet with him at his office to discuss payment._

_Apparently, their opinions on Jason’s job description differed._

_“I’m paying you to return my daughter.”_

_“You’re paying me to_ find _your daughter. If you want her home, you call the cops. My job is done.”_

_“You listen here,” Mr. Hash said with a finger jabbed at Jason, “my wife is worried sick. Every night I deal with the waterworks and the dramatics. I got your fucking money. Now get back out there, and bring that ungrateful bitch home.”_

_Jason took a sip of his own brandy and let the cold drink ease the tension out of his body. “Our agreement was I would track your daughter. Private investigators find people. The cops can take it from here.” Mr. Hash’s unmovable decision to not involve the police was the main reason Jason believed he wasn’t coming from a place of concern._

_“You bring her back, damn it!”_

_“Drive your ass to Mealtide Park and get her yourself.”_

_The situation escalated when Mr. Hash threw his brandy glass at the wall behind Jason, who didn’t even flinch at the sound of glass shattering behind him. Mr. Hash licked his lips and reached a sweaty hand into his pocket. He pulled out a roll of bills and tossed them on Jason’s desk._

_“Half the payment for a half-assed job.”_

_Mr. Hash must have been shocked when Jason jumped the desk and tackled the hefty man to the ground, stomach on the floor, hands held behind his back, arms twisted painfully. Nobody fucked Jason Todd out of a deal._

_“I’m going to pull the rest of the payment out of your pocket, I’m going to let you up, you’re going to leave, and you’re not going to breathe a word of this to anyone. Understand?” He didn’t even wait for a response before he reached inside Mr. Hash’s pocket and took out the rest of his cash. Jason got off his back, and Mr. Hash scrambled to his feet._

_“You’re crazy!” he shouted before running out of the office._

_Jason snorted, took another sip of his brandy, and said aloud, “Like that’s the first time I’ve heard that.”_

_He would have to go back to Mealtide Park and talk to Eileen. The most he could do was direct her to the best women’s shelter. Jason knew he couldn’t save everyone — his death proved that — but, dam it, he was going to try. If he could come back from the dead, then he could save the world._

_Jason settled into his chair and finished off his brandy, and wanting more brandy reminded him that there was broken glass and alcohol all over his floor. He really didn’t feel like cleaning that up, and his phone vibrating served as the perfect method of procrastination._

_“Hey, Dick — ”_

_“_ Where the _hell_ are you _?” Dick’s voice was full of venom, but it sounded like he was trying to be quiet._

_Jason frowned. “Selling my ass to provide for my family.” Mr. Hash was not the only person upset with him. “What did I do wrong, now?”_

“How about forget to pick up our baby, Jason. _Our baby_!”

_Oh, fuck him._

_Stephanie had been begging to babysit, so he and Dick allowed her to watch Johnny all Saturday. Dick had to drive to Metropolis to help Clark investigate a white-collar crime for a story, so Jason figured he could let Stephanie watch Johnny so he could go on a job._

_Jason took the phone away from his ear to look at the time. It was six, and he was supposed to get Johnny at three. For shits and giggles he checked how many missed calls he received: eight from Steph and twenty-four from Dick. He was going to be sleeping on the couch tonight._

_“Dick, I’m sorry, I was dealing with this client — ”_

_“_ I don’t care _,” Dick hissed. “_ You _forgot_ Johnny!”

_“Dick — ”_

“We both lead very stressful lives, I get it, but we agreed that Johnny would come first, even if it meant giving up the guns, or the escrima sticks, or the badge.” _Jason wasn’t able to get a word in, because Dick was going berserk._ “I mean, god, Jason, it’s not like you were late for dinner. I know it’s hard for you to keep your commitments with me, but I thought you’d have enough respect for Johnny — ”

 _“Hey, I’m doing my best!” Jason shouted into the phone, freeing the anger building up each time Dick cut him off. “I had some asshole client try to kill me, and I’ve got you up my ass! I forgot to pick him up from_ Steph’s. _I didn’t leave him to fend for himself — ”_

“You’re missing the point! Steph missed her date, and you _forgot your son!_ ” _Well, Dick wasn’t bothering to keep quiet anymore, because he was full on yelling._ “Out of all the _shit_ you’ve pulled — ”

_“You’re no angel, Dick.”_

_A pause._

“We aren’t talking about me.”

_“It’s never about what you do wrong.”_

_“Because I don’t forget my child!” Dick screamed, the loudest Jason had heard from Dick in months._

_Jason’s blood boiled when he began to speak but was met with dial tone. Now he understood why Dick hated it when he did that, because Jason was seeing red._

_He fucked up. It was a dick move, forgetting to pick up your kid from anywhere. His bad. But Dick was infuriating. Dick was usually the reasonable one in the relationship, but if you pushed the wrong buttons — like Jason sometimes did — Dick could get nasty and vicious. Yell first, ask questions never. But Dick was his worst whenever he was around Bruce. Jason could not stand Dick when he got home after helping Bruce with a case for a few days._

_But like Dick said, this was about Jason, and how he always screwed up._

Jim Gordon hated attention, so of course Dick was going all out for his birthday. He had the whole squad in on the surprise. There was going to be cake, gifts, balloons, and people singing off key.

Dick depended on the family to help with Johnny more than he liked to admit, especially since Jason didn’t have anybody in Blüdhaven to depend on. That evening, Dick realized that he never bought Jim a birthday card and was stuck bringing Johnny to the store with him, because Alfred and Tim were busy taking care of Damian, who got sick in the foyer, and Bruce was on a business trip in London.

It had been quite awhile since Dick had been out of the manor with Johnny alone. Jason was resentful for having such little time with Johnny, but what everybody forgot was that Jason got Johnny on the weekends. Dick had Johnny during the week, when he was at work all day while Johnny stayed at the manor with Alfred. Jason got to take Johnny on fun escapades around Blüdhaven. Dick couldn’t even remember the last time he got to take Johnny to a movie, or to the park, or to the zoo.

People forgot that Dick was hurting, too.

Because Dick contributed to the annihilation of their relationship, too.

Being alone with Johnny like this was rare, and Dick was going to enjoy every second of it, even if it was going to be spent at a department store shopping for a birthday card. Unfortunately, luck hadn’t been on Dick’s side for months.

He should’ve known that the trip to the department store was not going to go his way when Johnny didn’t want to leave the manor. Flash was in the wash, and Johnny was sitting in front of the washing machine, waiting until he could pull his doll out and put it in the dryer. These days, Johnny refused to leave the house without Flash. Dick managed to coax Johnny to the car with the promise of snacks, but those were only going to hold him over for so long.

Everything was okay when Dick got Johnny out of the car and carried him into the store. In Dick’s opinion, he was getting a little big to be getting carried around everywhere, but the kid was a wanderer, and it was difficult to shop and watch Johnny at the same time.

It really should have been a quick trip — get in, get out. Dick had the card and the envelope in one hand, Johnny in the other, and the cash register was in site.

“Dada, I wanna get down.”

Dick squatted so he could plop Johnny safely on the ground. “Hold my hand, please.”

“No.”

“Jonathan…” Dick grabbed the still child’s hand and ignored the whines he started to emit. Johnny’s bedtime was in thirty minutes, so he was starting to become fussy. If he could just get to the register…

“Dada, look! It’s Flash!”

_Shit._

Johnny was tugging on his hand, trying to pull him down the aisle boasting superhero toys. What Johnny had seen was a Flash action figure, packaged in a red box. It was any Flash fan’s dream toy, but it was most likely being sold for thirty dollars, and Johnny didn’t need anymore toys, especially toys that cost that much money. Just because Dick could afford to a rich life, didn’t mean that he wanted to live one.

“Johnny, we’re leaving. It’s time for your bath.”

 _“No!”_ His shrill voice rang throughout the store, and people were beginning to stare.

Johnny was the kind of toddler that became very cranky if he did not get his sleep, so Dick and Jason always kept him on a strict schedule. Tantrums were rapid and more intense if Johnny was tired.

“Jonathan Bruce, do not sass me.” Dick tried to keep his voice firm, but level. People screamed at their children when they were teenagers and knew the difference between right and wrong — not that Johnny didn’t know the kind of behavior he and Jason expected from him. Dick just couldn’t justify losing his temper with a child if he could help it.

“I want it! It’s _mine_!” This was a code red tantrum, and Dick’s first time experiencing one without Jason to wrangle Johnny out of the store.

Dick had drag his screaming, bawling son to the register and pay for Jim’s birthday card while holding onto his escape artist-in-training. Everyone looked concerned, and some probably thought that he was trying to kidnap his son. It was almost impossible to hear anything that the cashier was saying over the angry, tired cries of his son, cries that sounded painful.

He could not get out of that store fast enough. Dick had forsaken appearances and settled for stuffing the now crumpled card in his jacket pocket and jogging, wailing son in his arms, to the car. To make matters worse, Johnny started kicking the back of the passenger seat.

Johnny was hard to ignore when he got this loud for this long, and Dick had to concentrate on the road and restrain himself from checking on Johnny; he was crying so hard that Dick was afraid he would make himself physically sick from how hard he was crying.

Dick didn’t even try reasoning with Johnny or barking demands for him to stop or else he would be punished. At times like this, all there was he could do, was haul his son out of the car and drag him into the house. Alfred was in the kitchen, finishing dishes for the night, and gave Dick and the blotchy toddler a sympathetic look before going back to his business.

Dick was insane for going through with bath time, but Johnny had been on the grounds every day this summer and, damn it, Dick was going to wash every piece of dirty, every trace of grime off Johnny’s trembling, exhausted body. His poor baby was so drained that he didn’t even bother fighting back or splashing around, just letting Dick maneuver him as he pleased, while he continued to cry.

When he was done bathing Johnny, Dick wrapped his son in a towel and carried him to Jason’s old bedroom, which had become Johnny’s home over the last few months, and sat him on the bed. Dick grabbed the first pajamas he could find — a Batman t-shirt and matching pants — and pulled limp limbs through their sleeves. He tucked Johnny into Jason’s old bed, now awash in Johnny’s flowery fumes, rather than the oaky musk of Jason’s scent. Dick rubbed gentle circles into Johnny’s back, trying his best to soothe away the silent tears still streaming down his face.

Jason was always better at this; he had an air of authority that Dick could never carry. He made people listen to him, respect him, fear him, because that’s what Jason did, put the fear of God in people. Jason was better at reprimanding Johnny and threatening him with punishments, could make him feel ashamed of his behavior.

Dick was the nurturing parent. One of his biggest flaws was that he loved too much and too fast — his romantic history was proof enough. Johnny usually sought Dick out for kisses and cuddles, and Dick was willing to indulge his child, too much if you asked Jason. Dick’s love could be suffocating, and sometimes he let Johnny get away with too much, but somebody had to make up for Jason’s occasional emotional unavailability.

It was just last week when Jason dropped Johnny off, that he made a joke about how much more well-behaved their son was when Jason dropped him off at the end of the weekend as opposed to when he picked Johnny up from the manor on Friday. Jason could have easily turned that into a jibe at Dick’s parenting skills, but he and Dick laughed together, and it was like experiencing a déjà vu of a memory that didn’t exist

When Dick felt the slow, even breaths in Johnny’s body, he kissed his son on the temple before quietly exiting the bedroom. The quiet and solace of his bedroom called to him. It was only eight, but he felt like he had been awake for days. Patrol started in two hours. He wouldn’t be back in bed until two. His night was just beginning.

Dick sat on his bed, and once he had that moment to himself, he really began to feel the migraine raging in his head, the energy draining out of his body, the numbness in his chest, that hollow feeling you get when you’ve had something taken from you and you’re left alone to deal with the aftermath.

Dick hid his face in his hands and inhaled one, long, deep breath.

Since moving to the manor in March, the one time Dick allowed himself to cry was on his and Jason’s fourth wedding anniversary.

This was the second.

 

 

 

 

_It was three in the morning on a Friday night, and Jason was still not home. With the kind of lives they lead, this was cause for concern. Dick didn’t ask for much. All he wanted was a quick text from Jason saying what time he was going to be home, or that he was going to be late. A silent phone gave Dick anxiety._

_When Jason didn’t pick up after the first five calls, Dick called Damian, who reported that Jason left patrol early at midnight, which was not at all like Jason. Damian could not disclose Jason’s reasons for doing so because Jason was hush-hush on his plans. Dick was aggravated by Damian’s nonchalant attitude about Jason’s whereabouts and had snapped at him over the phone._

_Dick spent the majority of his night sitting by Johnny’s crib, watching his baby sleep safely as he worried about Jason’s. He played around with the wedding band on his finger, twisting it left and right, thinking about why Jason would leave Damian alone on patrol, especially on a night when Damian needed the help because of Tim, Cass, and Steph’s absences from Gotham._

_He replayed the last conversation he had with Jason in his head. Jason had made an underhanded comment about Dick leaving his clothes all over the bedroom. He hated coming home to a dirty house, and Dick wasn’t exactly a housewife: cooking and cleaning were not skills listed on his resume. Dick was too engrossed with feeding Johnny to respond to Jason. The mess was forgotten, and Jason started talking about a case Bruce wanted him to work and asked Dick if he would take the case instead. Dick said he’d think about it._

_If he wasn’t working alone, Jason favored working with either Tim or Damian on a case and not under Bruce. Jason was still not in a place where he could work under Bruce and maintain their unsteady relationship. Dick was all for forcing Jason into these situations with Bruce, because their relationship would not progress further unless they learned to cooperate as Batman and Red Hood._

_He called across the apartment for Jason to be safe, but was met with the sound of the front door slamming, and that was the last interaction he had with Jason._

_Watching Johnny sleep started to make him more anxious, especially since his button nose was reminding Dick of Jason, and how Jason wasn’t home, with his family, where he was supposed to be. Dick moved from Johnny’s bedroom to the living room and settled into the couch. He turned on the television, but wasn’t really watching the pictures dance on the screen._

_What sucked was how hopeless this situation was making Dick. He couldn’t put on his Nightwing suit and slip out to find Jason, but he had a baby in the other room, and Dick wasn’t sure who else was awake this early in the morning to come over and watch him. All Dick could do was play the waiting game._

_The waiting game ended at four in the morning, when Dick heard loud laughter outside the apartment door. There was the sound of keys fumbling inside the lock, and then the front door was pushed open, displaying Jason hunched over and cackling, being supported by another body behind him._

_Roy._

_Dick hadn’t seen Roy in about two years. He disappeared after Lian died, and soon after was when he, Jason, and Kori teamed up for almost a year. The last time Dick confronted Roy about his addictions, they hadn’t spoken in almost a year. It made sense that the next downward spiral Roy experienced, he didn’t even bother seeking Dick out._

_Roy looked different, worse than Dick remembered. Whenever Roy came to mind, Dick imagined a strong, broad young man with flaming red hair, a smile that killed, and eyes alive with the adrenaline of a fight. This was the Roy Dick hated, the toxicity that Dick couldn’t have in his life. He was pale, cheeks hallowed, eyes dead, weight low. The worst was Roy’s hair. It hadn’t been cut in months, now reached his shoulders, the lively color dulled by the poisons he put in his body. The alive red of Roy’s hair was reduced to a dry strawberry-blonde._

_Both Jason and Roy were clearly intoxicated, hanging onto each other for support and laughing at a joke Dick didn’t find funny. He was concerned for Roy, because Roy was his friend, but Dick didn’t have a family before, and now his family came first. What Dick saw in front of him was a lethal threat to everything Dick worked hard to keep in tact. Jason would never come home this late, this intoxicated. It was unacceptable._

_Dick didn’t have words for the ugly scene in front of him. They were acting like Dick wasn’t even in the room. He cleared his throat loudly over the howls of his husband and estranged friend, and they finally quieted and took notice to the angry man in their presence._

_“Dick!” Jason exclaimed. “Baby…you’re home…” Definitely drunk if he was calling Dick pet names and struggling to string his words together._

_“Dick?” Roy asked, not even processing that Dick was in the same room. “F…fuck tha — that guy…Shitty fucking friend.”_

_“Don…Don’t cry, Roy.” Jason wrapped his arm around Roy’s shoulder. “I can — I can be your — hic — your friend.”_

_Dick was livid, infuriated that Jason would do something like, show up like this at their home, where their nine month-old son was sleeping. Speaking of Johnny, that was him wailing in the back of the apartment, because Jason and Roy’s racket had woken him up._

_“I — I gotta go get my son — ”_

_“No!” Dick barked. “You don’t get to touch him when you’re like this.” Dick glared at Roy, the cause of all this. “Roy, you can’t be here like this. Call someone and have them take you home.”_

_Roy’s hazy eyes were out of focus, and he was barely standing on his feet. “The perfect Dick Grayson…Fuck. You.”_

_“Hey!” Jason stepped into Roy’s space and got in his face. “Don’t speak t — to my husband like that.”_

_“Fuck you, too.”_

_Dick pushed his way in between the two men and grabbed Roy by his bicep. “Sorry, but you need to leave.” He opened his front door and easily shoved Roy into the hall. “Call a ride,” he instructed Roy before closing the door in his face._

_There would have been a time, before Johnny, when Dick would have let Roy crash on the couch, maybe talk to him in the morning and beg him to get help. Things were different now. Johnny changed everything._

_Dick couldn’t even look at Jason, and he didn’t want to. Johnny was still crying, and Dick needed to calm him down before he woke Dick up again right before seven in the morning._

_“Dick.” Jason placed a hand around Dick’s wrist, but was shoved away._

_“Don’t touch me, right now.”_

_“Come on.”_

_“I can’t believe you.”_

_There was so much wrong with everything that occurred, starting with Jason ditching patrol to meet Roy. Dick couldn’t fathom what he and Jason needed to meet about, but Dick didn’t know the dynamic of their relationship, because Jason rarely spoke about the months he spent with Roy and Kori. Jason should’ve called and told Dick where he was going to be, and Jason should not have come home in his current state._

_Jason tried to follow Dick down the hall to Johnny’s room. “Dickie-bird…”_

_“Jason, go to bed. Sleep it off on the couch.”_

_Jason made a noise of protest, but stumbled back the way he came and collapsed on the couch. Once he was settled, Dick entered Johnny’s room and picked him up from his crib. “Shh,” Dick tried to calm as he rubbed Johnny’s delicate back. “It’s okay, Baby.”_

_Thankfully, it only took Dick five minutes to calm Johnny down and get him back to sleep. He gently placed his son back in the crib and went back into the living room to check on his disgraceful husband._

_Jason was on his stomach sound asleep, without a care in the world. His mouth was slightly open with a line of drool pooling out of his mouth and onto the couch cushion. What was sad about this was that this was probably going to be the deepest, longest sleep he would have in a long time._

_Dick wanted nothing more than to disappear inside his bedroom, but Jason came home very drunk, and despite how angry Dick was with him, he wanted to make sure Jason was okay._

_He sat in angry silence on the ground, back resting against the couch, until the sound of Johnny’s cries signaled the beginning of a new day._

Jason’s biggest fear about having Johnny only two and a half days out of the week was missing those big milestones, like a baby’s first words or first steps. Fortunately, Dick and he were still together — though the relationship was very rocky, being perfect one day and not the next — and Jason was present when Johnny called Dick Dada, and when Johnny took his first wobbly steps toward Jason.

It wasn’t until Saturday night, when he was laying in bed, when Jason realized that Johnny’s first day of preschool was on Monday. Mondays were Dick’s days. This was one of those milestones Jason was afraid of missing. This was different than dropping him off at daycare. Jason’s hours allowed him to pick Johnny up from daycare earlier than most parents would, and there were days during the week when Alfred wanted to watch Johnny.

Johnny was going to be at _school._ He was going to be picked up at the end of the day babbling about everything he was learning. Johnny was going to learn how to count, how to write, how to say the alphabet, how to spell his name. It felt like a lifetime ago that he brought Johnny home, a time when he and Dick were in a better place. His baby was going to school. His baby was growing up.

It was with all the dignity that Jason could muster that Jason broached the subject when he dropped Johnny off at the manor that Sunday. He swallowed his ego and asked Dick straight-forwardly if he could drive to the manor early Monday morning to see Johnny off to pre-school with him. He was prepared for Dick to say, no, he couldn’t let Jason tag along, that it wasn’t his day, but he was also prepared for the possibility of Dick saying, yes, that wouldn’t be a problem.

What he wasn’t expecting was for Dick to smile at him, all teeth, and full-heartedly agree. He seemed excited that Jason wanted to be a part of Johnny’s first day of school. Dick told him to show up at the manor at seven.

Jason got up at five-thirty to get ready for work and arrive at the manor on time. Dick was out front with Johnny, who was dressed in cargo shorts and a Flash shirt. As soon as Jason got out of his car, Johnny had barreled into him.

“Daddy, I’m going to school!”

“I know, Champ.” Jason carried Johnny off the ground and threw him over his shoulder. “First day of school!” he cheered.

“Daddy!” Johnny squealed.

“Jay, don’t rile him up,” Dick said, but not sternly. Jason took a moment to smile at Dick, who hadn’t called him that in a long time, before returning Johnny to the ground. Dick smoothed out the wrinkles in Johnny’s shirt, then looked up at Jason with one of his now rare genuine smiles. “Hey, there.”

“Good morning, Dickie-bird.” God, when was the last time he got to ask Dick that? “Is his bag packed?”

Dick held up the yellow backpack. “Good to go.”

“Ready?” Jason asked Johnny, who nodded vigorously. “Let’s get you buckled.”

The drive to the preschool was quiet, but not one of the heavy silences that fell between Dick and Jason when they couldn’t find the words to express the hurt that had replaced the love, because all the words had been used. This silence was freeing, one that wasn’t encompassed in pain, but rather a temporary peace.

Jason had been on time every day that he needed to pick up and drop off Johnny. Since the end of May, the fights between Dick and him had dwindled to brief arguments, and Jason assumed that Tim had been reporting his general health back to Dick weekly. Jason could have his life back, if he could just swallow his ego and ask Dick to take him back, but anything beyond, “Let me see my son,” was too much for Jason.

And he already knew why Dick wouldn’t consider taking him back.

Jason didn’t need help. He didn’t need to talk to anybody. His problems were his own, and nobody else’s business. He didn’t need to dump his shit on other people. There was always going to be someone that has it worse than you.

“How was he this morning?” Jason finally asked at one of the red lights.

“Excited,” Dick responded with a smile. “I’m just afraid that he’ll change his mind as soon as we walk away.”

“He’s got Flash in his backpack, so I don’t think that will be much of a problem.”

Dick sighed. “I hope you’re right.”           

“Dada, is that school?”

Dick looked out his window at the approaching building where parents were escorting children inside. “Yes, Baby. That’s where you’re going.”

When Jason pulled into the parking lot, his jaw dropped. “Holy shit.”

“Language!”

“Look at these cars! I feel like I can’t park next to any of them! There are three Lamborghinis in a row! Who puts a kid in a Lamborghini?”

“Well, that’s what happens when Bruce Wayne pays for preschool. You’re going to get the best. Jay, there’s a Prius in the corner.”

Jason drove to the back of the parking lot and pulled into his spot. After putting the car into park he turned around in his seat and asked Johnny, “Ready?”

“Yeah.” He tugged his backpack to his chest, where his Flash doll was hidden. “Get me out, Daddy.”

Dick raised his eyebrows. “Say, please, Daddy.”

“Please, Daddy.”

“You better use your manners today, young man.”

“Yes, Dada.”

Jason got out of the car and unbuckled Johnny from his seat. He set his son on the ground and held onto his hand as they waited for Dick to get out of his seat. Dick walked around to the other side of the car and took Johnny’s other hand.

A few weeks ago, Jaosn never thought that he and Dick would be able to walk their son to his first day of preschool like this, together as a family.

But they weren’t a family, and Jason was reminded of this when they stepped inside and everyone stopped what they were doing to stare and whisper.

“Bruce Wayne’s sons — ”

“I didn’t know they were speaking — ”

“Are they back together —?”

“What are you talking about? They were never separated—”

“Incestuous — ”

“What’s going on with them —?”

What was almost worse than the hurtful words were the people who tried to kiss up to them to get in Bruce’s favor or dig up any Wayne gossip. Jason couldn’t handle that today, not the day that he was dropping his kid off at school. People in Blüdhaven knew of Bruce Wayne, not so much of Jason Todd. It was easier to keep Johnny shielded from the press when he was out of Gotham.

Dick must have noticed how tense Jason was around all these people looking at them, because he drew him and Johnny into an empty corner that was not occupied. Unfortunately, rules forbade any parent from going past a certain point of the building until pick-up, so they couldn’t find a private space away from he other parents.

Jason shielded Johnny from the other parents, while Dick knelt on one knee so he could be eye-level with their son. “Alright, Baby. Daddy and I need you to be on your best behavior today. Listen to your teacher, and share with the other kids. Okay?”

Johnny nodded, now looking a little scared at all the people that were gawking at him. Jason most likely wasn’t helping matters by glaring at everyone. “Dada…”

“Shhh, it’s okay, Baby Wing.” Dick cupped Johnny’s face. “You’re going to have so much fun.”

“Daddy goes with me.”

Jason frowned. “We talked about this, Johnny. Dada and I can’t go in with you.”

“No,” Johnny began to whimper. “No, Daddy.”

“Jason…”

Leave it to Daddy to save the day. Jason unzipped Johnny’s backpack and pulled out Flash. “Here,” he handed the doll to Johnny. “Whenever you miss me or Dada, just hug Flash, and we’ll be thinking of you.” Johnny nodded, and Jason sighed in relief that he managed to hold the tears at bay. “Good. They’re starting to let kids inside, so Dada and I are going to sign you in.”

Jason planned to make their goodbye quick. If Johnny saw Dick crying, then he would begin to freak out again. He limited Dick to one kiss before letting Johnny stroll into the classroom to play with the other children. Jason quickly whisked Dick away so Johnny wouldn’t see him lingering; he was also about to lose his shit at all those parents staring at them.

One minute, Dick was fine. They made it out of the preschool in one piece, but as soon as they got into Jason’s car, Dick put a hand over his face, and his body started shaking with silent sobs.

There was a long time ago when Jason would’ve known what to do in this type of situation. Comforting Dick used to come naturally to him. He used to like it when Jason would touch him, whether it be in the form of an arm around his shoulder, or a hand in his, anything that was Jason physically reaching out to him. Now, Jason wasn’t sure if he was even allowed to touch Dick.

“Sorry,” Dick whispered. He took his hand away from his tear stained face. “He’s just getting so big. And we’re…”

“I know.” Jason made a snap decision and placed an awkward hand on Dick’s knee. He relaxed a little when Dick didn’t seem to respond to his touch. “He’s going to come home and be such a cute little know-it-all,” he joked. “Half of what comes out of that kid’s mouth is ‘no’ and ‘mine.’”

Dick laughed and wiped away the tears stuck to his cheeks. “He takes after you in that respect. God, Jay. I swear, the older he gets, the more of you I see in him.”

Jason shook his head. “No. He’s all you, Dickie-bird.”

The sat in silence for a minute, processing what they each said. Johnny was everything they wanted, a manifestation of their love. Jason didn’t want to acknowledge it, but maybe that’s why he and Dick couldn’t work anymore. All the love they had to give each other, they invested in their son. Jason loved their son, would die for their son. But he and Dick dove headfirst into parenthood, afraid of losing that opportunity to the dark abyss that was Gotham, the city responsible for the deaths of Dick’s parents, of Jason, of so many others.

“I know you’ve got to get to work,” Jason began, “but maybe we can stop at a quick drive-through…Get you some breakfast.” Dick’s nose wrinkled, and Jason chuckled nervously. “Either that or a bowl of cereal. Actually, you sometimes don’t even eat breakfast.”

“Hmm,” Dick pretended to consider.

“I’ll pay.”

“Done.”

It could be like this every day, if Jason wasn’t Red Hood, if Dick wasn’t Nightwing. Yet they wouldn’t have met, gotten married, had Johnny if they weren’t Red Hood and Nightwing. Jason had to prove to Dick that Bruce, Red Hood, Gotham, the Joker, none of it would continue to keep them apart.

_You’re your own worst enemy._

Heavy words from Tim Drake. True words. But Dick needed to understand that unfortunate circumstances molded him into the bitter and angry person he was today. Man people have pointed out that Jason had the resources to make the pain more tolerable.

But it would never go away.

 

 

 

 

_Jason was beyond furious. And Jason only got to that point when he was scared out of his mind. What got Jason to that point was when those he loved were placed in danger. Specifically when it’s his innocent and defenseless son, and the very person threatening him was the one who took Jason’s life._

_The last place he wants to be is the Batcave at a time like this. Months had passed since he’d seen the inside of the cave, because he had enjoyed working in Blüedhaven, outside of Bruce’s reach. The cave seemed much darker and more depressing than he remembered, the monitor a looming image bringing to mind past cases that he and Bruce spent hours looking over, skipping meals and sleep to solve._

_This was Bruce’s territory._

_Jason would have preferred to be at one of his safe houses, but Dick had put his foot down, said that Johnny would be safer at the manor, and no amount of yelling could change Dick’s mind. Jason also didn’t have much of a choice when Dick had carried Johnny out to the car amidst Jason’s protests. It was manipulative, and Jason was still resentful of Dick just taking their son without Jason’s consent._

_His poor baby had no idea what was happening, didn’t understand why he had to stay upstairs with Alfred, while his dads had to suit up and leave with his papa. It sucked, going to the cave, while his eleven month old son babbled, “Dada, Dada,” at Dick’s retreating figure._

_Jason would’ve gone out alone and blew every person’s head off that got in his way, but Dick and Bruce knew that now more than ever he would need a babysitter._

_“Guns.” Bruce held out his hand expectantly._

_“Like hell!”_

_“He definitely doesn’t have rubber bullets.”_

_Jason’s stance went rigid, his gaze shamefully kept away from Dick’s disappointed glare. If Dick knew that he had been using real bullets, then he definitely knew that Jason was still storing guns in the apartment. That would explain some of the arbitrary mood swings._

_Without an argument, Jason unloaded his gun and took the box of rubber bullets Bruce handed him and silently reloaded his gun. He feared that looking at Bruce would make his anger bubble to the surface, but avoiding him was damn near impossible when they were supposed to be out on the streets together in five minutes._

_“I’m going to make sure Alfred knows where to find Johnny’s diapers,” Jason said, which wasn’t exactly true. Maybe he needed to check just one more time that his baby was safe._

_“Jay, your helmet,” Dick reminded him._

_Jason yanked the helmet off his head and slammed it on the table. It wasn’t his helmet that got them into this mess._

_“This is your fault.”_

_“Excuse me?” The confused look on Dick’s face just made Jason angrier, made him more eager to place the blame on him._

_Jason waved a hand at Dick’s domino mask. “Take that fucking thing off when I’m talking to you.” He hated not seeing Dick’s eyes during heated conversations like this, wanted to know what Dick was thinking. If Jason couldn’t hide behind his hood, then the same rules should apply to Dick._

_“Jason — ”_

_“Stay out of this Bruce,” Jason growled. Dick complied and took his mask off, but his face was stone, on the defense. “It’s been over a year since I’ve been to Gotham as Red Hood, so it sure as hell wasn’t me that got the Joker’s attention.”_

_“You’re saying that the Joker has connected Johnny back to Nightwing?”_

_“What do you think?” Jason snapped._

_Guilty realization descended upon Dick’s demeanor, and Jason should have been comforting him, telling him that everything would be okay, but Dick’s Nightwing persona put the life they had built in Blüdhaven at risk, and Jason was having a difficult time finding the compassion to forgive Dick._

_“We need to end the Joker before he…” Jason couldn’t even finish his sentence. “Fuck, Dick!”_

_“You don’t think that I feel horrible about this?” The pitch of Dick’s voice mirrored Jason’s and bordered on hysterical, straining against the lump in his throat. “Jason, please — ”_

_“I knew we should’ve kept him from all of this — ”_

_“Jason, don’t even say that!” Dick sounded like Jason was breaking his heart, but he kept pushing._

_For Johnny._

_“We have to keep Johnny out of Gotham until this blows over. We don’t know what the Joker knows, if him approaching Johnny at the park was a coincidence or not, or what his intentions are.”_

_“I know,” Dick said with a shaky voice. “I get it, I do. Johnny was in the sandbox alone, and Damian and I looked away for just a second…and he was just there. I can’t…”_

_Bruce cleared his throat, reminding the both of him that they were still sharing the cave’s space with him. “We need to leave. Now.”_

_“I don’t want to be here,” Jason muttered, no longer interest in having this discussion in front of Batman. He finally looked at Bruce. “If it wasn’t for you…you and your fucking…” Bruce and his control over Dick. “This is your mess. Both of your mess, so you guys clean it up. I’m taking my son back to my safe house.” He turned to leave with determination in his step._

_“Jason — ”_

_“You fucked up, Dick!” Jason called over his shoulder as he ascended the stairs. He didn’t look back._

_Once outside of the cave, Jason finally felt that he could breathe again. It wasn’t so stuffy in the foyer, more open. He found his son in the kitchen with Alfred, seated in a highchair and grabbing at the cooked, softened vegetables on his tray. Damian sat next to him, intensely observing the baby unskillfully grasping at his food._

_This was all Jason wanted for his son, for him to be able to visit the manor whenever he and Dick wanted to drive to Gotham, so that he could see his family. Tim and Damian adored their nephew, Alfred enjoyed having the company in the kitchen, and Bruce was better with a baby than Jason expected. That baby loved Bruce, snuggled into the firm chest and large arms that held him._

_“Where are you going, Todd?”_

_Jason took Johnny out of his high chair, met with instant protests at being pulled away from his half-eaten dinner. “I’m taking him to a safe house in Blüdhaven.”_

_“But the Joker — ”_

_“Does not leave Gotham.”_

_“This could all be nothing.”_

_Jason sighed and tried to still his fussing son. “I doubt it. Don’t wait up.”_

_“Todd, you are still wearing your uniform.”_

_Jason muttered a curse before plopping a very squirmy Johnny on Damian’s lap. He tore off his jacket and threw his shirt over his head. He unstrapped his holster, dropping them to the floor. That nearly sent Alfred into an aneurism._

_“Master Jason…”_

_“Sorry, Alfred.” He gathered his clothes in a ball, carrying them in one hand and tried taking Johnny into the other._

_“–tt–Please. I have buckled your child in his car seat numerous times.” Damian settled Johnny on his hip. “I can grab you another shirt — ”_

_“No,” Jason replied, already making his way to the front door. “I just want to get out of here.”_

_“Todd,” Damian snapped. “Father and Grayson — ”_

_“Damian, either shut up and put my son in the car, or give him to me and join them in the cave.”_

_For once, Damian shut his mouth, let Jason vent without being met with snide comments. There must have been something crazy in Jason’s eyes, something that warned Damian that he didn’t have the patience for comments or questions, no patience to be challenged. Dick and Bruce weren’t there to undermine his orders._

_“Da-dy. Da-dy.”_

_Jason sighed, brushed some of Johnny’s dark hair back so he could place a soft kiss to his forehead. “I’m going to keep you safe.” The smell of Johnny’s fresh skin calmed him enough for him to take a moment while Damian put him in the car to pull out his phone and send Dick a quick text message._

Be safe.

_He received a reply nearly fifteen seconds later._

Always for you.

_Jason slipped his phone back in his pocket, some of his earlier anger ebbing away. For now, his issues with Dick were tabled, but his main focus was on getting Johnny to the safety of Blüdhaven._

_“Keep in touch, or I will find you myself,” Damian warned, eyes fixed on Johnny, who was slowly starting to fall asleep in his car seat._

_“Will do.”_

_“I am serious.” Damian’s sharp, intense eyes turned on Jason. “Tomorrow, Todd.”_

_Jason nodded and placed a hand on Damian’s shoulder briefly before withdrawing. “Watch your back.”_

_Dick’s heroing with Bruce in Gotham had finally cost them the safety of their family, and just like he and Dick had discussed before Johnny was born, Jason was putting Johnny before his and Dick’s relationship._

_One day, Dick would understand. Who knew? Maybe at some point their positions would be switched._

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I basically sold my soul to the devil this month, which is why I've been M.I.A with all of my updates. Don't expect much over the next week or two. I've been super busy, and I actually forgot to do something while in the process of updating this, so I just about want to kick myself for being so forgetful since I reminded myself about ten times today to do it.
> 
> Again, apologies for the absence. Thank you to all of you who are involved in this story. It's pretty great that this story has a receptive audience, since I spend a long time working on it. 
> 
> I know it may seem like things got resolved at the end of this chapter, but the flashback was sort of supposed to be a foreshadowing of trouble to come. Also this is only chapter 3 of 5, so the drama can't end here ;)
> 
> [My Tumblr](http://burningice2.tumblr.com/)

Dick was relieved that Barbara had asked him to meet for coffee. If he was not buried in casework, his weekends were spent moping around the manor and missing the sound of childish laughter and running in the halls. His residency at the manor encouraged Tim to stop by more often, and even with everyone sitting at the dinner table, the manor always felt empty without Jason and Johnny. 

Barbara asked to meet downtown in a coffee shop next to Dick’s favorite bakery. Afterwards, he would stop by and pick up a pie — _never as a replacement for Alfred’s impeccable apple pie._ Dick just figured that maybe Jason could take it home with him, enjoy something while he sat alone in their previously shared Blüdhaven apartment.

It was stupid. Dick didn’t have any business taking care of Jason like that, but he couldn’t help himself. The guilt was starting to ebb away at his core. Whenever Johnny was at Jason’s, Dick still had family to fallback on. Who was supporting Jason in Blüdhaven when Johnny was in Gotham? Dick knew Jason well enough to know that the answer was most likely nobody.

Dick was not one for punctuality, so when he arrived at Munn’s Café Barbara was already at a table with her coffee. Dick ordered, grabbed his coffee, and took a seat across from his ex.

“This is a surprise.”

“Is it?” she questioned. “I haven’t seen you in months.”

Barbara had been in Star City working with Black Canary all summer and only seen Dick once since he left Jason, but their meeting had been brief, and the family had been present. If Dick’s calculations were correct, the lat time he and Barbara were alone like this was over a year ago.

“It’s been a busy year.” Barbara doesn’t need to ask for clarification to know what Dick meant by that statement. “I don’t know if your intentions for asking me here have anything to do with…that. But if so, you should know that I’m fine. Everything is okay.”

It was partially a lie. Dick was still lonely. He still cried himself to sleep some nights. Co-parenting was still an issue, a skill he was still trying to master. Dick was still in love with Jason. But he was in a routine, and that was healthy for Johnny. The support of his family was keeping him afloat, and there were good days when Dick wasn’t thinking about Jason or the question of divorce. The fights between him and Jason had lessened significantly, the last one being nearly three months ago.

“We decided to send Johnny to the Kent’s farm for Halloween. Conner and Tim agreed to take him trick-or-treating.”

“Gotham is dangerous during that time,” Barbara agreed. “That’s probably for the best…Does that mean…?”

“Jason will be in Gotham with us.”

Bruce mentioned having extra help around for Halloween and had already made calls to Barbara, Steph, and Kate, and Dick figured that he would call Jason. He didn’t tell Bruce that he planned on doing this, because he didn’t want Bruce to be disappointed if Jason turned down Dick’s offer.

The last time Jason patrolled with the family was last January when Scarecrow had infected Gotham’s water system. Those were long nights that usually ended with Jason and Bruce going at each other, so Dick was surprised when Jason agreed to help on Halloween.

“Wow. How long has it been since I was in his helmet?”

Dick chuckled. “Too long.”

“So you guys are working things out?”

Dick played with the straw in his iced coffee, not really sure how to answer her question. “It’s — we get along…” She stared at him, not particularly probing for an answer, but definitely anxious to hear any string of news. “Things are better, but moving back to Blüdhaven is out of the question.”

“I’m guilty of not communicating with Jason as much as I should be,” Barbara admitted. “Do you have any idea how he is?”

“Like I said, things are better.” Dick didn’t want to go into too many details about Jason’s situation. “I miss Blüdhaven and our apartment. I thought that’s where Johnny would go to school and where we’d build our future.”

Barbara nodded. “I can’t pretend to know what you’re going through, Dick, but I’m sorry that it’s happening to you guys.” She eyed him suspiciously. “I know you, well, Grayson, and I can tell that there’s something that you’re dying to get off your chest.”

Although Dick and Jason were back to being on friendly terms, Jason refused to get help for his issues. Jason may be in a better place now, but that didn’t guarantee that there wouldn’t be more setbacks that would put Johnny at risk. But Dick couldn’t ignore Jason’s efforts, which was why he had been mulling over a decision for awhile.

“I’ve been thinking about giving Jason joint-custody.”

Barbara’s eyes widened. “Oh.”

“Yeah.” Dick took a large gulp of his coffee.

“What’s stopping you?”

“The reason I left in the first place,” Dick admitted. “I’m afraid it won’t be enough. I’ll give an inch, and Jason will take a mile. Maybe having Johnny alone for longer than a weekend will be too much for him, and he’ll relapse into old behavior — ”

“Dick, calm down.” Barbara reached across the table and grabbed his shaking hand. “Listen, maybe you can get the court to make him agree to counseling in exchange for joint-custody.”

Dick shook his head. “He has to want to help himself. It can’t be for me, not even for Johnny. Jason has to want it for himself.”

Barbara nodded in understanding and then held up their joined hands. “What would Jason say if he saw us like this?” she joked.

Dick chuckled. “Lose his mind.” Barbara spared him a sympathetic look. “Not really,” he assured her, “but we used to bother him quite a bit. More than Kori, but that’s probably because he got to know her pretty well.”

Barbara snorted. “Well, yeah, he slept with her.”

“Wait, _what_?”

“Dick, how did you not know? Everyone knows.”

Dick needed to remind himself that Jason was a different person when he formed the outlaws, and that even though he most likely slept with Kori because of his twisted idea of retribution, Jason and Kori were _just friends_ , and Jason would never do anything like that to Dick now…despite Dick taking his son away from him.

“I have to admit that when I first heard about it, I thought that you deserved it,” Barbara admitted. She looked down at her coffee in shame. “I know that I ended us, but you immediately ran back to Kori afterwards, and even though you guys didn’t resume your relationship, it still hurt. I still loved you.” This bit of information wasn’t surprising to dick. “We were rocky for awhile after that, and then all of a sudden you and Jason were getting married and having a kid, and it came out of nowhere…I looked at you guys and thought that could have been us. And now…I can’t imagine you and Jason apart. You guys…you are deeply, madly in love with each other. It’s not my business, Dick, but I truly believe that you should do anything and everything to salvage your relationship, no matter how long it takes.”

It was the first honest talk that he and Barbara ever had about their relationship, and not only did it last merely thirty seconds, but they both gained closure at the end of it. And to have someone — an ex at that — believe so wholeheartedly that the love between him and Jason wasn’t fabricated out of a desperate attempt to create something beyond the cowl, gave Dick hope that Jason could be saved.

“Babs…”

She squeezed his hand tighter. “You don’t need to say anything. Just think about what I said. You have time to make a decision on the custody arrangements…Now, then, I don’t have any recent pictures of your wild child, so you better pay up, Grayson.”

Dick was more than happy to flip through the hundreds of photos on his phone and show his son off, and push the potential custody change to the back of his mind to be revisited later.

 

 

 

 

_The weather in Blüdhaven was favorable, and Dick decided that he wanted to go on a picnic that Saturday. It took some coaxing to get Jason to agree to step into the light, but Dick reminded Jason that he owed him a family day after a job had gone south the week before, leaving Jason MIA for the entire weekend. He had been in a foul mood the entire week, and Dick hoped that it was enough time for Jason to cool down._

_The day was off to a good start; Jason unpacked the picnic supplies, while Dick unbuckled Johnny, and together they carried their cargo to a spot on the grass that was in the middle of where the sun was hitting. Jason laid out the picnic blanket and unpacked their picnic basket, which contained sandwiches and some applesauce for Johnny. The night before, Jason made cupcakes and had packed one for each of them to enjoy after their lunches._

_In between bites of food, each of them took turns holding Johnny in a standing position while the other fed spoonfuls of applesauce into the toddler’s clumsy mouth. Johnny would shuffle his feet around, applesauce dribbling down his chin, and later receive encouragement from Jason who sat on one side of the blanket while Dick was positioned on the other, hands closed around Johnny’s raised arms as he tried to help him move one inexperienced leg in front of the other. After fifteen minutes of practiced walking, Dick decided that it was time for a dessert break._

_It happened when Jason got up to use the public restrooms. Dick continued to feed Johnny bits of his dessert, breaking pieces of the cupcake off in tiny portions so he wouldn’t choke. When Johnny was finished eating, Dick lay on his side and started playing with the shoelaces of Johnny’s new shoes. Although he had grown significantly since the first day they brought him home, Johnny still had the tiniest little feet. His baby could now sit up on his own, and he was getting so big._

_Dick was in the middle of planting unwanted kisses on his son’s chubby cheek when a sudden shadow blocked the sun from touching them. He looked up to see a man towering above them, blonde, tan, muscular, and ugly only to those who didn’t have a pair of eyes in their head._

_“I’m sorry,” the man spoke, “but my dog seems to have run off. Has a black Labrador run by?”_

_Still resting on his side, Dick twisted his neck around to do a quick scan of the surrounding area. “No. Sorry.”_

_The man beamed at him. “That’s okay. I just needed an excuse to come over and talk to you.” He held out his hand. “I’m Neil.”_

_Dick shook it to be polite. “It’s nice to meet you Neil, but unfortunately I’ve been taken.” He held up his left hand to display the wedding band._

_“That is unfortunate.” Neil was still smiling, although it had dropped some. “Well, you never know unless you try. That’s a cute kid you got there.”_

_“Yeah,” Dick agreed proudly, brushing away some of Johnny’s hair. “My pride and joy.”_

_“Adorable. What’s the little guy’s name?”_

_Dick opened his mouth, ready to respond, when a hand violently clamped down on Neil’s shoulder from behind him. Jason returned from the bathroom wearing a livid expression. The day went downhill from there._

_“Okay, Baywatch, you’re done.”_

_Neil stepped back, surprised at Jason’s brash behavior. “Hey, man, sorry.”_

_“Not yet, but you will be.”_

_“Jason!”_

_Neil took the smart course of action and retreated, not even bothering to say goodbye. Jason looked like somebody dropped his helmet over a cliff, and Dick couldn’t fathom why Jason’s bad mood from the week prior had returned._

_Without any remorse in his mannerisms, Jason took his seat on the picnic blanket beside Johnny and pulled him onto is lap; he kissed the top of his head as if he hadn’t been on the verge of starting a fight in the middle of the park._

_“What the hell?”_

_Jason looked up at Dick. “What?”_

_“That was rude!” Dick spluttered. “What was that boorish display?”_

_“Da-dy,” Johnny cooed at Jason, who pressed another kiss to Johnny’s small head._

_“The guy was clearly hitting on you,” Jason explained, “even though you’re wearing a wedding ring.”_

_“He stopped after I showed it to him.”_

_“Dick. Please.”_

_It was embarrassing how jealous Jason could get. Before they were married, it was kind of hot. Dick would sometimes tease Jason, turn that jealousy into possession for a night of steamy, possessive sex. But they had been married for over two years and had a child. If that wasn’t enough to calm Jason’s insecurities, then Dick didn’t know what more he could do. He was already thinking about having a second child right after Johnny was born, but they were not in nearly as good a place as they were over a year ago, so another child would have to wait._

_What was worse, Jason didn’t see anything wrong with his uncontrollable bouts of jealousy. He thought his actions were completely justified, and didn’t see how ridiculous they were from Dick’s perspective. Dick never cheated on Jason, never thought about cheating on Jason, and never would cheat on Jason. Hell, he never gave Jason a reason to believe that he would. Apparently, that wasn’t enough reassurance for Jason._

_There was this one day, before Johnny was born, when he and Jason were at a mall in Blüdhaven, and a man had grabbed Dick’s ass just as he and Jason got in line at the food court. Dick had to apologize to the security guards for being brought into the dispute, and the guy had to go to the hospital after being knocked out by one punch._

_Dick plucked Johnny from Jason’s lap and held him to his chest as he lied back on the picnic blanket. Johnny tried to escape his hold, but Dick kept his arms locked around the squirming toddler. “You’re unnecessarily paranoid.”_

_“And you’re aggravatingly naïve.” Jason took Johnny back from Dick and stood up with the child in his arms. “We’re taking a walk around the pond.”_

_“Whatever, Jason.”_

_Dick scathingly watched Jason carry their son off to the pond where he could show him the ducks, and knew that he shouldn’t let his anger get the best of him so that he could experience this moment with his son._

_But Jason had pissed him off, and the day was ruined._

_Jason didn’t even care._

“Hi, Papa!” Johnny stuck a little hand out the car window and waved at Bruce, who was waiting for them on the porch.

Jason let his son out of the car, and he ran up the steps toward Bruce and threw himself into his Papa’s arms. Bruce held Johnny to him, mumbled something in his ear, while he looked at Jason over the boy’s shoulder. _How are you,_ he seemed to be asking with his apprehensive eyes.

In all honesty, Jason was confused. Dick called last night and asked Jason to stay at the manor for a bit after dropping Johnny off so they could talk. Usually, Dick wanted to talk when it regarded their son, and Jason started to worry. Had Dick noticed something wrong with Johnny that Jason had missed? It was possible, especially since Dick still had Johnny during the week. Jason’s mind starting reeling with worst case scenarios; becoming a dad brought out a paranoia in him that he didn’t realize was waiting to be released.

“Is Dick home?” Jason asked, not caring to make small talk with Bruce.

“In the kitchen.”

Jason was glad he didn’t have to go to the cave to meet Dick; he’d rather avoid that part of the manner, if he could help it. The last moments he spent in the cave weren’t happy memories.

“Hey.” Jason ruffled Johnny’s hair. “I’m going to talk with Dada. How about you have Papa take you out for ice cream?”

Johnny started jumping in place, tugging on Bruce’s pant leg. “Can we, Papa? Can we, can we, can we?”

Bruce frowned at Jason in disapproval of his tactic of getting Dick alone, but Jason brushed past them and stepped into the manor, making a beeline for the kitchen.

When Jason entered the kitchen, Dick’s back was to him, and he looked to be stirring something that was cooking on the stove. Jason took a whiff — mac-and-cheese — and took a moment to observe Dick in a state of content that Jason hadn’t witnessed in a very long time. It must always be like this when Jason wasn’t around, and he got a pit in his stomach at the thought of causing Dick so much stress.

Jason wrapped his knuckles against the entryway. Dick turned around, his posture and small grin unchanging. “Hey,” he greeted, still stirring. “I’m just getting Johnny’s dinner ready.”

When they lived together, Jason was the cook. Dick had an affinity for ruining a meal; he could burn water. Nightwing jumped across the rooftops of Gotham, but Dick Grayson microwaved frozen dinners. Jason wondered how many dinners Dick had to cook now that Jason wasn’t there to do it for him. For Jason, cooking was more difficult with a toddler wandering around the kitchen and wanting to get his hand on hot surfaces.

“Oops. I may have sent him out with Bruce on a quest for mint chocolate chip.”

Dick frowned. “Jason…”

Jason shoved his hands in his jacket’s pockets and tried to not get defensive. “You said you wanted to talk, so I got them out of the manor.” He shrugged. “What do you want from me?”

Dick’s face said it all — _so much._ Together, they were finding out that maybe Jason couldn’t give Dick what he wanted, and Jason knew that he was breaking his husband’s heart. There just came a point when they realized that maybe they were making up compatibilities to force a connection that was never there to begin with. Jason wasn’t so insecure to ignore the truth; he was lonely, and he saw that Dick was also lonely. What were two lonely people to do?

Jason was madly in love with Dick, and he was sure that Dick loved him back — that didn’t mean they were good for each other. He saw Dick acclimate to being a single parent. Over the past few months, their co-parenting skills tremendously improved. Although they were still going to face obstacles, Jason could see that in the long run this was going to be for the best. In June, all he wanted was to have his family back. Now, Jason just wanted what was going to make Dick happy. When Dick was happy, Jason was happy, and when they were both happy, Johnny was happy.

It hurt knowing that Dick was no longer happy with him, and that there was nothing else he could do to repair their relationship.

“You wanted to talk, so let’s talk.”

Dick placed the spoon on the counter next to the stove and nervously swiped his tongue over his top lip before saying, “I want to change our custody agreement — without lawyers.”

Jason clenched his hands into fists, still kept in his pockets as a wave of fear washed over him. “Dick…” He was never going to see his son, and he felt like he was dying —

“I’m ready for you — for joint-custody.”

Jason was afraid he heard wrong, because it was too good to be true.

“Really?” he blurted unintelligently.

“Yes.” Dick paused. “I would prefer that we wait until Christmas break. Get him on a new schedule when we aren’t at work and he isn’t at school — get him familiarized before having all that in the mix.” Dick eyed him with restrained worry. “What do you think?”

Dick had been calling the shots since March. He was the one who left, he was the one who took Jason to court, he was the one who made the parenting decisions, and he was the one who decided that they were ready for joint custody. It was laughable that Dick was asking what he thought. Jason’s opinions didn’t count for shit this past year.

“That…yeah…”

Dick nodded. “Good.” And he resumed cooking.

This should’ve been a happy moment, but the whole exchange went down like some sort of business transaction; it was kind of sickening. All Jason could do was stand in the kitchen and walk Dick resume his cooking, get back to the life he had made without Jason.

The sound of the front door opening and closing over his son’s screaming prevented Jason from having to respond to Dick. On instinct, Jason rushed out of the kitchen and toward the entrance, Dick hot on his tail.

A sheepish Bruce was holding a crying Johnny, who was bleeding from his mouth. Jason took Johnny from Bruce and cradled him into his chest. He gently lifted Johnny’s head by the chin to examine him; he had a cut on his lip. It was nothing too deep, but it looked painful.

“What happened, baby?” Jason asked, wiping away falling tears.

“I realized the tire needed to be changed, and while I was doing that he climbed onto the car hood and fell off.” Bruce looked embarrassed that Johnny had gotten hurt on his watch.

“You need to watch him or he’ll sneak around doing what he’s not supposed to be doing,” Dick said to suppress the guilt Bruce was feeling. He quickly pecked the side of Johnny’s head. “I’m going to get some napkins.”

“Dada and I always tell you to not climb on things,” Jason said in a calm but stern voice. “This is why we say that.”

By the time Dick returned with napkins, Johnny’s cries had regressed to sniffles. “There we go, Baby Wing,” Dick soothed, pressing the napkin to Johnny’s lip. “We’re all better.” Dick took Johnny and let the toddler press his face into the crook of his neck. “We can discuss the rest over the phone?” Dick asked Jason.

“Sure,” Jason said.

“I turned the stove off, so I’m going to put him in the bath before dinner. I’ll see you Friday.” Dick stroked Johnny’s back as he carried him up the stairs to the bathroom.

Jason planned on making a hasty exit, but Bruce physically prevented him from leaving with a large arm blocking the front door.

“I need to say something.”

“No, you don’t.” Jason tried, once again, to push past Bruce, but was again stopped with physical force.

“Jason — ”

“I don’t need a scolding from you.” Jason swatted Bruce’s hand off his shoulder and rushed outside, into the driveway, car keys in hand.

Just as Jason was getting into his piece-of-shit-car, Tim’s motorcycle drove up the driveway. Jason hadn’t seen much of Tim since he moved into Damian’s new penthouse. He was sure all they did was lounge around and fuck on every piece of new furniture.

It was interesting watching Brue transition from having Damian around to only seeing him occasionally throughout the week. Jason noticed that it was a little difficult for Bruce to adjust. Sometimes he’d ask Alfred why he forgot to set Damian’s place at the table, or would sometimes ask Damian to hand him a tool if he was working on the Batmbobile, only to realize that Damian was no longer there. Jason believed that Bruce definitely would be in a much worse state if Dick and Johnny weren’t staying with him.

Tim stopped the motorcycle next to Jason’s car and pulled off his helmet. The bags under his eyes were more prominent than they usually were, but there was a happiness in his expression that Jason didn’t see often.

“Where have you been for the past month?” Tim asked fondly.

“Around. It’s you that’s been absent. Baby Bat’s bed is that comfortable that you can’t come around the Manor more often?”

Tim blushed, but his smile remained in place. “His new penthouse is…accommodating.”

“Things are going good, then?”

“Things are perfect.” Tim’s smile dropped a little when he asked, “How are things with Dick?” Jason wasn’t surprised by Tim’s inquiring into his relationship with Dick.

“I’m getting joint custody.”

Tim’s eyes widened. “Jason, that’s wonderful.”

“It is…”

“ _Jason_.”

“What?”

Tim sighed. “You’re not going to do anything to screw this up.”

If there was something Jason was good at, it was screwing up, and losing any ounce of good that he had in his life. It was the beginning of November, and Christmas break barely two months away, plenty of time for Jason to make a mistake and lose any chance of having a civil relationship with Dick and seeing his son again.

Jason was tired of living his life cautiously, of tiptoeing around his family in fear of upsetting someone and losing privileges that used to be rights. He felt like a visitor in the manor and a prisoner in his home. In ways, he felt like he was a homeless kid on the streets of Gotham again.

“Dick and I will never be together again — ”

“Do _not_ say that — ”

“ — but that doesn’t mean that I can’t have a great relationship with my son. I’m going to do everything to make sure that he knows just because Dick and I didn’t work out, doesn’t mean that it’s his fault, that we don’t love him. I want him to see that Dick and I can be friendly. I want him to know that we’re doing our best.”

Tim hung his helmet on the motorcycle’s handlebar and looked like he wanted to pull Jason into a hug, but knew better. “Jason, that little boy thinks the world of you. You’re his father, his hero, his mentor…you’re his everything.” Jason was afraid of talking in fear of breaking down in Bruce’s driveway. “You’ve made bad choices, but you’ve _always_ put your son first, Jason. Don’t doubt that you’re a good father.”

Jason wrapped an arm around Tim and pulled him into a tight embrace. Maybe it was so that he could cry into his neck without Tim seeing, or maybe it was in gratitude to Tim for saying the words that he really needed to hear.

 

 

 

 

_Anger was a common emotion to feel around Bruce Wayne. The guy was arrogant and aggravating, and Jason felt like he did the things he did with the intention of getting on Jason’s nerves. Bruce’s favorite hobby was to point out whenever Jason made a mistake. After so many years of this, Jason was able to better suppress his outbursts._

_It was when Dick put his nose in their business that Jason couldn’t control himself._

_“Jason.”_

_Jason kept his back turned to Bruce as he wrapped a bandage around his foot, battered, bloody, and bent from being toppled by a tripwire. He was sure his foot was broken, and now was not the time for him to get into it with Bruce._

_Dick watched Jason with a calculated look, most likely trying to figure out how to defuse the situation before it got out of control. This was going to go two ways: either Dick would pull Jason out of the cave, or he would jump in with Bruce on beating Jason down._

_“You broke that man’s collarbone.”_

_Jason pulled the bandage tighter._

_“That was unnecessary violence.”_

_His words were an echoed memory from a past life, an argument had before between Bruce and a different person, someone Jason was at one point but left behind when he died. This was when he felt like the progress he and Bruce were making was for nothing, when old disagreements were repeated._

_“Jay.”_

_He finally looked up at Dick when he finished bandaging his foot. “I told him to let go of you.” The man merely laughed and pressed his knee harder in between Dick’s shoulder blades and grazed his cheek with the knife, drawing blood and causing Jason to see red. “I saw it fitting to throw the brick at his neck since he was so intent on cutting yours.”_

_“I don’t need protecting.”_

_“You do when you’re pinned down and you have a kid waiting for you at home.”_

_Dick’s face remained composed, unchanging. “You could’ve easily gotten me out of that situation without shattering that man’s collarbone.”_

_“No one’s taking you away from Johnny.” No one’s taking Dick away from Jason._

_“You let your emotions get the better of you,” Bruce chided, “and when you lose control in the field, you could end up injuring innocents.” Jason knew Bruce meant that he could’ve hit Dick with that brick if he lost too much control, and Bruce being right was what made Jason angry._

_“Well, it didn’t happen,” Jason snapped, “so let it go.” Bruce made Jason feel like the stupid kid that let the joker lure him to Ethiopia._

_“Bruce is right, Jay — ”_

_“Bullshit!” Jason shot out of his seat and let out a cry of pain when he put weight on his broken foot. “Shit,” he mumbled. Dick tried to support him, but Jason pushed him away. “No—just…a thank you for saving your life would be appreciated. Even a thank you for not killing the bastard holding a knife to your face, if that’s what suits you.”_

_“You’re being an asshole.”_

_“Fuck you, Dick.”_

_Jason found it ironic that he saved Dick’s life and that it made him an asshole. It was the people you loved that infuriated you the most, and Dick really knew how to push his buttons, even when he wasn’t doing it deliberately._

_“That was uncalled for,” Bruce growled._

_“Fuck you, too.”_

_“Jason come on,” Dick chided._

_Jason may have felt proud of himself for being difficult, dragging them down into a pit of misery with him. Bruce was good with that self-deprecating bullshit, so this should be nothing new for him._

_Without exchanging any more words, Jason limped toward the stairs so he could leave Dick and Bruce in the cave to gossip about him in front of a computer monitor looking over case files. Like he could give a shit. It wasn’t the first time Dick sided with Bruce against Jason in an argument, and this certainly wouldn’t be the last._

_Apparently, marriage didn’t dictate loyalty._

 

 

 

 

Dick held tightly onto Johnny’s hand and ignored his whines and protests. He warned him not to stand on the couch, and his son didn’t listen. Dick didn’t want his son to fall off the couch and hit his head, yet Johnny was acting like holding Dick’s hand was absolute torture.

Dick prepared for a day of work, only to walk into the police station to find Gordon standing in front of his desk and pointing back toward the door. According to him, Dick was due for a day off. Dick decided to be a naughty parent and lie his way out of picking Johnny up from daycare early so they could grab lunch together, and drop some food off for Bruce at his office.

After Johnny ate lunch, Dick liked to have him do something to use up the rest of his energy so that he was tired by the time it was time for his nap. Today, that something was climbing all over Bruce’s furniture. Jason would’ve done a better job at being stern with Johnny about his behavior, but Dick tended to be more lax whenever they were just around family; he knew this was why Johnny listened to Jason more than him.

“I’m sorry, Bruce,” Dick apologized, grip still tight around Johnny’s wrist. “I had today off, so I wanted to spend time with Johnny and — ”

“Dick, it’s fine. He’s boisterous. Just like Jason.”

Johnny was more like Jason in temperament; he was a ball of energy, full of passion, and free with his emotions. When he loved, he did it with all his heart, but when he was upset, he showed it by shedding every tear that his body contained. And that kid was stubborn as hell. If you told Johnny not to do something, he’d do it twice, just to prove that he could do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted.

Dick couldn’t hold back his laugh over the truth of Bruce’s words. “Jason swears that Johnny doesn’t act up like this when he’s with him.”

Bruce hummed in agreement. “We do coddle him when he’s at the manor. Tim doesn’t help by dropping off a gift every time he stops by. Johnny knows that Damian adores him, even though he doesn’t shower him with gifts.”

Dick didn’t have the heart to tell Bruce that the reason for that was Tim’s presents were bought by Damian, who brought the presents back to _their_ penthouse for Tim to wrap. He seriously didn’t understand how Bruce didn’t know about his son and Tim after all these months. They were getting less careful with keeping their relationship a secret. It was just last week that Dick walked in on Damian with his pants down in the pantry and Tim kneeling in front of him.

“He knows how to work that charm,” Dick said with a goofy smile as he gazed upon his son’s adorable pout. “Darn, it’s working.” Dick let Bruce laugh at him as he picked Johnny up and nuzzled into his soft hair. “Why do you always smell so good?” he asked. “I guess it’s because we haven’t been to the park today.”

“Are you taking him later?”

“No. Unfortunately, we need to get back to the manor. I thought maybe we could shop for groceries, but I don’t think we’ll make it home in time for his nap. ”

“Dick, you don’t need — ”

“Yes, I do, Bruce. I’m taking up space, and I need to pay my dues.”

Bruce snorted. “You’re hardly taking up space. And you’re welcome to stay as long as you want, whenever you want.”

An elephant wouldn’t take up space in the manor, but that wasn’t the point. Dick was mooching off Bruce, and he really should have found his own apartment by now. Living at the manor spoiled Dick with the extra to hands to help with Johnny, and moving into a new apartment made everything that was going on between him an Jason permanent.

Dick still wasn’t ready.

He planned on taking full advantage of Bruce’s unwavering familial hospitality until he was ready to leave the nest with his baby. Dick had already reached out to Jason and planned on letting him have joint-custody. Once that was done, Dick would have more time on his hands to search for an apartment.

Bruce had been great through all of this. Not once had he asked Dick about looking for apartments or made him feel rushed to move out. Although Bruce was reserved around children, Johnny adored his Papa and had Bruce wrapped around his finger. As strict as Bruce was with his Robins, he let Johnny get away with practically anything. He didn’t spoil Johnny with presents like Tim and Damian, but he took the toddler out for ice cream or to the zoo, and if Johnny asked for Bruce to put on a movie or bring him chocolate milk, he was at his grandson’s beck and call.

Dick could understand Jason’s frustration with dropping off his son at the end of the weekend after being on his schedule, only to pick Johnny up at the end of the week after being spoiled for days.

“We better head out if we’re going to get home in time for your nap,” Dick told Johnny, who wasn’t even listening, had taken it upon himself to start drawing on Dick’s shirt with a highlighter he must have snagged off Bruce’s desk. “Johnny, stop it,” Dick snapped. Johnny’s lip jutted out, something he did right before breaking down. “Flash is waiting in the car for you, so we have to go get him,” Dick improvised. “Do you want to get Flash?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll see you at home for dinner, Bruce.”

Dick carried Johnny to the elevator, which took them down to the ground floor. They walked through the lobby without being stopped by anybody, which Dick was thankful for — that kid had a one-track mind when it came to Flash. To calm him, Dick began asking Johnny questions about Flash, questions that he’s asked Johnny before, but questions that Johnny never grew tired of answering.

Shit hit the fan as soon as Dick stepped out of Wayne Enterprises. He and Johnny were bombarded by shouts and the flashes of cameras. Dick spent his fair share of times navigating his way through desperate paparazzi, but it was much more difficult doing so with a child in his arms that he was trying to shield from the cameras.

“Mr. Grayson — ”

“Dick — ”

“Where’s Jason —?”

“How’s Johnny —?”

“Is it true —?”

“When’s the divorce —?”

“Are you and Jason separated —?”

“Have you reconciled —?”

“Can we get a smile —?”

“Who are you wearing —?”

Dick had frantically removed his jacket and threw it over his sobbing son. The shouting and flashes were overwhelming him, and Dick’s uneasy manner was freaking him out. His baby was scared, and there wasn’t much that Dick could do except try and make his way to the parking garage without punching someone out.

People took for granted the privacy they had. One of the best gifts Dick received was to be able to bring Johnny home without the cameras following him out the doors of Cadmus. On such an exciting, yet nerve-wracking day, Dick was free of the chaos the paparazzi dragged with them, and he brought his home son in peace.

He and Jason did a fairly good job of keeping Johnny out of the press, but there were stories circulating all the time. The worst was when the tabloids wrote a story about Dick tricking Jason into thinking that they used their DNA to make Johnny, and a man came forward claiming that Dick actually used his DNA. What made the situation worse was that the man actually looked kind of like Jason, and it took almost a year for the story to completely disappear. Dick spent weeks crying alone in his room at random points during the evening, blamed himself for this story that was hurting his family.

Because divorce papers were not filed, Dick and Jason’s separation was only a speculation at this point. Dick being spotted in Gotham wasn’t an irregularity, because their family lived in Gotham, but it was happening often enough without Jason by his side that people were talking. Next to Bruce, Tim was the most talked about Wayne in the Media, followed by Damian, and then Dick. Dick’s marriage to Jason and Johnny’s birth boosted his popularity the last couple of years — one story claimed that was the intended outcome of the marriage: a higher profile in the press.

Needless to say, Dick did not have a good relationship with the press, could not easily brush off the stories like he used to, not when they involved Jason and Johnny. This was why Tim and Damian were a part of the family business, and Dick had almost nothing to do with it.

Dick didn’t know how he managed it — that parental instinct _really_ kicked in — but he made it to the parking garage in one piece, and the parking attendants had formed a blockade and pushing the paparazzi back so that Dick could get in his car and safely exit.

Dick thought that the anger would be gone as soon as he was on the road, but that wasn’t the case. He wasn’t sure, but he swore that there were paparazzi in the car behind him, determined to follow him back to Wayne Manor.

“Johnny…I…” Dick looked at his son through the rearview mirror and saw that Johnny was fast asleep.

Dick took out his cell phone, placed it on speaker, and dialed Tim’s number. For a second, he considered calling Jason, but thought better of it.

 _“Hey, Dick.”_ Tim was speaking quietly, and Dick heard a door close, as if Tim had left a meeting to take his call. _“Weren’t you just at the office?”_ he asked in a normal tone.

“Yeah. I left but…paparazzi…”

_“They were waiting for you.”_

“Tim…” Dick let his tears fall freely, but held back the sob dying to escape from his throat.

 _“Day by day, Dick,”_ Tim instructed. _“You’ve got to handle this one day at a time. It’ll get easier.”_

Dick inhaled and exhaled deeply, composing himself so he could form a sentence without losing his goddamn mind. “I’m trying so hard,” Dick said slowly, “to make this work, to make everyone happy. I feel like I’m being tested every day, Tim, and I don’t know how much longer I can…”

_“When you get home, don’t eat anything. I’ll meet you there in about an hour with food and booze.”_

“Tim. No — ”

 _“Dick. Yes._ _You don’t need to be alone right now. Bruce will understand.”_

Dick looked in his mirror again. Johnny was still asleep, Flash on his lap, head lolling to the side. He was overdue for his nap, leaving Dick and Tim plenty of time to talk before he woke up hungry.

“Yeah. Sure, come over with food. And booze.”

_“It’s all going to work out, Dick. I promise.”_

_Jason’s fist connected with the nose of the photographer in a swift punch. In a surprising twist, the photographer punched Jason back, catching him off-guard and tackling him to the ground._

_There wasn’t much Dick could do to help. As soon as the paparazzi found them at the playground, Dick took Johnny from the little boy he was playing with and carried him to the car. Johnny was almost two and running around every chance he got, so as soon as Dick took him off the ground, the toddler began to scream in protest, which caught everybody’s attention and further embarrassed Dick. He definitely didn’t anticipate the paparazzi following them all the way to their car, and when that one photographer got too close for comfort to get a picture of Johnny, Jason lashed out, took his camera and smashed it against the pavement before punching him in the face._

_All the while, Dick was trying to get Johnny buckled in his seatbelt and calm down his cries of “Daddy! Daddy!” Johnny had seen Jason punch the photographer in the face, and Dick wasn’t sure whom he was angrier with. They had discussed what to do in these situations, and this was not the way they agreed that they would react._

_“I’ll fucking sue!” the photographer was yelling on top of Jason. “I’ll sue your rich ass and have that brat of yours taken away — ”_

_Dick was appalled. After getting Johnny secured, he pulled the photographer off Jason and used all his strength to throw him away from the car so that they could make their escape. As soon as they were out of the parking lot and on the road, Dick turned on Jason, letting his anger rule his mind._

_“What the hell were you thinking? You punched that man in front of our child, Jason!” His voice was raised, and he was talking at Jason in a way he never would in front of Johnny, who was still crying._

_“I defended my family. Did you hear that prick? And his fucking threats?”_

_“Stop swearing in front of Johnny.”_

_“You started it!” Jason yelled, finger pointing at Dick. “Don’t start with me, Dick. I solved the problem, just like I solve all our problems.”_

_Dick swiveled his head toward Jason. “What —?”_

_“You want to wait around, play nice. That doesn’t get shit done.”_

_Their day didn’t exactly begin on a good start. The night before, they had another argument about something Dick couldn’t even remember; they were yelling just to yell at each other, and it had become the way that they communicated. If they weren’t yelling, they weren’t talking. Jason had slept on the couch that night — the third time that month. But they put on brave faces in the morning for Johnny, determined that he enjoy his day with his parents and get some exercise on his short legs._

_“Screw you!” Dick shouted. “I do everything for this family! I stay home with Johnny when you’re on jobs — ”_

_“And I don’t do the same?”_

_“I practically drag you to Gotham kicking and screaming for family events, I speak up for you to everyone that puts you down, I take Johnny out, I — ”_

_“Well, how about this, Dick?” Jason interrupted. “I wake up in the morning to start breakfast, I do all the chores, I clean up after you — ”_

_“Sorry, I’m not the housewife you thought you were getting when you married me.”_

_“Sorry, I’m the asshole you tried to convince yourself I wasn’t so you could go through with marrying me.”_

_Jason was an asshole, something Dick had learned to accept; he had demons no one else could understand. What Dick imagined was that things would get better as their relationship progressed, and things did get better. It wasn’t until Johnny was born when they stopped making progress, and by the time Johnny was one, it felt like their relationship had taken a nosedive. And, now…_

_Everything they had been in the past seemed like a dream, or memories from someone else’s mind that had been implanted in his._

_Mornings spent in bed together were nonexistent, the sex was not often, and whenever it happened there was barely any feeling put into it, and nights that Jason spent on the couch were increasing._

_“You don’t respect me, Jason.”_

_Johnny was still crying in his car seat, and Jason’s hands were so tight around the wheel that his knuckles were turning pink. “Well, you don’t respect me, do you, Dicky-bird?”_

_Dick had to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat before he responded, “Not when you’re like this.”_

_From the corner of his eye, Dick caught movement — Jason reaching toward him — and in a moment of panic, flinched back and smacked Jason’s hand away. Dick’s confused eyes met Jason’s hurt gaze, but his expression quickly regressed into the dark scowl it had been for the majority of the day._

_“So that’s how it is,” Jason muttered._

_“Jay — ”_

_“I never fucking touched you — not when we’re out of the costumes.”_

_Dick lowered his gaze, ashamed that such a thought would even cross his mind. They were in a bad place, worse than ever, and they beat on each other with cutting words, words they knew hit below the belt, but never had they raised a hand to the other — and the thought of getting hurt by or hurting Jason in that manner made Dick sick to his stomach._

_Out of nowhere, Jason turned the wheel, causing the car to swerve to the side of the road. “Jason!” He had pulled into a suburban neighborhood and stopped the car in front of a random house, putting it into park. The car was silent save for Johnny’s continued crying, and Dick’s heart was pounding so hard because he couldn’t figure out what Jason was going to do._

_Jason sat at the steering wheel, trying to control his breathing. For a moment, Dick thought that he was going to get out of the car and take a walk, but Jason remained seated, breathing heavily until he got himself back under control. Dick ignored his husband and turned around to rub Johnny’s leg as he cooed, “Shhh.”_

_“You know the difference between you and I,” Jason finally spoke, “is that I know I’m an asshole…”_

_Dick rubbed circles into Johnny’s heaving stomach and said, “Whatever, Jason.”_

_He didn’t speak, because he knew Jason was right._

_Jason was always painted as the bad guy, leaving Dick to commit his own offenses with Jason as the only witness._

 

 

Jason squirmed uncomfortably in his seat. He loved being a parent, but that didn’t mean that he loved the quirks that came with parenting. The parents sitting in the auditorium with him were getting their camera phones and ridiculously sized cameras ready to film verbally challenged little people stumble their way through their pageant lines. He didn’t care about these spoiled, snot-nosed brats, or their spineless parents.

Dick allowed Jason to drive to the manor that evening and take pictures with Johnny in his pilgrim costume. When they had finished taking pictures, Dick took Jason aside so that Tim and Damian could fawn over Johnny while he asked Jason if he wanted to sleep over that night and have Thanksgiving dinner with the family the next day. Jason agreed without a second thought. Dick and him were in a better place than they had been in months, and it had been weeks since he’d seen Tim and Damian.

Jason and Dick were the only ones attending the pageant, because Bruce was with the League, Tim was flying to Chicago for a mandatory conference, and Damian needed to take care of a hostage situation with Steph. They weren’t even sure if Bruce was going to be back for Thanksgiving, and Tim’s plane was supposed to land right before they were going to start dinner.

“This is a little much for a pre-school pageant,” Jason commented. He shot a dirty look at a parent who shoved past dick to grab a spot at the front of the auditorium, where he set up his obnoxious telescope-esque camera.

“Leave it, Jay,” Dick said, resting a hand on his shoulder. “Remember where our son goes to school?”

“A zoo,” Jason replied. “These people are animals.”

“No, they just — ” Dick was interrupted by another parent pushing past him. “ — love their kids,” Dick gritted through his teeth.

“Just take a seat already, babe.” The words were out of Jason’s mouth before he realized what he said, but Dick didn’t seem to react to them. Instead, he stepped out of the aisle and took his seat

Jason was getting too comfortable with what they had. Dick had left him, and they were no longer together. Just because they could attend parties and events together and be friendly, didn’t mean that Dick was going to come back to Blüdhaven, to Jason.

The dimming lights signaled that the pageant was about to start. A woman walked out on stage and introduced herself as the pre-school’s principal, then went on to thank school donors — one of them being Bruce Wayne — for their generosity, which was what makes events like this possible.

When the children shuffled on stage, Jason examined their costumes in confusion. He looked around at the other parents and saw that everyone else looked to be on a different page, the same page Dick was on.

“Why are there pilgrims and the five food groups on stage?”

“Cultural appropriation.”

“Excuse me?”

“If the kids dressed up as Native Americans, then that would be cultural appropriation. The school board voted that this should be the alternative.”

“What the fuck happened to Thanksgiving?”

“Shhh,” a parent in front of them hissed.

“Jason, just be thankful our son is a pilgrim and not the kid in the peach costume.”

“What’s this stupid play about if it isn’t going to be your basic first Thanksgiving?”

Dick merely shrugged and kept his attention on the stage. Jason wasn’t interested in the first round of kids, whom were singing a song about friendship or some bullshit. Jason didn’t even bother perking up until Johnny’s group walked on stage. The pilgrim hat was a little big for his head, and Johnny kept readjusting it; Jason found it absolutely precious.

Jason practically jumped in his seat when Dick reached over and grabbed his hand, squeezing gently with a huge smile on his face, as he watched Johnny and his classmates sing.

It was the most normal Jason had felt in such a long time. He felt happy, like the day he and Dick brought Johnny home. _They were holding hands._ To anybody that saw them, they would think that Dick and Jason were a happily married couple not going through a separation. Jason let himself fall into it, and he shouldn’t have. He gently rubbed his thumb over the back of Dick’s hand as they watched their son, and it was as if the small stages of his short life were passing by.

Jason remembered the wrinkly, pink thing that was pulled from the artificial womb. He remembered the first time Johnny opened his eyes, still dark with no color to them. He remembered hours of tummy time, and the spit up, and the piss, and the shit — some of which was still kind of present. He remembered Johnny’s first word — Dada — and his first steps taken toward Jason. He remembered the nightmare that was potty training, and all the pictures Dick made them take that he bitched about, even though he was grateful for them now.

Jason wanted that back so badly. He just wanted his family back in their Blüdhaven apartment, waking up together, eating meals together, coming home to each other, and going to sleep together. Jason missed having a body next to him. Some nights he slept on the couch just so he didn’t have to stare at the empty space next to him.

Jason let go of Dick’s hand and took his phone out of his pocket. Dick looked at the screen curiously as Jason opened the camera app. “What are you doing?”

“I’m going to be a bad dad.” Jason got up from his seat and walked down the aisle toward the front of the stage, ignoring Dick’s protests.

The world of parenting was turning him into a monster.

Jason recognized the dad that had rudely elbowed Dick out of the way to get to the front, so he took his revenge and elbowed the dad and his obnoxious camera to the left so he could get the perfect view of Johnny.

“Watch it, dick,” the dad snapped at him.

Jason grabbed the front of the dad’s shirt and used it as leverage to pull them practically nose-to-nose. “Move over or I’ll break your fucking neck,” he growled in his face, and the dad mad the right choice by complying with his request.

With the dad out of the way, Jason held up his phone and pressed record. Johnny looked over and saw Jason in front of the stage. For the first time during the pageant, the nervous expression disappeared from his face and was replaced with Dick’s smile. Jason could tell that Johnny was using all the restraint he had to not wave, but he kept his eye on Jason for the rest of the song.

When Johnny’s group exited the stage, Jason saved the recording and retreated back to his seat, where Dick was waiting for him with hands outstretched. “Let me see.” While the next group performed, Dick watched the recording of Johnny on Jason’s phone. “Thank you,” he said to Jason as he returned the phone. “I know you hate that stuff…but thank you.” Jason shrugged and hoped that Dick would grab his hand during the performance again, but he didn’t.

At the end of the pageant, the entire pre-school was crammed onto the stage as they performed the very last song with their music instructor singing along, because all the songs were a little much for preschool children to remember. When the song was over, all the parents stood up and applauded their children.

The children were sent off the stage by class to find their parents. Jason couldn’t wait to get his hands on Johnny, but as soon as Johnny found them, Dick was the first to get his arms around him and haul him off the ground.

“You are the cutest little pilgrim!” Dick exclaimed as he carried Johnny out of the theater. “I might have to eat you up for Thanksgiving dinner.”

“Dada, no!” Johnny laughed when Dick started making gobbling noises into Johnny’s neck. When Dick emerged, Johnny pointed at Jason and said, “Daddy, I saw you.”

“I saw you too, Baby Bird.”

Johnny took his hat off his head and placed it on Jason’s. “Daddy’s a pilgrim.”

Dick looked at Jason. “You make a pretty cute pilgrim yourself.”

Jason had to look away, because he thought he saw something familiar in Dick’s eyes, a look he used to give Jason before they got into bed for the night, and it was terrifying. It meant there was hope, and Jason couldn’t let himself have hope.

Johnny fell asleep in the car on the way home. While Dick drove them home, Dick sent pictures and videos to Tim and Bruce. He made a call to Damian who was heading off to bed and wanted to see what he sent to the family tomorrow. Dick went on about how precious their child was, and Jason would make content noises of affirmation.

When they arrived home, Dick carried Johnny up to his room while Jason took the ahi tuna salad out of the fridge Alfred had prepared earlier that evening for him and Dick to eat and took some clean utensils out of one of the kitchen drawers. He considered pouring them each a glass of white wine, but thought better of it. Instead, he grabbed two bottled waters out of the fridge and carried everything into the sitting room where a more casual eating area was set up.

Dick returned downstairs ten minutes later and wasted no time in starting dinner. “That was so cute. We made such a freaking cute baby.”

“He’s dangerous,” Jason said. “He has this entire family wrapped around his little finger.”

Dick nodded and took a sip of water. “When we refuse to get him a Ferrari for his sixteenth birthday, whose strings do you think he’ll be pulling?”

“Bruce doesn’t know what he’s in for. Lucky for him, I wasn’t around for all of my teenage years.”

Dick’s smile instantly disappeared. “Bruce would give his life if it meant that you got those years back, Jason. I’d give _my_ life.”

“Don’t say that. Better me than you — anyone than you.”

“Except Johnny.”

“Yes, except Johnny.”

“And you.”

Jason sighed and took a bite of his salad. This was, and always would be, an endless argument. “So are we all taking shifts tomorrow? One helps Alfred cook while the other keeps an eye on the monster?”

“Sounds like a plan,” Dick said. “I’m hoping Damian could handle him for an hour or two while I look over a case file.”

Jason snorted. “Okay, _Bruce_.”

Dick sent him a chiding, but amused look over the rim of his water bottle. “The Riddler is messing with my mind.”

“Whatever it is, I’m sure it can wait until the day after tomorrow.” Dick’s chuckle made Jason grin. His little laughs were gorgeous, gave his face a softness that shaped his sharp features.

“You can’t let me win.”

“Oh, you’ve won,” Jason said, thinking of the time Dick got with Johnny and the support Dick had from the family.

“That’s not winning, Jason.” Dick looked like he might cry. “I haven’t won in this either.” Dick stood and took both their plates. “I’ll wash these. I put Johnny in your room out of habit, but I made up one of the spares.”

Jason waited for Dick to return so that he could show him to his bedroom. He followed his estranged husband up the stairs and down the hall. “Can I peek in Johnny’s room?”

“Sure.”

Jason opened the door to his old room and barely recognized it. Dick had told him that it remained untouched until he had moved Johnny in, which had been Bruce’s idea. Toys were scattered all over the floor, clothes were lying on the closet floor, and the bed sheets were covered in lightning bolts. Johnny was sound asleep, his chest rising and falling with each breath.

Jason stepped into the room and quietly made his way toward the bed and gently kissed one of those plump cheeks. “Love you, Baby Bird,” he whispered before pulling back.

“Jason, he’s the best thing we ever did,” Dick stated after Jason closed the door to Johnny’s room.

“I can’t believe we made the adorable, precious baby in that room.”

Dick sighed. “He won’t be a baby for long.”

“Did I ever thank you?” Jason asked Dick. “For giving him to me?”

“Maybe not in words,” Dick mused. “I don’t think I ever thanked you.”

“Well, thank you, Dick, for letting me be a father to the perfect child…I don’t even think I ever told you how amazing of a dad you are.”

Jason didn’t know where all this vulnerability was coming from. The evening had been surreal, and maybe the hand holding and the hours spent in each other’s company without the rest of the family present were messing with his mind. He wasn’t bothering to be careful with his words and was letting his emotions lead rather than his reason.

“I appreciate that, Jason,” Dick said quietly. Jason watched him bite his plump, bottom lip, observed the way those white teeth made it red under the stress. “You’re so good…Johnny loves you so much…”

“Yeah,” Jason said in a husky voice, eyes misting over and focused on Dick’s moist mouth. “Yeah.”

_It’s been so long since…_

Before Jason could think too much about what he was doing, he gently supported Dick’s head by holding the back of his neck and used his thumb to tip his chin up so his mouth could capture Dick’s delicious lips in a soft, but passionate kiss.

It was as if they never parted. Jason swore that it was just yesterday that he had kissed Dick like this. The best part was that Dick was kissing him back, went limp and let Jason guide him. It was a kiss that only lasted barely five seconds, and Dick was the one to pull away. However, he wrapped his arms around Jason’s neck and nestled into the crook.

“Please,” Dick whispered. “Just for tonight, Little Wing." 

This was not a good idea. Neither of them were ready, they were making decisions off the high they were feeling from the evening, and nothing would come of it the next morning. But Jason couldn’t deny the loneliness any longer, couldn’t pretend that he didn’t miss Dick so much that it hurt.

Jason wrapped an around Dick’s waist and pulled him in for another brief kiss. He took the chance to kiss Dick’s head, inhaled the scent of his washed hair. He missed that hair splayed against the pillow next to his. There was no way for him to say no. Not to Dick.

“Take me, Jason,” Dick breathed against his mouth, lips barely brushing his own.

Just for tonight.

 

 

 

 

_Jason sat on the edge of his bed as he buttoned his shirt. They didn’t get to do this during the day anymore, not with a kid. But Johnny was at daycare, and Jason was due to pick him up after their lunch break, which they did not spend eating._

_Dick was usually spent his lunch breaks in the city, so it was a surprise for Jason to return to the apartment and find Dick eating leftover soup from the night before. There was a fight that morning when Jason refused to discuss a job because it was related to a case Dick was working. Jason didn’t like to mess with the cops, and Dick knew that, but maybe Jason had been unnecessarily mean about it._

_It was the first rough and dirty round of makeup sex they had in months. Usually fights ended with Jason sleeping on the couch and waiting out the storm before Jason was allowed back in the bed. He and Dick locked eyes in the kitchen, and it clicked that the anger was still present, there was no kid in the house, and they hadn’t had sex in three weeks. It was like a couple of fifteen-year-olds having sex for the first time: it was embarrassingly fast._

_“That was fun.”_

_Dick grunted._

_“That was a hell of an apology I gave you.”_

_Jason turned his head around when Dick remained silent. He was lying on his side, white sheet draped gracefully over his beautifully sculpted body with an intense look on his face._

_Jason shot Dick a filthy smirk. “Want me to do you again?”_

_Dick laid his head down on the pillow. “I need to get back to work.” He stretched his arms over his head before tucking them behind it in a relaxed position.  
_

_“Damn, I fucked you good.”_

_“Stop talking like that.”_

_Jason shrugged and finished putting on his shirt. Next, he grabbed his boxer-briefs from the ground and stepped into them. He grabbed his pants off the floor and reached into the pocket to pull out a cigarette. From the top dresser drawer he produced a lighter and lit the cigarette._

_“Damn it, Jason, not in the apartment!”_

_Jason took a long drag and gave Dick a toothy smile as he exhaled. He was in too good of a mood to argue with Dick. His husband was still flushed and sweaty and gorgeous, and Jason just wanted to smoke and look at him._

_“You’re fucking gorgeous.”_

_Dick snorted. “And you’re ridiculous.”_

_“Your body is ridiculous.”_

_Dick sat up and finally got out of bed. Jason watched the sheet fall away and kept his eyes glued to the greatest ass in the vigilante business as it marched into the master bathroom. Dick closed the door behind him and Jason waited for him to be done._

_“You’re still here,” Dick commented when he emerged._

_“Am I not supposed to be?” Jason took another drag._

_“Usually you’re gone after this sort of thing.”_

_“I can leave, if that’s what you want.” Dick’s silence was enough of an answer for Jason. He walked onto their small balcony and put the cigarette out on the railing. By the time he turned around, Dick had made his exit._

_Make-up sex was a rush, it was quick, and Jason did tend to leave right after. He enjoyed having a cigarette right after to help the adrenaline subside. Dick left earlier than he usually would, and it put off the good mood Jason was in. This wasn’t how this usually went._

_It was different, when you were the one being left behind._


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry I hoped to have this up yesterday. 
> 
> This story is coming to an end! All the chapters have ended with flashbacks, except for this one. They were supposed to show how Dick and Jason's relationship came to an end, and the last flashback was of the night after Dick left Jason, so there's no point or them now. The last chapter is going to be set in the present. 
> 
> Thanks to all who have been reading and dropping lovely comments! I see them all <3
> 
> Hopefully the next chapter will be up by next week :)
> 
> [My Tumblr](http://burningice2.tumblr.com/)

Dick expected Jason to be gone the next morning; he did say that what they were doing was going to be a one time thing, but Dick woke up to Jason sleeping next to him. He could go back to sleep and let Jason wake up to make the decision for him. There was also the option of him initiating a decision, but he had done enough of that for him and Jason. Yet, it was something he couldn’t seem to give up. Dick decided to get and leave Jason alone, just to let things breathe, give them both time to absorb what had transpired between them.

Thanksgiving was a very noisy, busy, and fantastic event. Dick and Jason were very friendly toward each other, just like when they watched Johnny’s Thanksgiving recital; it was if they had never slept together, and Dick couldn’t figure out if he was okay with how that night had turned out. On one hand, he was glad that sleeping with Jason hadn’t soured their relationship. He and Jason conversed during drop-offs and pick-ups, and fights were still absent from their meetings.

However, sleeping with Jason had not given Dick the answers to his questions. When was he going to go through with the divorce? What did Jason want? In fact, that night with Jason left Dick more confused about their relationship than he was at the beginning of their separation.

There was an opportunity to discuss everything with Jason when he dropped Johnny off one Sunday evening, about two weeks after Thanksgiving. Bruce was busy in the cave, trying to track down Harley, who had broken out of Arkham the night before, and would not be present to scare Jason off or make him aggressive.

It was the first time Jason had come to the manor that Dick was nervous to talk to him in a very long time. Jason could sense that Dick had something important to say, and Dick could tell by the look on his face that he thought Dick was going to back out of their custody agreement. Dick tried to smile to ease Jason’s nerves.

After ushering Johnny inside to Alfred, Dick took a breath and began, “So…” but couldn’t seem to find the words. Sleeping with Jason hadn’t resolved their issues. Jason still refused to go to therapy, to the point where Dick had given up asking Jason to go. There was no point in chasing this.

He let Jason go that evening with only a goodbye and drive safe, but couldn’t stop thinking about Jason throughout dinner; he barely blinked when Johnny threw his mashed potatoes at him, and he wasn’t as thorough at bathing Johnny as he usually was. As soon as he put Johnny to bed, he decided to go for a drive to clear his head, because Jason refused to leave his thoughts.

Dick was clearly still in love, and sleeping with Jason was bringing back memories of lazy mornings in bed, kisses stolen throughout the day, whispered affections in the dark, and a complete family sharing a meal at the kitchen table. It was the third time Dick had struck out with love, but there was still a chance for everything to be fixed, to be back to normal.

Without realizing it, Dick had driven to Blüdhaven; he had no business being there. His mind was a mix of nostalgia and bad memories. This was where he tested out his new independence, made a name for himself, became a man, fell in love with Jason, and made a home with his family. This was also where that family fell apart.

As he drove through downtown, Dick was able to pinpoint spots where he and Jason like to hang out. There was a Mexican restaurant that served amazing tequila shots and nachos next to the Target where he and Jason would do some of their shopping. Across the street from the old bank was the pretentious café that Jason had taken him to on their official first date, about a few months after they had started fucking. Dick felt himself choke up when he saw an apartment building where Jason had set up a picnic after their patrol, complete with pita chips, olives, almonds, hummus, and white wine.

Dick pulled the car into the first parking spot on the street that was open and gripped the steering wheel as he tried to catch his breath. There was no reason for him to be here. It wasn’t as if he could drive to his old apartment and beg Jason to take him back without discussing their issues; it was impossible to dive back into a tumultuous relationship and expect everything to be resolved.

He should be home, where his son was fast asleep, not parked in downtown Blüdhaven thinking about Jason. Dick turned his head and saw that he was parked outside an Irish pub that Jason liked to frequent and had taken him to a few times. Dick knew that drinking when he was feeling low wasn’t usually the best idea, but with the thought of Johnny waiting for him to return, Dick was confident that he could restrain himself to only one beer.

The pub looked exactly the same as he remembered it. The walls were covered in Irish sports team memorabilia, the stools were still made of wood, the leather covering the booths was still ripped, and it was still frequented by a plethora of characters. A man with an eye patch was sitting at a table with an older Asian man, one of the booths was occupied by a young college couple, and at the bar…

Jason.

Dick felt like he was watching a movie, a part of the audience watching someone else’s life. Jason sat at one of the bar stools — Dick guessed with a Guinness. Is this what Jason did every evening after dropping off Johnny at the manor? Did he spend his nights moping at a seedy pub alone? Dick’s heart clenched at the thought that this was what he was doing to Jason.

All that guilt turned to rage when a girl in shorts that barely covered her cervix, a bandeau, and heels sat on Jason’s lap and wrapped an arm around his neck to pull him closer so that she could whisper something into his ear. Dick had no right to be angry. He took Jason to court, made it evident that nothing was going to be the same. Just because Dick hadn’t moved on, didn’t mean it was the same for Jason. Being with someone else might have been what was helping him get through these past few months.

Yet Dick couldn’t help but feel betrayed. The impending divorce had been briefly discussed with others, but never brought up to Jason. Jason never mentioned if he was seeing anyone — would he even mention if he was sleeping around? Hell, they had sex! Dick thought bitterly about Jason going steady with someone else during that time, and he felt dirty for being used like that. Did Jason get a kick out of making Dick’s resolve crumble like that, getting him into bed for one last fuck?

Most of the year had been spent shedding tears over Jason, and Dick didn’t have any more tears to give to the man he loved. He had to pull up every last bit of strength in his resolve, the same strength he found that night when he left Jason, and turned his back on his estranged husband once again.

He’d like to say that he determinedly drove home, that it was easy to turn his back on Jason because he had done it before. But Dick sat in the car for five minutes, trying to decide if he should go back in the pub and confront Jason. But they were no longer in a monogamous relationship, and Jason was free to do what he wanted.

Dick couldn’t’ continue to hold either of them back.

 

 

 

 

_Dick didn’t know how much longer he could go on like this. It was almost four in the morning, and Jason was still not home. Dick must have called him dozens of time by now, but he wasn’t picking up. What if there was an emergency, and Johnny needed to go to the hospital? What if somebody figured out whom they were and had come to kill them? Not to mention, it was too late for the father of his child to be out._

_The television was set to a volume that was loud enough to keep Dick from falling asleep, but quiet enough to not wake Johnny, and Dick was wishing that the television could send some sort of frequency to Jason’s phone that would make his selfish husband answer it and give Dick an excuse for his dubious behavior. Nights like these were becoming too familiar, and Dick didn’t know how many more arguments he could have with Jason about them. If it weren’t for how much Jason loved his son, Dick would fear that there would be one night that Jason just wouldn’t come home._

_Dick had yet to see a night where Jason didn’t return, his latest time being six in the morning. There were no injuries suggesting that they had inhibited Jason from getting home at a decent hour, and this had been happening often enough that Jason knew that he shouldn’t even bother retiring to their room for the night. They would sometimes go almost two weeks without sharing a bed, and Dick had been begging Jason for months to get help, attend couples counseling, and even went as far to propose that Jason take some time for himself since he spent most of his time out of the apartment, and Jason nearly tore his head off at the suggestion._

_This could be the one night Jason wasn’t home because he was seriously hurt, but it was rare that anyone got fatally wounded on a nightly patrol, so Dick wasn’t going to wallow in guilt over wanting to mangle Jason for not being home. If Jason returned home with cuts, Dick was going to squeeze lemon juice on them. If Jason returned home from drinking with buddies, Dick would give him injuries to cry over._

_How could Jason do this to his family? Dick didn’t understand why Jason refused to get help so that he could interact healthily with his husband and child. Whenever Dick brought up what this was doing to the family, Jason acted like he didn’t even care. What a selfish bastard. Dick was used to being the asshole in his relationships, and now he had the utmost respect for Kori and Babs for putting up with his shit during and after their relationships ended. Dick couldn’t decide whether he hated being the asshole or the victim more._

_He knew it was futile, but Dick tried calling Jason’s number one more time and, as expected, was met with his voicemail. Dick clutched his phone tightly in fear of throwing it against the wall. There was only so many times that he could check on Johnny. At two-years-old his mind was sharper, and he was starting to take notice of Jason’s absences and his parents’ volatile relationship. There was going to come a point when Dick diverting Johnny’s attention with outings, television, and toys would cease working. Dick hated thinking it, but Johnny could grow up resenting his parents for dragging out this relationship._

_Dick looked at the time again: 4:30. He had already done the dishes and folded laundry; it may be time to give up on waiting for Jason to come home and finally call it a night. After making sure that all of the lights were shut off and the doors and windows were locked, Dick retired to his room for the night._

_He shouldn’t have expected to get any sleep. And he shouldn’t have been surprised that by the time the sun came up, Jason had not come home._

Christmas was in two weeks, and Jason had not started his shopping. When he and Dick were together, he was more than happy to do all of the shopping for holidays and birthdays. Jason was lost when it came to buying gifts for people older than a toddler, and he planned on procrastinating his shopping until the twenty-third of the month.

Jason tried to not let what happened the night before Thanksgiving bother him. He and Dick had enjoyed a great evening at Johnny’s recital, but that didn’t change the fact that they had issues to resolve. They both let the mood of the night overtake them and gave into their pent up sexual frustrations — at least on Jason’s part — and unwisely got into bed with each other. Dick had said it was just for one night, and so Jason tried to not think of it any more than that.

That night had made Jason wonder if Dick had moved on and started dating other people. Although they never discussed what would happen after the separation, that didn’t mean that Dick had started preparing for a future without him, so Jason decided to try moving on like Dick might be doing. Every Wednesday night after work, he went to a bar and limited himself to one drink and engaged in conversation with either a woman or man of his choosing. On nights when he got invitations back to apartments, condos, or houses, Jason couldn’t find it in himself to say yes, not so soon after Dick.

This was not some breakup with a guy he had been dating for a few months. This was Dick Grayson, his husband and the father of his child, and a part of Jason hated Dick if he had indeed moved on so soon, even if Jason had been a complete douche. He could easily pick someone up and take them back to his apartment to get an angry fuck out of his system, but Jason cared too much about Dick to do that to him, especially in the apartment he shared with him and their son.

Jason unlocked the door to his apartment, just returning home from another futile night at the bar. He was becoming to familiar with the apartment being empty for the majority of the week. There was a missed call from Tim on his phone, and he considered not calling him back until tomorrow morning, but it was only nine-thirty, which meant Tim would be awake, either on patrol or working outside the office.

_“Jason. Hey. Glad you called back.”_

“What’s up?” Jason asked. He spotted his unopened mail from earlier today on the coffee table and started sorting through it. “Are you and Damian okay?”

 _“Yeah, everything’s fine.”_ Despite that, Tim sounded tired, and Jason was willing to bet that he didn’t get much sleep the night before and was preparing for another night of activity. _“Harley is really giving me a run for my money. We’ve had bombs placed in the Diamond District, Otisburg, Tricorner, and the Upper East Side. And those are the bombs that we’ve found so far. I hate to ask this of you, but I think we’re going to need you to come over and help out.”_

Jason tossed an envelope in his small pile of bills he planned on paying tomorrow. “I’ll be there in a half hour.”

_“Don’t bother. I’ve gone without sleep since yesterday at five in the morning, and Damian is about ready to tie me to the bed.”_

“Ew.”

_“You know what I mean. He hates when I don’t sleep.”_

Jason came across an envelope with the name of the firm that Dick’s lawyer worked at, and it was as if the blood in his body stopped flowing. Tim’s voice in his ear became muffled as his shaking fingers tore open the envelope. He barely heard Tim asking if he was okay as he unfolded the papers within and tried to read them with his blurry vision.

_“Jason! What’s going on? Answer me!”_

“Tim…” Jason spoke past the lump in his throat.

Jason didn’t bother reading the rest of the papers after being able to make out the words “petition” and “divorce.” Nothing could have prepared him for this, except maybe Dick having the decency to give him a heads up sometime in the two weeks that he had been at the manor. What Jason didn’t expect was for his dread to be quickly replaced by anger — anger at Dick for being so cowardly in how he handled this.

“Tim, I’m fine,” Jason said, his voice much clearer. He shoved the papers back in the envelope, and then stuffed it in his pocket. “Where’s Dick?”

 _“He should be at the manor,”_ Tim responded. _“Why? Is Dick okay?”_

Jason didn’t even know how to respond to that. “I have to speak with him. I’m heading over to the manor.”

_“Jason, you’re not supposed to be there.”_

“Yeah, yeah, I know how this works,” Jason all but growled. He was holding his keys so tightly in his hands that they were digging into his palms — that was definitely blood trickling onto the floor. “Something’s come up.” Tim was ominously silent on the phone, and Jason ceased locking the door to his apartment. “You knew.”

_“I had my suspicions.”_

“Damn it, Tim!”

_“It’s not my business. And I wasn’t going to tell you anything without having plausible evidence. It’s not like Dick talks about you to any of us.”_

Jason didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing. Maybe not mentioning Jason was Dick’s way of moving on, ignoring their relationship to make seeing other people easier. However, it was possible that Dick was being respectful of Jason and their relationship by not discussing the problems in their relationship with other people.

_“I know what you’re thinking, and you can’t just barge into the manor on a rampage. Your son is probably asleep, and you’re going to want to maintain a good relationship with Dick to ensure that you still get joint custody.”_

“If he hasn’t changed his mind!” Jason raged as he stormed toward his car. If Dick changed his mind on custody because of the divorce…Jason didn’t know what he was going to do.

_“Dick wouldn’t —”_

“He did this —”

_“This was inevitable. Dick wouldn’t go back on your custody arrangement. You’re doing so much better —”_

Jason emitted a feral yell and punched in his car window. _“Then why is he doing this to us?”_ Jason shouted. He practically ripped the car door off its hinges in his panic to get to the manor.

_“Jason, stop! You need to stay calm. For your son!”_

He knew that Tim was right, that if he showed up to the manor in this state and woke up Johnny, he would be scared and confused. If Dick went through with the divorce, Jason would need to do everything he could to convince Dick that he deserved joint custody of their son.

It took a few calming breaths to placate himself, get into the right state of mind to show up and look like he wasn’t a crazy person with the urge to strangle someone. Preferably Bruce for hiring that pricy lawyer. He really hoped that Bruce was out on patrol, so that he could privately discuss the divorce papers with Dick.

“I have to go,” Jason spoke into the phone after he started the car. “I’m going to fix this.”

 _“Just be smart,”_ Tim warned before hanging up.

Jason sped down the street toward the freeway faster than was legal. Dick and he had been in purgatory for months, and the final decision rested on Dick: take Jason back or go through with the choice. Apparently, Dick had made his choice. And Jason just made his.

Dick couldn’t go through with this. Jason wasn’t ready to let go.

 

 

 

 

_Besides the night patrols, Jason worked long hours during his regular job. After work, sometimes he liked to go out to the bars and take some time for himself, process the image of the child’s body he found next to a river or the nightmare he had during his afternoon nap of being blown up in Ethiopia away from his apartment. Dick always said Jason wasn’t’ allowed to bring work home, so that’s what he was doing._

_He dragged out the workday longer than was necessary, and he closed up his office at around eight. Dick had already called six times, most likely wondering why he wasn’t home for dinner without prior notice. Jason stopped by the lesbian bar around the corner for his apartment and grabbed a quick vodka tonic before walking the rest of the way home._

_Johnny was still awake, eyes glued to the television with a juice-box in his hand. Jason always told Dick that Johnny shouldn’t have sugar this late. Speaking of Dick, he was nowhere to be found. Jason closed the front door and approached his son._

_“Where’s Dada?”_

_Without taking his eyes off the television, Johnny said, “Bedroom.”_

_Jason found Dick changing into a pair of sweats and a crewneck he stole from Wally years ago and never bothered to return. “Are you going to bed already?”_

_“What’s it to you?” Dick snapped. “I don’t know why you’d care, seeing as you’re never home. I’m lucky you showed up at all before midnight.”_

_The best way for Jason to deflect Dick’s hurtful comments was to attack Dick where it hurt. “Why is Johnny having a juice before bed? Speaking of, he was supposed to be asleep an hour ago.”_

_“Not that you would know, but it’s difficult getting Johnny to bed when you aren’t home. He wants you to stay goodnight to him and, understandably, it’s impossible for me to allow him to stay up waiting for you to come home — if you come home.”_

_“With all the sugar you give him, it wouldn’t exactly be impossible,” Jason snapped._

_Dick slammed one of the dresser drawers shut. “Do you really want to do this now? While your son is awake?”_

_“I’m not doing anything.”_

_“You’re coming home late.”_

_“I’m staying out of your way.”_

_“And why would you do that?”_

_“Because you don’t want me around!” Jason yelled, trying not to get in Dick’s face. “It’s as if my presence sickens you!”_

_“Because sometimes you do sicken me!” The pitch of Dick’s voice nearly matched Jason’s. “You picked up smoking again, you’ve turned into a belligerent drunk, and you’re overall unpleasant to be around! All of the responsibility rests on my shoulders, while you’re absent doing god-knows-what! I have no idea whether you’re safe, if you’re running late, if you’re cheating —”_

_“Fuck you, Dick, I would never —”_

_“I don’t know if that’s true anymore!”_

_“How could you say something like that?” Jason asked incredulously. “I love you!”_

_“Really? Because you haven’t been acting like it! Try coming home in time for dinner for once! Spend some time with your son before he forgets that he has two parents —”_

_“Don’t you fucking dare!” Jason shouted with a finger pointed at Dick. “Call me a shitty husband all you want, but I’m a good father!”_

_Dick crossed his arms and fell uncharacteristically silent. Jason screwed up. If there was one thing that became a recurring topic during their squabbles, it was that Jason had stopped caring about his relationship with Dick. Johnny would always take precedence over their relationship, and they agreed that they were one hundred percent okay with that, but Jason’s job had taken priority over his home life._

_“You say you love me, but you don’t care if you’re a bad husband,” Dick finally spoke with a resigned understanding. He shouldered past Jason and retreated down the hall to the living room._

_Jason considered letting Dick leave the argument, but Jason really fucked up his back last week on patrol and wanted to sleep in a bed tonight. Against his better judgment, Jason followed Dick down the hall and into the living room. Dick turned the television off and took a sleeping Johnny in his arms, but instead of taking their son to his room Dick walked into the kitchen and grabbed the car keys off the counter._

_Jason’s blood ran cold. “What are you doing?”_

_Dick placed a protective hand on Johnny’s back. His eyes watered, and his voice shook when he said, “I’m done.”_

_Jason nervously ran his tongue over his bottom lip. “I don’t know what you’re going on about. Put Johnny to bed and — and let’s talk about this.”_

_“Oh, Jason.” Dick chuckled humorously and released a breath that sounded like had been held in for the past year. “Talking hasn’t gotten us anywhere. And I’m so tired. I can’t do this anymore.”_

_“Wait —” Jason stepped forward, tried to grab Dick and hold him still, but his husband evaded his grasp and walked through the living room to the front door. The situation slipped so quickly out of Jason’s control, and he barely had time to catch up with Dick and process what was happening._

_“I’m going to the manor,” Dick explained in a rush as he opened the door and stepped outside of their apartment, “and I’m not coming back.”_

_“No!” Jason grabbed the doorknob and pulled. “Don’t you dare, Dick. You want to leave so badly, fine, but he stays here.” Jason reached toward Johnny, but was stopped by Dick’s firm grip around his wrist._

_“Don’t touch him,” Dick snapped. “You can’t stop me from leaving with him. I swear to god, Jason, don’t touch me.”_

_“I can’t just let you leave!” Jason shouted. “Stop fucking around and get back in the damn apartment!” That was apparently not the right thing to say, because Dick caught Jason off guard by promptly slamming the door shut. “Shit,” Jason swore, banging the door to his apartment open. “Dick —”_

_“If you follow me, I’ll call the cops,” Dick called over his shoulder._

_“Dick!” Jason dashed down the hall and caught up with Dick at the elevator. “Give me my son,” he demanded._

_“I don’t think you understand what’s happening right now.”_

_“You’re leaving with my son!”_

_“Jason, please…” Dick begged, and Jason had to be quiet and let Dick speak, because he looked heartbroken, like Jason had literally ripped the organ from his chest. The anger he was usually met with had been replaced with grief. “You’ve changed. I never see you anymore, and whenever you’re home I don’t recognize the man in front of me. Jason, I’m scared. I need to think of Johnny and what’s best for him. And I don’t think that’s…us…you…” Dick chose that moment to slip inside the elevator and descend to the lobby._

_His behavior had become so appalling, enough to induce terror in his husband, fear for the safety of their child, that Dick had finally reached his breaking point and left. Jason was so used to the vicious cycle that he didn’t think that either of them possessed a breaking point. It was terrifying that he was content to live this way, make his family live this way, instead of fixing it like Dick wanted._

_His legs felt heavy when he entered his apartment and walked out onto the balcony to see if he could find Dick walking to his car, catch one last glimpse of the future he thought he would never have walk right out of his life._

_The night remained empty with no sign of the future Jason lost._

Nights when Dick was able to lounge on the couch in front of the television were rare. There was always something to keep him busy: work, patrol, Bruce, Johnny. Tonight was one of those rare nights. Dick’s plan was to fall asleep while watching _The Princess Diaries 2_ and wake up the next morning to the smell of Alfred brewing coffee in the next room.

Getting Johnny to bed that night was fairly easy. Damian picked him up from preschool and they spent all afternoon at the park until they went to a burger joint for dinner. Dick didn’t get home until late, just in time to give Johnny his bath and tuck him into bed; his day with Damian tired him out, and he fell asleep in the middle of story time.

Dick was more than happy to use the kid’s movie as a distraction from the divorce papers that Jason was supposed to receive this week. With all the progress he and Jason made in the past few months, Dick knew that the right thing to do would’ve been to warn Jason beforehand that he would receive those documents in the mail, but Dick had taken the immature route and ignored Jason as much as he could after seeing him with that prostitute — she looked like one — at the bar. Jason had every right to start seeing other people, but knowing this and seeing it were two different concepts.

Dick wondered how Jason and he would introduce Johnny to people they were dating. What would Johnny call these people? Mom? Dad? They were Johnny’s parents, and Dick couldn’t imagine bringing another person like that into Johnny’ life. Maybe he should just give up on love. He had the most tainted record of any thirty-year-old in the world, so the universe was trying to signal to him that he was just one of those people not meant to have a Disney happily ever after with a prince or a princess. Shit, even Princess Mia managed to snag Chris Pine despite her mess of a life.

Chris Pine was helping Princess Mia out of the fountain she fell into when the ring of the manor doorbell resounded throughout the vast home. Nobody had access to the manor past the gate except for Tim, Damian, and Jason, and the first two of those three still had keys, which could only mean that Jason was at the door. It was a Wednesday, which meant that Jason was not supposed to be at the manor. Unfortunately for Dick, it also meant that the only reason Jason was at the manor was because he received the divorce papers.

“Master Jason,” Dick heard Alfred greet him. “To what do we owe this…unexpected surprise.”

Dick turned up the volume on his movie, trying his best to drown out the sound of Jason’s voice. He didn’t bother getting up from his horizontal position on the couch and hoped that Alfred would have the sense to ask Jason to come back at a decent hour, but nobody knew that Dick filed divorce papers and assumed that up to this point he still maintained a civil relationship with Jason.

“Are you seriously trying to hide from me?” Dick heard from the entrance to the living room.

“No,” he replied before poking his head over the couch. “As you can tell from the Genovian Independence Day parade, I have been watching this before you arrived.” Dick sat up and removed the blanked from his lap. Jason was still dressed in his work clothes, a pair of faded jeans, dirty white shirt, and a black leather jacket. “I’m not even going to bother asking why you’re here on a Wednesday night.”

“You know what you did.”

Dick sighed. “I admit it was a bit —”

“Douchey,” Jason supplied.

“No,” Dick snapped. “Douchey is when you push your family away and get us to this point. That’s douchey, Jason.”

Jason looked like he wanted to rampage, pick up the couch Dick was sitting on and toss it across the room, but Jason remained in place with his hands in his pockets. “Just tell me, why now?” he asked quietly, possibly in an attempt to bottle up the anger he was feeling. “You could’ve warned me, given me a heads up. You have to admit, as bad as I was, I deserved a hell of a lot more than what you gave me.”

Dick lowered his head. “I know. You’re right.”

“Then why, Dick?”

“You think this was easy for me?” Dick asked, voice louder and more confident. “You can’t stand there and tell me that you didn’t know this was going to happen. What did you think would happen if you kept refusing to get help?”

“I expected you to come back to me!”

“Jason, I left!” The adrenaline rushing throughout his body forced him to stand and walk around the couch to face Jason. “I thought I made myself clear when I did that! I wasn’t going to let us continue the way things were, and although we’re now in a better place, the next step is to make this official.”

“Don’t do this,” Jason demanded more than begged. “Don’t break up our family.”

Dick let his emotions get the better of him and shoved at Jason’s chest, pushing him back a few steps. “Screw you! This is all your fault! You did this to me!”

Jason fought back, grabbed Dick’s wrists and forced him against the wall. His eyes conveyed the betrayal he felt Dick blew him, but Dick didn’t feel threatened. “You don’t see me mailing you divorce papers,” he seethed. “This is the last thing I wanted to happen.”

It had never been more obvious to Dick than in that moment that he and Jason never got past their issues; they simply buried them and pretended that all the hurt and pain was forgiven and forgotten. Both of them were still angry and bitter over the events of the past two years, and neither of them was willing to admit fault and apologize. What scared Dick the most was that he wasn’t sure if he was beyond caring.

Dick laughed humorously. “You still don’t get it. Do you honestly see me as the bad guy? I’m not happy, and I haven’t been for a very long time.” He was forced to take a shuddering breath when he felt like he could no longer breathe. “And I still love you.” His voice wavered and he ceased fighting against Jason’s hold, let the bigger man pull him closer by the wrists. “I love you so much even though you do this to me…”

Jason released him from his grasp, and Dick leaned against the wall to support his unsteady legs. His estranged husband ran a hand through his already unruly hair and said, “I don’t understand…if we love each other…” By the look on Jason’s face, he did know why this couldn’t happen; it just hurt ten times more knowing that they still loved each other. Jason sighed and took something out of his pocket. “There’s still time. You can take these back and —”

“Just sign the papers, please,” Dick begged. “We can end this and move on.”

When Dick didn’t take the divorce papers, Jason shoved them back in his pocket and said, “You didn’t even give me a chance to — time for…Give me some time.”

Dick nodded. “I’ll give you until next Wednesday.”

“That’s fair. Can I…Can I check on Johnny?”

“Of course. He’s sleeping in your room.”

Dick allowed Jason to go upstairs and see his son. He didn’t complain that it took Jason ten minutes when it should’ve barely taken ten seconds, but Dick could imagine him sitting on the edge of their son’s bed, seeing both of their likenesses in him, imagining the happier times they spent together in Blüdhaven.

Jason was the one who pushed them away. He was the one who refused to get help, take the next steps toward healing. Yet Jason was right: Dick was the one who filed for divorce. He couldn’t help but feel that he played a part in the demise of their relationship. He didn’t play as big a role as Jason, but they had caused this mess together.

Dick could’ve been better. Jason probably hated cleaning up after him and was annoyed by his constant nagging. Dick harped on Jason’s faults almost as much as Bruce, and it was easier to get Jason to listen if he had Bruce in his corner to back him up.

No matter how you looked at it, mending their relationship was in Jason’s hands, and it was a card he refused to play.

 

 

 

 

_Nobody questioned Dick when he showed up on the manor’s doorstep in tears, carrying Johnny with only a sleepover bag full of Johnny’s essentials he found in the back of the car. Bruce offered him free range of the house for the night and suggested they all talk in the morning. That night, Dick curled around his sleeping son, but lied in bed with his eyes open until he got up at the first sign of sunlight._

_The next day he announced to everyone that he left Jason and was filing for legal separation and sole custody of Johnny. Everyone knew that they fought constantly, but the nightmares, the alcoholism, the emotional abuse, all of that was kept secret. Dick explained that Jason refused to go to therapy and couples counseling, and his unreliable and unpredictable behavior made him incapable of providing Johnny with a safe environment._

_Bruce refrained himself from saying I told you so, instead settling for taking Johnny into town for ice cream. Tim had the sense to keep Dick busy with case files so he didn’t have time to think about Jason. Damian swore vengeance and was ready to drive all the way to Blüdhaven to kick Jason’s ass, but Alfred insisted that Damian help prepare dinner, intent on eating as a family._

_Dick received dozens of texts and calls from Jason, some of which he was tempted to respond, but Tim and Damian banded together and stole his phone, intent on having him give Jason the silent treatment for at least a few days. Dick knew Jason, and being ignored was only to going to fuel his frustrations. That’s why he wasn’t surprised when Jason showed up the second night Dick and Johnny were at the manor._

_About an hour after Johnny was put to bed, Alfred answered the door when Jason rang. Everyone was in the living room discussing what steps were going to be taken — how long would Dick be at the manor, if Dick could be transferred to the GCPD, who would look after Johnny while Dick was at work — when Jason, having gotten past Alfred, stumbled into the room. Dick could immediately tell that Jason had been drinking, but was not completely out of his mind if he drove all the way to Gotham safely._

_Jason’s eyes were rimmed with dark circles and red from lack of sleep. His hair lied in a tangle on his head, and he wore the same clothes Dick saw him in yesterday. Dick assumed that Jason didn’t make it into work today and spent all night and the majority of his day moping, drinking, raging, and drinking some more. A pang of guilt momentarily shot through Dick, but he had to remember that Jason did this to himself and that Dick had a child to think about._

_“Alright, you threw your tantrum. Now get your ass in the car and let’s go home.”_

_It was outrageous that Jason assumed all Dick needed was to blow off steam at the manor to get into a forgiving mod — just one of the problems with their relationship. Dick was embarrassed for Jason, but also embarrassed for himself; his entire family was now a witness to Jason’s drunken display and were probably wondering why Dick hadn’t left him sooner._

_“Jason, I’m not leaving.”_

_Tim was frantically looking back and forth between the two of them, and Dick silently prayed that his family remain silent throughout this exchange and let him handle Jason; outside involvement would only make him more volatile._

_“What are you talking about?” Jason huffed. “Let’s go before it gets too late.”_

_“No.”_

_Jason appraised him briefly before saying, “If you want to screw around, be my guest. But I’m taking my son home.”_

_Dick could feel everyone in the room go tense at those words. “Johnny is sleeping, and you are not going to touch him.”_

_“He’s my son, and I’ll take him wherever I want!”_

_“Jason,” Bruce warned._

_Jason turned toward Bruce with a scowl. “I bet you’re enjoying this, aren’t you? This is what you wanted all along. You never liked that your golden child ended up with a deadbeat like me.” Jason was leering over Bruce’s form, which looked ready to spring from the couch if Jason decided to get physical. “Say it, Bruce! Say it!”_

_“Master Jason might I suggest a glass of water or a good night’s sleep.”_

_“Alfred, I’m sorry, but now’s not the time —”_

_“Yes, Jason, now really isn’t the time,” said Dick. “Go back to Blüdhaven. My lawyer will be in contact with you —”_

_“Your lawyer? What the hell do you need a lawyer for?”_

_“I don’t want to be married to you anymore!” Dick shouted in exasperation. “And I’m filing for sole custody of Johnny.”_

_Dick saw Jason’s eyes dart out of the room toward the staircase, but he wasn’t quick enough to physically prevent Jason going upstairs. Damian was the first to follow after Jason shouting, “Todd, I will not hesitate to fight you!” Dick held a hand up to signal to the rest of the family to not follow._

_Damian had Jason pinned against the staircase. The older man took a swing, which Damian was easily able to block with Jason not in his right mind. Damian twisted Jason around with his arm pinned behind his back. “Let me go,” Jason growled, but was only pushed further against the staircase._

_“You are not in your right mind,” Damian explained. “Do you want your son to see you like this?”_

_“Daddy?”_

_Dick’s heart stopped when he spotted Johnny at the top of the staircase rubbing his tired eyes; he wasn’t supposed to be awake to see this. His uncle had his father pinned and his other father watched with tears in his eyes, a situation no two and a half-year-old could understand._

_Damian released Jason who looked like he would push Damian over the railing if Johnny weren’t watching them in confusion. Jason took a few tentative steps up the stairs. “Hey, buddy,” he crooned at Johnny. “Are you ready to come home?”_

_“I’m at a sleepover.”_

_“I know, and now it’s time to go home.”_

_Johnny frowned. “Dada said we’re staying.”_

_“Todd…”_

_“Jason, please, I don’t want to do this in front of him. Let me put to Johnny to sleep and then we can talk.”_

_As expected, Jason ignored everyone and gathered Johnny in his arms. The toddler went limp and wrapped his arms around Jason’s neck, ready to fall back to sleep. “You had no right to take him like that, Dick. He’s coming home with me.”_

_Dick slowly ascended the staircase. “Jason…please…is Johnny going home with you right now really best? You’ve been drinking, and I know that if it were me in your state, you would not want Johnny in a car with me. You can even stay the night if you want but just…don’t take him now.”_

_Jason looked to be considering what Dick proposed. He really hoped that Jason wouldn’t try to leave with Johnny or else he might be forced to use violence to prevent Jason from leaving, and the family would back him up._

_“Jesus Christ, Todd, I’ll warm you up some leftovers while Grayson puts your child to bed.” Damian wrapped an arm around Jason’s shoulder and led him down the stairs. “Pennyworth prepared an amazing tilapia that you will love.” He signaled to Dick that now was the time to remove Johnny from Jason’s embrace._

_Dick very carefully took Johnny from Jason and kissed his toddler’s temple. “I’ll make up a room for you,” Dick said.. “I’m going to bed, you guys. We’ll speak more in the morning,” he told Jason._

_Earlier that night, Dick had put Johnny to bed in one of the spare rooms, but he didn’t trust Jason to not take Johnny in the middle of the night back to Blüdhaven. For the second night in a row, Dick curled protectively around his son._

_For the second night in a row, Dick didn’t get any sleep._

Jason kept hidden behind the dumpster in the alley as he waited for Lilith to make her afternoon appearance. Her name was actually Deborah Spalling, and her older sister came to Blüdhaven in search of her. Jason promised that he’d bring her home, and he planned on making contact that afternoon.

After speaking to Dick on Wednesday night, Jason dove into work in an attempt to not think too much about the impending divorce. For the first time in months, Dick did not come out of the manor when Jason picked Johnny up for the weekend. Alfred handed his son over and told him that if he was good for Jason that he would make brownies on Sunday evening.

There wasn’t much Jason could do to change his mind, except maybe agree to the stipulations Dick set when they first separated: go to therapy and attend couples counseling. Jason was still reluctant to visit the most vulnerable moments in his past, and he was definitely not keen on inviting an outsider into his hectic life.

At the moment, Deborah’s problems seemed more pressing, seeing as she was just dropped off by her pimp and was already being approached by a greasy skinny man with an unkempt goatee. Jason approached them with one hand in his pocket over his concealed weapon.

Deborah dyed her hair a dark brown, and from the look of her blonde roots, needed a touchup. Her gray dress was ridiculously short and the silly fur wrapped around her shoulders had a suspicious white stain. Upon closer inspection, the man trying to pay for her services had glazed, red eyes. It only took a shove from Jason to get the man to leave him alone with Deborah.

“Fifty for head, hundred for vaginal, two hundred for anal,” she recited, looking almost bored.

“Melanie gave me three hundred to find you.”

Deborah barely flinched at the mention of her sister. “That’s pathetic.”

“She cares.”

“I assume you’re not going to leave me alone until I agree to go with you.”

“When I’m paid to do a job, I intend to see that task through.”

Deborah assessed him, and then beckoned for him to follow her into the alley. Jason looked around for any sign of the pimp that dropped her off, but didn’t see him. He followed her into the alley and stood in front of the dumpster so that he could keep a look out for anyone else that wandered off the street.

“Is Melanie in Blüdhaven?”

“She’s staying at the old Killmore downtown.”

Melanie took a cigarette and lighter out of her purse. She offered one to Jason who turned it down, preferring to not smoke on the job. “I bet she made it sound like I was forced into this,” she began, lighting the cigarette. “That’s not true, you know.”

Jason watched her take a drag and itched to ask her for one, but he was trying to quit again. It had been almost three months since he touched a cigarette, something he had been working on in the hopes that Dick would see that he was making lifestyle changes.

“I was thirteen when she left for college, and as I got older my relationship with my parents became worse. She wasn’t around to see any of that shit, but I have my own problems with my parents. That’s why she’ll never understand why I had to leave. I haven’t spoken to my family in five years. You can’t make me go back. Nothing’s changing.”

Jason didn’t understand how easily Deborah’s problems could be solved. She could easily leave the world of hooking behind. Her sister was extending her hand, offering her help. She was willing to let Deborah live with her until she found a job and made enough money to get a place of her own.

But Jason understood why Deborah was reluctant to accept help. Being stuck in a rut, at such a low point for so long, made one comfortable where they were at, could make someone believe that they couldn’t do better. There was also the fear of trying to do better but failing. Disappointing people came naturally, and there was no point in trying if you were only going to disappoint them again.

“Look,” Jason began, but a sharp pain in his lower back rendered him speechless. He dropped to the ground and rolled onto his side in agony. He gently reached behind him and felt the handle of the knife sticking out of his back.

“You got blood on my shoes,” he heard Debora’s monotone voice.

“I don’t need assholes interfering with my business.” That had to be her pimp. “Get in the car. We need a new location.”

Jason sunk his nails as hard into the cement as he could when the pimp grabbed the handle of the knife and yanked it out of his body. Short heaving breaths emitted from Jason’s mouth, and his vision began to blur. If he went unconscious, there was no telling if he would survive this.

It was stupid of him to let his guard down in front of this girl all because he saw himself in her. Was that the kind of person Dick saw him as? A backstabbing lowlife? If Jason died, it wasn’t even close to the death he really deserved. He wished he spent more time with Johnny, wished he could’ve showed Dick how much he truly loved him, wished that he would’ve fought harder for his family.

Right before losing consciousness, Jason promised himself that if he survived he would make amends with Dick and concede to his wishes.

Jason was a lot of bad things, but he wasn’t cowardly enough to stab people in the back.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is poorly proofread, and I apologize for that. Much of this was written very late at night, and I have been much busier than I anticipated (I wanted to have this up last weekend).
> 
> Thank you all to have read this and stuck around. Dick, Jason, and Johnny are just very cute to me and I enjoy writing them. I have a drabble series he'll be in that won't comply with this universe, but I really want to keep him around. 
> 
> For those of you who don't know, I've finally gotten myself a tumblr account, which I've posted below. 
> 
> [My Tumblr](http://burningice2.tumblr.com/)
> 
> I'll be posting writing updates, and I think it'll be a better way for you guys to communicate with me.

The time on Dick’s phone read 5:15. Jason was always on time when he dropped off and picked up Johnny. Dick tried to give him the benefit of the doubt; he could be stuck in traffic, or maybe Jonny held him up with one of his tantrums. But Johnny was usually very well behaved for Jason, and Jason knew the consequences of being late or missing a meeting.

There were only so many times that Dick could call and only get Jason’s voicemail. By six, Dick started to worry. He didn’t want to believe the worst in Jason, but Dick had to consider that maybe after blindsiding Jason with divorce papers, he decided to not return Johnny this evening.

Dick tried to ignore he prying eyes from the manor’s window, but Bruce, Tim, and Damian’s watchful gazes were making him restless. He needed to do something, anything to calm his nerves, but what could he do if Jason wasn’t answering his phone? The last time Dick drove to Blüdhaven, he saw Jason in a bar with another woman and was not too keen on returning, but he may not have any other choice.

When Jason confronted him last Wednesday, he confessed his love for Dick, revealed he had never stopped loving him. Jason’s statement contradicted what Dick saw at the bar, but Jason was probably still caught up in old feelings, or could be saying what he thought Dick wanted to hear so that he could keep joint-custody of Johnny. There was the small possibility that Jason didn’t take that girl home with him, but Dick doubted Jason passed up that opportunity.

Dick barely noticed when Tim took a seat on the front porch next to him. He needed someone to tell him what to do, console his worries, tell him that everything was going to be okay, that Jason would never do this to their family.

“Something’s not right.” Tim looked out at the road used to enter and exit the manor, watching for any sign of Jason’s car. “This is not like Jason. I’m worried that something is wrong.”

Dick took in Tim’s words, the words he wanted to hear, yet can’t be sure whether he believes those sentiments. “I know that you hang out with him — and I’m thankful. Don’t think that I’ve ever resented you for that, because Jason needs family just as much as I do. I let him have his privacy with you, but right now I really need to know if he’s ever done or said anything to indicated that he might…”

“He would never take Johnny,” Tim said with the utmost confidence. “Johnny loves you, and Jason would never risk losing his son. I also believe that he would never want to hurt you like that. At least, not anymore.”

“Tell me what to do.”

“You have to go to Blüdhaven. Just in case. I hate to say it,” Tim said cautiously, “but maybe something came up. A case or a job, and he had to do some work and leave Johnny with a sitter.”

Dick shook his head. “No. Jason hates working when he has Johnny.”

“The divorce has really upset him, and you know how Jason gets. Like all of us, he uses work as a coping mechanism. Maybe he took a job and something…went wrong.”

Dick didn’t even want to consider that possibility. “If that’s the case, then where is my son?”

“I don’t know,” Tim replied with worry. “Is he even allowed to have other people watching him?”

“No, he’s not,” Dick snapped. “Damn it, Jason.”

Either Jason kidnapped their son or was lying injured or dead in a ditch, and Dick had no idea where Johnny was or whose care he was in. He flipped his phone over and touched the home screen to awaken the device and saw that he had a new text.

“Is it Jason?” Tim asked.

“Roy,” Dick responded in confusion. The last time he had contact with Roy was when he and Jason first split. Roy reached out to Dick and apologized for the situation he and Jason were in and told him he would always be there for the both of them. Dick appreciated Roy’s extended hand of friendship, but preferred to keep his distance. He and Jason had become closer during their outlaw days, and Dick had enough support from his family, seeing no need to take anyone else away from Jason.

“Well what does it say?”

_Jason went out on a job and left Johnny with me. He was supposed to be back by 4:00 and he hasn’t showed up._

Dick held his hand against his mouth in a praying position. As far as Dick knew, Roy had been sober for almost two years, but he wasn’t sure if he felt completely comfortable with Roy watching his son. At least he knew that Johnny was in someone’s care and hadn’t been taken by Jason. However, that meant that Jason had taken a job and was most likely seriously hurt or worse.

Dick quickly typed his own reply, fingers rushing to tap the correct letters.

_Jason was supposed to have Johnny here over an hour ago. I think something’s happened to him._

“What do I do?” Dick was desperate to find Jason, who is alone in Blüdhaven with no one near him to see him every day the way that Dick had Bruce and Alfred.

Just as Tim was about to give him a response, Dick’s phone rang. He thought it was Roy, hoped it was Jason, but it was from an unknown number. Under different circumstances, Dick would have ignored an unknown number, but it could be possible that this was Jason. The area code was Blüdhaven’s, making Dick very sure that this was Jason.

“Hello?”

_“This is Vanessa from St. Helen’s Hospital in Blüdhaven. Is this Richard Grayson?”_

Dick’s heart dropped into his stomach. “Yes.”

_“I’m calling in regards to Jason Todd, who has you listed as an emergency contact. He was brought in this evening at around five for internal injuries from a stab wound.”_

“Okay,” was all Dick could say. “Thank you.” He hung up and pocketed his phone. “If you aren’t busy, I need you to pick up Johnny from Roy’s.”

“Dick, what’s happened?”

“Jason’s at the hospital.”

He heard Tim calling his name from the porch, but Dick rushed to his car with only Jason on his mind. Jason was hurt, probably being operated on, and he was alone. Jason had suffered worse, and Dick always worried whenever Jason was injured, but this was all before they had Johnny.

His son and the separation changed Dick’s perspective on his relationships with everyone. Dick experienced what being a single parent was like. He had Johnny for the majority of the week, and although his family always offered help, Dick couldn’t rely on them all the time. He rarely thought about what parenting Johnny would be like if Jason were to die. Jason did not suffer any serious injuries in the last three years, giving Dick no reason to think about such a terrible possibility.

Dick’s worst nightmare was becoming a reality. He couldn’t do this without Jason. Johnny needed both of his dads. Dick already spent so many nights crying instead of sleeping, and having Jason out of his life permanently would only increase the number of those sleepless nights.

Dick didn’t just face losing the father of his child; he was in danger of losing the love of his life.

 

 

 

 

All Jason can see is white. Once his vision clears he realizes that he is looking at a white ceiling, which is not tan ceiling of his Blüdhaven apartment. He heard the beeping of a monitor and sees the needle in his arm and deduced that he was in a hospital.

Jason thought about the last moments he remembered before everything went black. He met his target in an alley, and her pimp stabbed him. As he started to black out, he thought of Dick and Johnny, and how fitting it would be that the last shitty act he would commit against his family was by leaving them forever.

He’s tempted to rip the IV from his arm, but he doesn’t know the extent of his condition or how long he has been out. It was very likely that a doctor performed surgery on him, and his entire body felt like it had been dropped from a hundred stories. Jason knows that spinal cord injuries could lead to paralysis, so he gave an experimental wiggle to his toes; it was painful, but they moved.

“Thank god, you’re okay.”

Jason flinched at the voice to his left. Dick was seated by bed with red eyes and dried tear tracks on his face; he had obviously been here for a few hours. For Dick, this was probably like Babs getting shot all over again. Jason was flooded with guilt at the thought. It occurred to Jason that Dick was most likely worried about Johnny and why Jason hadn’t dropped him off at the manor.

With jolting horror, Jason remembered that Christmas was in nearly a week and a half. There was a very high chance that he would be spending the holidays in the hospital; he was the Grinch who stole Christmas. Dick and Johnny would have to see him in a hospital instead of being at the manor with the rest of the family. They would miss the presents, the Christmas tree, and Alfred’s ham, all because he lost focus on a case and allowed himself to be caught off guard.

Dick was wearing a dark blue sweater that highlighted his eyes, the first gift he ever received from Jason. Unlike most people, Dick had an unfair genetic advantage that gave him the ability to look breathtakingly stunning no matter how disheveled his appearance. Jason had a lot of explaining to do to that pretty face.

“Been through worse,” Jason groaned. Dick looked like he wanted to slap him across the face. They both knew Jason meant dying, but neither elaborated. He tried to sit up in a more comfortable position, but Dick firmly placed a hand on his shoulder. “Dick…”

“Don’t move.”

Jason lifted up his arm connected to the IV. “Not going anywhere.”

Dick finally cracked a smile, and Jason began to relax. “You’re lucky that no major damage has been done to your spine and that the knife missed major organs.”

“Where’s Johnny?” Jason asked, not in the mood to discuss his injuries. “Does he know?”

Dick’s smile returned to its straight line at the mention of their son. “I told him you were sick, like he was last year, and needed to live at the hospital so you could get better.” Dick like sugarcoating situations for Johnny, but Jason preferred to tell their son the truth. A cat that Johnny liked used to hang out on their terrace once a week, but got ran over by a car. Dick told Johnny that the owners took the cat to a farm to live with other cats. “Don’t look at me like that. Should I have told our toddler that you were stabbed in an alley by a pimp and left for dead?”

“Maybe,” Jason said just to be difficult. “When can I see him?”

“It’s the middle of the night, so maybe tomorrow.”

“And tomorrow would be?”

“Tuesday.”

After Tuesday comes Wednesday, the day he needed to give Dick his answer. Jason couldn’t be sure if he was out of the clear yet, and he wanted to be straight with Dick in case something were still to happen during his recovery. There was so much he needed to say, starting with an apology. if he wanted Dick to take him back, he knew that he needed to agree to Dick’s terms, meaning going to therapy and attending couples counseling.

Jason favored pushing his fears and worries to the back of his mind, staying awake to avoid the nightmares, ignoring his problems until they temporarily go away, hiding his negativity from Dick and Johnny so they weren’t dragged down by his anxieties. But by doing that, he had lost his family. How much worse could everything be if he was honest with them?

If Jason died in that alley, Dick would never know how much he loved him, how much he was willing to do to save their family. Johnny would grow up never knowing his father, maybe even resenting Jason for not being a bigger part of his life before his death.

“About those divorce papers…”

Dick raised his head. “Jason, we don’t have to talk about that until you’ve fully recovered.”

“No. We do.” This time Jason managed to sit up straighter in the hospital bed. Right before blacking out, he knew exactly what he wanted to say to Dick, but words were failing him now. The grandiose speech he had stored in his brain had been erased, and Jason was left speechless. “I…we should…”

Dick’s phone blared its ringtone in the awkward silence of the room, saving Jason from making more of a fool of himself than he already had the past year. Dick gave Jason an apologetic look before answering his phone.

“Tim. Hey. He’s awake.” He listened to whatever Tim was saying for a few more seconds before pulling the phone away from his ear. “I’m going to fill Tim in on some stuff. I’ll have him put Johnny on the phone later. Damian just got here and wants to see you.”

Jason nodded and watched Dick exit the hospital room. It was barely a minute later when Damian entered, wearing a black button up and dark jeans. Jason wondered if Johnny was staying with Tim and Damian at their apartment and if Bruce was still in the dark about their secret relationship.

Jason was lucky to have family he trusted to take care of his son. Dick made the right call by not having Johnny see him like this. Tim and Damian adored their son and knew that spoiling him with outings and their undivided attention was serving as a good distraction from Jason’s hospital stay. Jason was more than positive that Tim bought Johnny fast food for dinner and let him stay up watching movies with a sundae.

“Todd.”

“Demon.”

“I see you are healing at an adequate rate.”

“Let me know how you’re feeling when you get a knife in the back.”

Their words were teasing, and the former enemies exchanged small smiles throughout their banter. Damian sat at the edge of Jason’s bed, but his posture was anything but relaxed. Jason felt a headache coming on, but he pushed through the fog growing in his head.

“What’s wrong? Is it Johnny?”

Damian snorted. “The only ailment your son has is a poisoned bloodstream. Drake saw fit to pump his body full of garbage.”

Jason sighed in relief. “Good. Has he been asking questions?”

“The usual,” Damian replied. “He wanted to know why he was staying with us and why he was not with his parents. It is not difficult to deter the attention span of a three-year-old, even if he is brilliant. There is no need to worry, Todd. Jonathan is being well cared for by Drake and me.”

“Never doubted that for a second. Now why don’t you tell me what has your panties in a tighter wad than usual.”

“Yes,” Damian said stiffly. “Drake has been pestering me to talk to you for months, and I continually refused to get involved with your domestic disputes. But now I see that I have no choice.”

Out of nowhere, Jason was grabbed by the front of his hospital gown and yanked forward, Damian’s face a little too close for comfort. The IV tugged at his arm, and he hissed in pain, his discomfort either being unnoticed or ignored by Damian. The brat’s eyes glowed with determination; Jason’s condition was not going to stop him from saying whatever it was he needed to say.

“I do not know how many more times you will escape death, so I will say what I should have said when you and Grayson first parted ways.” Damian’s voice was menacing, and he had no issues with getting into Jason’s face. “You and I more alike than I care to admit: upbringings perverted by inadequate parenting, arrogance, bad tempers, and an uncanny ability to push away the people we love most.”

“What’s with the character assassination?” Jason growled. “Stay out of my business, Demon.”

Damian didn’t even flinch. “Stop playing the victim. Set your pride aside, and do whatever you can to fix your mess before it is too late. Prove me wrong. Prove to Dick and Jonathan that people like us are not selfish. Hell, do this for _you_ , Todd.” He released Jason and smoothed out the creases in his shirt as he stood up.

Jason readjusted the IV in his arm and asked, “Anything you want to tell me about you and Tim?” Damian tended to project his problems on others if his emotions rose to the surface.

“-tt- Drake and I are fine.” Damian cleared his throat and averted his gaze. “Maybe I would go about with…proceedings differently.”

Next to Jason and Bruce, Tim and Damian had the most volatile relationship full of resentment and jealousy. They were competitive, desperate to prove their worth as saviors of Gotham. As if the explosive arguments and pissing contests weren’t bad enough, Damian even tried to kill Tim on an occasion. Everyone was more than thankful when Damian grew older, and his interactions with Tim were limited to petty bickering or pretending that the other was not in the room.

Jason thought back to the times he found Tim and Damian in the cave, sweating and panting from training sessions, and he wondered how many of those times they had actually been training. He can’t imagine how Tim and Damian managed to put aside their differences, can’t fathom how a sexual relationship emerged between the two. How much of himself did Damian have to change to feel worthy enough to deserve Tim? Could Jason do the same for Dick?

“You always have and always will be the biggest brat.”

Damian smirks. “Whatever conception of me makes you feel like a big man, Todd. You know what you need to do.”

Jason nodded. “I have for awhile.”

“What’s different now?” Damian asked with the hint of a challenge.

“Me.”

 

 

 

 

Dick spent Christmas Eve moving Jason from the hospital to the manor. Although he was recovering well from his injury and surgery, Jason was still sore and faced difficulty with mobility. Dick talked Bruce into housing Jason until he made a full recovery. One look from Dick was all it took for Jason to stifle his protests. Bruce said yes without giving it much thought. Jason lived in one of the guest rooms and spent much of his time in the backyard.

Christmas was a quiet event that year, consisting only of Bruce, Alfred, Dick, Jason, Tim, Damian, and Johnny. The party Alfred made Bruce throw every season was cancelled, and the holiday was spent in peaceful quiet. Dick tried to get Jason to relax and not do anything that was too physically taxing, but Jason insisted that he stretch his legs and regain his strength.

Multiple times over the course of Jason’s time spent at the manor, he tried to engage Dick into discussing the divorce, but Dick avoided that conversation like the plague. Being around Jason for so long put a halt to his divorce plans. Dick felt like he was back to square one; it took him months to make a decision regarding his relationship with Jason, and now he found himself wanting to stall again, put off making a decision. Maybe a part of him even hoped that Jason hadn’t signed the divorce papers.

Besides putting all of his anxiety-ridden energy into nursing Jason back to health, Dick put all of his energy into making sure Johnny was adjusting to Jason staying with them. Johnny knew that Jason was not well, but seemed frustrated about not having his father to play with rather than worried about him making a full recovery.

Johnny pulled at Dick’s pant leg for what felt like the hundredth time since Dick started preparing Jason’s lunch. “Dada, play with me.”

Dick cut the pastrami sandwich in half and tried to not to lose his patience. “Johnny, I have to bring your father his lunch.”

His son stuck out his bottom lip. “You treat Daddy like a baby.”

“Tell me about it.”

Dick turned around and glowered at Jason’s presence in the entryway. “I told you I would bring your lunch to your room.”

Jason wrapped an arm around Johnny and lifted him into the air so he could press playful kisses on his cheeks. He winced before ungracefully setting Johnny on his feet. “Dick, I’m perfectly capable of making my own lunch.”

“I need the father of my child to recover as soon as possible so he can get back to work.” Jason raised an eyebrow. “You know I don’t mean it like that,” Dick explained hastily. He shoves the plate into Jason’s hands. “Why suffer longer than necessary?”

“The longer I take to recover, the more time I have left with my son.” Dick barely has time to react to those words when Jason’s attention returned to Johnny. “Let’s go watch some cartoons.”

Most of his encounters with Jason go like that as the days drag on. Dick was determined to make them brief and avoid discussing the divorce at all costs. Jason was at the manor for nearly two weeks. He should have been back in Blüdhaven nearly a week ago, but Dick didn’t think he could make Jason leave for a number of reasons.

Jason looked just as happy as he was the night of Johnny’s Thanksgiving recital. The flame within Jason had been lit again; Dick saw it when Jason watched television with Johnny, played hide-and-seek with him, read bedtime stories to him. Either Tim or Damian stopped by the manor every day to check on Jason’s progress. They fondly antagonized each other, and it was as if Jason had never been absent.

Dick’s avoidance of Jason wasn’t entirely due to the change he saw in Jason, because there was a change happening in himself that frightened him. Almost losing Jason for a second time was unbearable. They dragged out this separation for months, and Dick was tired of fighting Jason, fighting his own feelings.

Jason was the bravest man Dick knew, a warrior who overcame a tarnished childhood, torture an death at the hands of the joker, and his sullied relationship with Bruce. He was a provider, a man who loved his family, would give his life to protect them. Dick felt safe when he fell asleep in Jason’s arms, loved Jason even more when he saw how amazing of a father he was to their son.

Despite Jason’s attributes, he was a man with demons he refused to confront, had problems he needed to seek help for. As much as Dick wanted Jason back, he couldn’t go down that path if he refused help. Dick had reached a point where he was not above begging Jason to accept help so he could come home, share their bed, make breakfast in the morning, reside with his family.

“I know you want to return to Blüdhaven with him,” Bruce said one late night in the Batcave. “It’s understandable. You still love each other and have a son to think about.”

Dick continued to stare intensely at the monitor. He prepared to hear Bruce’s words of discouragement, warning him that Jason couldn’t get better for them. He wanted to lash out at Bruce, tell him everything about Jason he didn’t know, like how tenderly he held Dick as they drifted off to bed, how much he doted over their son and his small accomplishments, how he took great joy in the Saturdays spent among his family.

“Dick.” Bruce’s voice finally pulled his attention away from the case file, and he looked at his mentor. “I want you to know that you and Jason…We’ve all had our fair share of disappointments. I won’t deny being concerned when you rushed into marriage, but I want you to know that I always supported you and him.”

“Bruce,” Dick sighed in defeat. “I…” He expected Bruce’s words to mean more, stir up some bit of emotion within him, but he felt nothing but exhaustion.

“I see how cautious you and Jason are around each other. When you talk with him, it’s as if you’re reciting words from a script.”

“So what?” Dick snapped. “I love him, I want to be with him, but I can’t because he is such a stubborn jackass. This could all be fixed so easily.”

Bruce narrowed his eyes. “Hmm.” He looked once again at the case file.

“What?”

“I don’t understand why you’re down here if you’re problem is an easy fix.” Bruce wasn’t fazed by Dick’s glare and opened a new document on the monitor. “I didn’t ask you to help me look over these files. I am also sure that if you talked to Jason rather than abandon an attempt at conversation, you will find that his view on the matter has changed.”

Dick took his hands off the console and placed them firmly on his hips. “And what’s given you that idea?”

“Death changed Jason. Being as close to it as he was is bound to have changed him again. I’ll bet he’ll be more than willing to submit to your terms.”

“You think so?” Dick asked skeptically.

“I hope so or else I wouldn’t take pleasure in your reconciliation.”

It was as close to a prep talk that he was going to get from Bruce. If he was to have anyone’s backing in his decision to reconcile from Jason, he wasn’t expecting it to be Bruce’s.

Dick sat on Jason’s bed and waited for him to finish showering in the bathroom connected to the bedroom. He had second thoughts about discussing this when Jason exited the bathroom in only a small tall wrapped around his waist — a dripping wet Jason was quite distracting. But Dick was afraid that if he put this discussion off any longer, he would never have it.

Jason appraised him with wide eyes and pulled the towel tighter around him. He nervously ran a hand through his hair before asking, “Has Johnny gotten out of bed again?”

“No.” Dick’s hands squeezed his knees in anticipation and tried to keep his gaze anywhere but on Jason’s bare chest. “He’s fast asleep.”

“Oh.” Jason knew why he was there. Dick could see it in the way he nervously shifted his gaze about the room. “So…”

“I owe you an apology.”

That got Jason’s attention.

“Really?” he drawled with a smirk. “What are you apologizing for?”

“For avoiding the conversation that’s deserved to be had. I know you’ve been wanting to talk about our next steps, but before you say anything, there’s something you should hear.”

This was his last chance to get Jason back for good. There was no other way he could work what he was asking for; it was a request he’d made to Jason dozens of times, but maybe this last time would resonate with him.

“Neither of us wants this,” Dick began. “I know you love me, and I love you. I want to return to Blüdhaven. I want to go home. We could be there tomorrow if you wanted. But for that to happen…”

“You want me to get help,” Jason supplemented for him with a passive expression.

“Therapy and couple’s counseling. We both need to learn how to communicate better with each other. I’m not putting this past year and a half all on you.”

“You should.” Jason walked over to his dresser and pulled out a pair of sweat pants. Dick looked away as he dropped his towel and pulled them up his legs and over his hips. “I’ve been an obstinate ass. I know that things can’t immediately go back to the way they were, but I’m willing to try.”

“Really?” It was almost too good to be true. Jason wanted to do better, wanted to come home, was putting aside his pride for his family. “I don’t want you to do this because you feel like you have to. I want you to do this because you want to.”

Jason had gotten closer to him while he spoke, and Dick didn’t flinch away when Jason reached out tangled his fingers into Dick’s long locks. “I’m sorry. For everything. You know I’m not good enough.”

Dick gripped Jason’s bicep and clung to him like he was Dick’s last hope for happiness. “You’ve always been good enough.” It was barely a brush of the lips, but Dick didn’t want to fall too deep into something neither of them were ready for like the night before Thanksgiving. He pulled Dick into a tight hug. “It’s going to be hard,” he murmured against Jason’s ear.

“These past few months away from you and Johnny have been hard.” Dick continued to cling, took in Jason’s musky, oaky scent, and couldn’t believe this was finally happening. “Do you want to sleep here tonight?” Dick pulled back, prepared to voice his concerns. “Not like that. I just want to hold you.”

“Yes,” Dick agreed, wanting to be held just as much as Jason wanted to hold. He let Jason take him by the hand and hold him to his bare chest as they both lied on the bed. Dick’s head rested atop Jason, and his hand ran up and down Jason’s side. “Are you sure?”

“As soon as I’m home I’m burning those divorce papers.”

“Did you even read them?”

“Of course not.”

Dick raised his head off Jason’s chest and looked down at his estranged husband. “Are you ready for this?”

Jason turned his head away. “No. But I’m doing it anyway.”

That’s all Dick could ask for.

 

 

 

 

Jason consented to all of Dick’s terms. What he didn’t count on was consenting to Bruce’s terms. Bruce offered to house Dick, Jason, and Johnny until they found an apartment in Gotham, but Jason wanted to return to Blüdhaven. He enjoyed the space from Bruce, and thought their relationship had improved because they weren’t forced to work the same turf. Bruce argued that Jason tended to isolate himself and did better when he was around family.

The morning after reconciling with Dick, they were back to fighting. Dick agreed with Bruce, and thought it would be best for their family to move back to Gotham. To make matters worse, Bruce already promised Blüdhaven to Kate, demolishing Jason’s biggest reason for not leaving. Worse, Dick didn’t seem to mind leaving. He was willing to give up their Blüdhaven apartment so that they could save their marriage in Gotham.

It wasn’t a shouting match, more of a one-sided conversation. Dick talked, but grew angry when Jason wouldn’t argue — isn’t that what Dick wanted him to stop doing? Jason spent much of his time away from the manor while Dick was at work. He was free to pick Johnny up from pre-school since he was out of work, and he quickly sold their Blüdhaven apartment and the office he rented for his PI work.

Therapy and counseling were each once a week, and as tempting as it was, Jason did not miss an appointment. He preferred to be alone after therapy sessions and would take walks around Gotham. Dick liked to grab dinner with Jason after their therapy sessions; sometimes they left in tears, other times they left holding hands. Dick was right — mending their relationship was difficult, but Jason could see the results unfolding. It wasn’t long before they were sharing a bed again. By the time they moved into their new apartment, they resumed an active, healthy sex life. Petty fights were increasingly reduced, and it was easier to sit down and discuss issues.

Jason still had nightmares. Bad days at work still included missing or dead children. This time, Jason didn’t push Dick away. He tried to be patient with his husband, but there were times he truly needed to be alone, and Dick did his best to understand that he couldn’t fix all of Jason’s problems, only be there for Jason when he needed him.

Dick and Jason’s new apartment was a fifteen-minute walk from Tim and Damian’s more luxurious penthouse. Jason was uneasy at living so close to family, but their close proximity proved useful on days when they needed a babysitter, and Tim always jumped at the chance to watch his nephew.

“I told you,” Dick chided.

Jason found comfort in their linked arms, and he placed a hand over Dick’s, which was ungloved and exposed to the chilly March air. “And I told you to wear gloves,” he deflected. “It’s freezing.”

“All I’m saying is that living so close to Tim and Damian is the most convenient thing that’s ever happened to us. A ten-minute walk from the theater to their place, and our place is another fifteen minutes.” Dick knocked on Tim and Damian’s door. “Date night has never been easier.”

“Is that Daddy?” Jason heard his son yell on the other side of the door.

“He’s supposed to be sleeping,” Jason huffed.

“You had to have known that wasn’t going to be the case.”

Damian answered the door looking pretty worn down from the last four hours. “I told Drake he was not following your instructions, but there was nothing I could do.”

“Sure,” Jason muttered, pushing past Damian. “Johnny?”

“Hi, Daddy!” His son wrapped his little arms as far around Jason’s legs as they could go. “Uncle Tim made a sundae bar.”

“Great.”

“I may have gone overboard,” Tim sheepishly admitted. He was currently clearing the ingredients off the kitchen counter. “Sorry, but I had to satisfy my sweet tooth.”

“I thought we were going to do that later.” Jason covered his son’s ears in horror at the uncharacteristic innuendo that slipped from Damian’s mouth. The demon didn’t even look ashamed. In fact, he was shooting a sly smirk Tim’s way.

Dick cackled. “I love it when you guys get along. Hey, Babe,” he addressed Jason in a way that was once familiar, but now Jason coveted more than ever after months of Dick’s absence. “Maybe you can satisfy my sweet tooth later.”

Jason shouldn’t find that so charming right now. “In case you’ve forgotten, our son is right here.” Johnny was currently tugging on his jacket and jumping in place. So much for getting him to bed on time. “Can you thank Uncle Tim and Uncle Damian for watching you and making you food?”

“Thank you!” Johnny shouts at the top of his lungs.

“Good luck getting him to bed,” Tim joked.

“Before you go, I actually have a case file I want Grayson to look at.”

Dick feigned a dramatic gasp. “Baby Bird, are you asking for help?”

“Just shut up and follow me.”

As soon as Damian took Dick and Johnny into his bedroom, Tim turned to Jason and asked, “Are things back to normal?” Jason could be completely open and honest with Tim and tell him that they're taking it day by day. He still had the need to isolate himself when he was feeling at his lowest, and he sometimes still resented Dick's close relationship with Bruce. Worst of all, there were times Jason was angry at Dick for keeping Johnny from him all those months and preventing him from seeing his son's milestones.

Jason settled for, “I think we’re getting there. We’re both still a little tense with each other, but the couples counseling is helping. Do not tell Dick I said that.”

“It’s none of my business.”

“I never thanked you, Tim," Jason admitted. "For not ditching me after everything. It could’ve been so easy to just walk away. But you stayed.” Tim and Damian didn’t abandon him after Dick left. They still took his calls, found time to drive to Blüdhaven if Jason needed company, and didn’t take sides.

“You and Dick were family way before you guys started your relationship,” Tim explained. “There were no sides to take.”

“He needed you more, so thank you for being there for him.”

“Never a problem.”

Later that night, Jason took pleasure in reading Johnny his bedtime story, was thankful that he could be a part of his bedtime ritual after Dick gave him his bath. The entire story, Johnny struggled to keep his eyes open, but he managed to make it through “Where the Wild Things Are” and even tried to get Jason to read it again. He declined, but agreed to rub Johnny’s back until he fell asleep.

Not even five minutes later, he found Dick in their bedroom, already in bed looking over a copy of the case file Damian gave him earlier in the evening. Jason could easily imagine them like this twenty years from now with Johnny out of the house, maybe with another kid or two. Dick would be reading another case file in a similar manner, but his hair would be graying, and maybe he would have reading glasses too.

“No work in bed,” Jason said without much force; he broke this rule on an occasion or two.

“I know, I know.” Dick was suspiciously hasty in tucking that file in their case drawer next to the bed.

“What did Damian dump on you?” Jason asked as he pulled the covers on his side of the bed back.

“Oh, just some Penguin nonsense.”

_“Dick.”_

“Mixed with some Joker drivel.”

“I can handle the Joker.” Jason settled into his side of the bed and threw an arm over Dick. “All those weeks of therapy haven’t been for nothing. Dinah’s making sure of it.”

“Well, that’s good to hear,” Dick said reservedly. Jason rarely talked about his private therapy sessions with Dinah, a part of him still wanting to keep his problems private from his family. “Can you look it over in the morning, please? The counselor said we shouldn’t go to bed angry. Trust me, this case file will make you angry.”

“Fine,” Jason consented. He pulled Dick closer to him as he tried to not let his mind wonder about what could possibly be in that case file. “Tomorrow is family day, though, so maybe it can wait until Sunday.”

Dick flashed Jasone one of his winning smiles. “Sounds like a plan.” He pressed a kiss to Jason’s forehead. “The smell of chocolate chip pancakes better wake me up tomorrow.”

“That’s too bad,” Jason teased, his lips softly teasing Dick’s collarbone. “I was thinking maybe a hot shower with your sexy husband would be an appropriate wake-up call.”

“Why can’t I have both?” He snuggled against Jason’s side and fit his body perfectly against Jason’s. “Can you reach over and turn off the lamp?’ he asked sleepily. Jason complied and flicked the switch. “I love you,” Dick yawned.

Jason circled his thumb against Dick’s sharp hipbone. “I love you, too.

 

 

 

 

On Saturday morning, Dick jolted awake when a force pressed down on his stomach. His body clenched, and he moaned in pain. “Dada, Dada, wake up!” Dick reached out blindly, trying to grasp for his son, but the toddler was moving around too much for Dick to get a hold of him.

“It better be past seven,” Jason groaned next to him. Their rule for Johnny was that he had to stay in bed until seven, and that kid usually had Jason and him awake at seven sharp.

“Daddy, you have to make pancakes.”

Dick managed to get his hands on Johnny and pulled him onto his chest so he could kiss him good morning. “Can you give Daddy a minute to wake up, Baby Wing?”

“Only if I can watch cartoons.”

“Deal.”

Johnny scrambled off of Dick, and high tailed it to the living room so he could get his fill of Looney Toons. Dick took his coveted few moments of silence to roll over and lazily kiss Jason on the mouth. “Morning,” he murmured into the kiss. He rolled his tongue along the roof of Jason’s mouth before pulling back. “I believe I was promised pancakes.”

Jason rolled onto his stomach and wrapped his arms around his pillow, looking not at all prepared to get out of bed and make breakfast. “Five more minutes.”

“Usually it’s you dragging me out of bed.”

“Maybe I’m mourning the shower sex we won’t get to have.”

“Daddy, I’m hungry!” Johnny yelled from the living room.

“Definitely won’t be happening now.” Dick leaned in and kissed Jason again. “Maybe if we get him in bed early enough tonight, and if you’re still feeling up to it…”

“Always with you.”

“Daddy!”

“Just a minute!” Dick called. He stretched his arms above his head before sitting up. “Come on,” he urged Jason, but was tugged back down and pulled into a ravenous kiss.

Jason rolled Dick underneath him and pinned his slimmer body to the bed as his tongue invaded Dick’s mouth, dominating the kiss, one hand holding his wrists together as the other cupped his cheek. Dick giggled when Jason started pressing tickling kisses to his neck.

“We have to feed our child,” Dick protested half-heartedly.

“Only if you make the coffee.”

Saturday mornings were when Dick felt the happiest. They were evidence of the progress he and Dick made since Christmas. Dick awoke stress-free, excited to start the day. He could focus on spending time with his family rather than wondering if Jason would show up on time the next day with their son or working a case until the early hours of Sunday to take his mind off his child’s absence.

The coffee took a much shorter time to prepare than the pancakes, so Dick joined his son on the couch in front of the television. Jason set up the television trays and served them their breakfast in the living room. While they enjoyed their coffee, Johnny drank his orange juice. Since Jason cooked, Dick washed the dishes while Jason helped their son get dressed.

By nine-thirty, they were all dressed and ready to meet Tim and Damian at the mini golf course.

“Did you pack his snack?” Dick asked.

“Cheerios are packed.”

“Good. I really think they’ll be late this time.”

Jason knelt down and zipped up Johnny’s jacket. “Ready to go, Buddy?”

“Ready!”

It wasn’t just the Saturday mornings Dick fought to get back. Dick wanted his husband home, wanted to see his son seven days a week, wanted them to share these moments together. The therapy and the counseling helped tremendously, but Dick knew this could’ve been much more difficult if they didn’t love each other so much.

They were still going to have problems and obstacles to overcome. Crime in Gotham never stopped, and raising a child would always present difficulties. But it was Gotham's crime rate that brought them together, and it was Johnny that bonded them forever. As long as Jason was as committed to Dick as much as he was committed to Jason, Dick knew the would continue to face their issues together.

Each of them took a hold of Johnny’s hands as they exit their apartment, and Dick couldn’t help but smile in triumph at succeeding in getting his family back.


End file.
